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Dick Tracy, 12/10/21

Ever since the raid on Apparatus HQ, Dick’s been hard at work down in the phrenology lab, trying to determine if the Ace of Spades’s gimp mask concealed a sloping Italianate brow, or, worse, the lantern jaw of an Irishman.

Blondie, 12/10/21

[adds “nice, plump gobbler combo” to the list of phrases that if I encounter them again I will immediately call the police]

Mary Worth, 12/10/21

God damn it, if this isn’t some kind of Wilbur fantasty sequence I am calling on all Comics Curmudgeon readers to immediately riot in the streets!!!! THEY CAN’T GET AWAY WITH THIS

Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/10/21

She … she called the news hotline and told them all about it? Try to keep up, kid.

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Crankshaft, 12/6/21

Look, it’s not that I want to be a comics curmudgeon, all the time; sometimes it’s just important to me that comics do a better job of really zeroing in on the ideas they have instead of just running with the first iteration of a gag they come up with. So, like, with “Crankshaft is befuddled and angered by the modern world”: the thing where Ed’s favorite gardening catalog and then went out of business but got bought out by a blog or something is dumb and I don’t care for it. But Ed getting conned by a nootropics snake oil scam, which he presumably got wind of from a Facebook ad or an email forward, is definitely something I can get behind.

Blondie, 12/6/21

I think of Dagwood and Blondie as “old people,” to go along with the title of this post, because they were adults when I was a kid, but I guess they’re actually not old at all. They’re probably younger than I am now! Ha ha! Oh, life is so short and so fleeting! Anyway, if you’ve ever wondered what sort of sex stuff these two are into, it turns out it’s somehow both more banal and more distasteful than you could’ve imagined.

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Blondie, 11/19/21

I know I spend far too much time going on and on about comic book time here, but it really is an interesting lens for analyzing long-running strips like Blondie where all the characters stay more or less the same age. Like, for instance, to me as a reader, Ditzwell in the back seat there has been carpooling with Dagwood literally as long as I can remember, but the two of them haven’t gotten any older over that stretch, so who’s to say how long it’s been for them? Maybe they’re still getting acquainted with one another! Nevertheless, unless this is literally the first time Ditzwell has ever been in the car with Dagwood, he ought to know exactly who would buy these jelly beans. And let’s not even talk about say Herb, Dagwood’s ostensible best friend, who claims to be similarly mystified! It’s wild that a man of such obvious and simple pleasures can still somehow be an enigma to those closest to him.

Family Circus, 11/19/21

“Remember? He’s a robot! We’re all robots! Mommy and Daddy had real kids once, but no human could say the dardnest things efficiently enough for their needs.”