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Archive: Blondie

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Also, Ed is absolutely going to destroy something in that yard in short order

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Crankshaft, 10/2/22

Huh, I’m a little surprised by “the Crankshafts” in that final panel. I guess I actually don’t know off the top of my head what Pam and Jeff’s last name is, so it’s possible that she not only kept her maiden name but that Jeff changed his name to hers as well, but I find it unlikely for a bunch of reasons. First off, while they’re not overt anti-feminists or anything, it’s had to see either of them doing anything that runs contrary to general societal practice to make a point. But more importantly, it’s simply an awful name, and frankly they’d be inheriting it from a simply awful person, so I don’t buy it.

Hagar the Horrible, 10/2/22

Real grim first couple of panels here, where we learn that Hagar’s horse is intelligent enough to practice deceit and to understand both his own mortality and his precarious place in the world. Makes it all the grimmer when you get to the final panel and realize Hagar’s probably going to eat him by the end of the night.

Blondie, 10/2/22

Oh no! Dagwood fell off a ladder and had a massive head injury and died. RIP Dagwood Bumstead, 1930-2022. You taught me that it was OK to be weird.

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I realize hoping Dagwood will be a responsible adult is a fool’s errand, but still

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Blondie, 9/28/22

Look, I don’t want to dwell on the technical details here, which seem to be based on the misconception that “well you look at Instagram on your phone so your account must be on your phone somewhere.” I instead want to engage with this strip on a narrative level. What exactly is the dangerous stalker planning to do with Elmo’s account? Post declarations of love from him to her? Send poison pen DMs to his friends and her potential romantic rivals? This is a significant escalation from snarky emojis and honestly he should be telling his parents about it, not some random unrelated neighbor-adult who sees the story primarily as being about the Kids Today, Who Are Not As Good As We Were When We Were Kids.

Daddy Daze, 9/28/22

Wait, did we know that the Daddy Daze daddy’s goth friend’s son was a teen? This is really opening up a lot of fun possibilities, honestly. I can’t decide if this kid is himself a goth, like a mini-me version of his dad, or instead has gone full on jock or preppie, as an act of defiance. Anyway, check out panel four here, where the dude has decided that blinding himself with scalding hot coffee is the logical next step in his story.

Hi and Lois, 9/28/22

Absolutely love that Hi has decided to rebel against the total overload we’re facing in the age of Too Much Streaming Content by engaging with the world as he assumes our primitive ancestors did: by reading a print magazine about golf. It’s clear from his facial expression that it didn’t work, but I’m proud of him for making the attempt.

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“I want to show films … to the three people who are going to show up every night”

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Blondie, 9/25/22

This is another great example how the top row of “throwaway” panels can actually really alter the meaning of a strip. Without them, it’s the simple story of a plumber (with a gambling problem?) who comes over the Bumstead house only to be distracted by a big platter of cold cuts (that has just been left out on the kitchen counter?). With them, we see Blondie’s warning to not let the man “get away,” so it becomes the story of a plumber (with a gambling problem?) whom the Bumsteads plan to capture and do something unspeakable to, and they’ve left out a big platter of cold cuts out on the kitchen counter, as bait.

Crankshaft, 9/25/22

It’s fun to remember that Mason Jarre, when first introduced into the Funkyverse, was a dumb Hollywood himbo who signed on to play Les in the original, “bad” (i.e., potentially enjoyable to watch) movie version of Lisa’s Story, but now that he’s become part of our beloved gang, his an insufferable snob about physical film and classic movies or whatever. I suppose it’s possible that we’re meant to understand that he’s matured as a person over the years, but it’s more likely that the Funkyverse simply cannot accommodate a sympathetic character who isn’t obsessed with classic film stuff. Still, the interpretation I’d really prefer is that in fact he’s supposed to be as big a dipshit as ever; it’s just that this is what he’s a dipshit about now.

Mark Trail, 9/25/22

God damn it, Mark Trail, this strip very much begins with a promise of horny toads learning to work together as a team, and by rights ought to end with Monsanto’s hired security goons being forced back into corporate HQ by geysers of eye-blood from a whole horny toad army, and I am very disappointed that it does not.