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Crock, 2/11/24

You know, some days I open up the ol’ comics in my newspaper web browser and think, “After all these years on this blog, do I truly have anything new to say?” But then I realize that Crock contains one of the many Crockian elements that annoy me — the tendency to generically call all the enlisted men under Crock’s command “trooper” — and I finally take the initiative go look up the names of the ranks in the French Foreign Legion and discover that, in fact, their equivalent of a private is given the rank of “légionnaire.” Why wouldn’t they be calling them this in this strip? You’re the only newspaper comic strip set in the French Foreign Legion, please lean into it! Why else do you think people are even reading you? Trust me, it’s not for the jokes.

Six Chix, 2/11/24

“Wait, why is this guy green?” you’re probably asking, like a simpleton. Uh, hello? Some sicko in San Francisco just removed his head from his neck, and then removed his neck entirely, and then affixed his head directly to his shoulders? My dude definitely died during that process, which is why, just like the classic Universal Pictures design of Frankenstein’s Monster, he’s green, because that’s what color a shambling collection of rotting corpse parts is. Can’t believe I still have to explain this to you people.

Panels from Beetle Bailey, 2/11/24

Something extremely sinister is happening in the throwaway panels of Beetle Bailey. “I’m so close to convincing the platoon that the world is slowly dying and the only solution is mass suicide. Hopefully they won’t notice — ah, damn it! Curse Zero’s eternal optimism and functioning clock!”

Dick Tracy, 2/11/24

Aw, looks like Sam’s gone back to visit his old popski at the family diner. And just in time to keep his dad from poisoning yet another one of his customers!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/11/24

“I never could’ve imagined this outcome. It’s wild, huh? Surprises? Arbitrary revelations for which no groundwork has been laid? This is what people enjoy in narrative, right? They find this satisfying?”

Mary Worth, 2/11/24

Oh, no! Sonia isn’t Keith’s daughter after all! Who could’ve possibly predicted? Oh, right, all of us. Obviously what’s going to happen is that Keith isn’t going to tell anybody this and will just continue to treat Sonia as the daughter he never knew because That’s What A Hero He Is, but I think it would be very funny if today’s quote is a hint that his emotional devastation is going to lead to a mescaline binge.

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Family Circus, 1/22/24

Look, I’m not going to stand here and claim that the line between “saying the darnedest things” and “heresy” is a clear and bright one. But it does exist, and Ma Keane is seen here subtly but carefully policing it.

Hagar the Horrible, 1/22/24

Hey! This strip promotes the pernicious myth that the only qualification for being a Viking is that you like stealing stuff. That’s simply not true! You also have to like killing people, and we have no idea if this ex-banker has what it takes. (Surprisingly, you don’t have to like being in boats for long periods of time, as the puking guy up front makes clear.)

Crock, 1/22/24

Oops! Looks like the Legion took Poulet’s pessimistic assessment so seriously that they decided to fly the Black Standard of Muhammad to demonstrate that they had already gone over to the insurgents’ side and converted to Islam. Too late to back out now, fellas!

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Crock, 1/16/24

I’m not sure what series of facial expressions I would make if I spoke to my institutionalized mother about the fact that she’s so dissocated from her body that she can’t recognize the rumbling of her own bowels, but I’m pretty sure this isn’t it. Honestly can’t really tell what it’s trying to convey, but it definitely wouldn’t be me!

Dustin, 1/16/24

“Anyway, you’re dying. Or maybe just depressed. One or the other for sure. Could be both.”

Mutts, 1/16/24

Why is her torso covered in eyes

Why is her torso covered in eyes