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Crankshaft, 7/10/22

This week, Crankshaft already delivered some “fan service” to that portion of the reader base who, like me, are interested in seeing the title character stung by dozens of bees, so I guess I have to accept that they also have to cater to those who want to see Crankshaft having sex in a car, or at least blowing his nose so vigorously that the windows steam up.

Family Circus, 7/10/22

Speaking of hanky panky, some might see this strip as showing Big Daddy Keane imitating his worst son in an attempt to convince his wife to initiate sex, but check out how genuinely sad he looks in the last panel: I think it’s just about the affectionate physical touch he hasn’t received in years and will continue not receiving in the future.

Hi and Lois, 7/10/22

Man, this is a real bummer for me, because for a long time this has been one of my go-to Fun Facts to drop at parties or whatever but now that I see that a boring suburban dad like Hi is enthusiastic about explaining it I’m reevaluating my whole attitude about this! Although, one thing he leaves out is that people didn’t just do chores when they woke up in the middle of the night; that was also a popular time for religious devotion, and a lot of what we know about this whole sleeping schedule comes from prayer books written specifically for this contex[I AM PULLED OFF STAGE BY A GIANT VAUDVILLE-STYLE HOOK]

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Crankshaft, 7/8/22

Look, obviously this blog is about 15% by volume me slamming on Funkyverse strips, so I’m just going to get ahead of things here and say that today’s strip is very, very funny, and the time-reverse gimmick is a good one that makes it funnier. Was it worthwhile spending 35 years writing the comic strip Crankshaft in such a way that we all hate him enough to get a genuine belly laugh watching him flee in terror from angry bees? Probably not, but in this moment, I appreciate it.

Blondie, 7/8/22

It’s extremely not new to remark on how much modern filmmaking is dominated by superhero franchises, but that doesn’t mean the syndicated newspaper comic strip Blondie can’t bring anything new to the table. In this case, it’s “late-middle-aged-and-older dudes find superheroes sexually threatening,” which I have to admit is new to me at least.

Dick Tracy, 7/8/22

Oh, right, I had forgotten that the Moon People in Dick Tracy had to leave the Moon for some reason and relocate to an undisclosed location (that turns out to be Antarctica) and Dick pretended to care about his family so he could sniff out the answer to this puzzle, because he’s the world’s greatest detective and also an asshole. I was going to do a joke about him conquering Moon Valley, but he’s a cop, annexing territory isn’t really his bag. I guess he could arrest everyone for violating the Antarctic Treaty System, but enforcing international law isn’t really his bag either.

Family Circus, 7/8/22

Gotta respect the thought process here, which was apparently, “Sure, we establish in dialogue that he’s still drinking his soda, but comics are a visual medium, we need to show that with a big disgusting blob of spit coming out of his mouth. Those grandmas who cut the panel out to hang on their fridge might not like it, but this one’s just for me.”

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Dennis the Menace, 6/8/22

Damn, Dennis is trying to talk Joey into pulling off some Munchausen syndrome by proxy … by proxy? I guess that would just be regular Munchausen syndrome. Anyway, still extremely menacing all around.

Crankshaft, 6/8/22

I’m not a religious man, but I would urge you to pray to whatever God you believe in that we all will be blessed by a Crankshaft storyline where he and all his old friends lose their money in some extremely transparent crypto scam. Can’t wait to learn what kind of terrible ape-themed malapropism Ed will make as he stares out at us with dead eyes, mentally pushing back his retirement date to sometime in the mid 2040s.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/8/22

“Hmm,” thinks Rex. “I’m not thrilled at the prospect of having to leave the house, but on the other hand I do have that trepanning kit I haven’t gotten much use out of lately, thanks to those meddling liberals over at the FDA.”