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OK, well, now I feel kind of bad about my feud with Crock, if such a thing can properly ever have been said to exist, because it appears that Crock is closing up shop, and for … actually pretty heartfelt reasons. Strip creator Bill Rechin died last year, and, in that bizarre tradition that applies to the newspaper comics world and no other industry in America, his son Kevin took over the strip. Except that working on his father’s strip, instead of making him feel closer to his father as it might for others in his position, made him feel the loss all the more keenly. So instead of continuing, he’s closing it down; the last Crock strip will run on May 20. I want to offer my condolences to Mr. Rechin, and I hope he finds some peace from the move.

Anyway, now it is time for your COTW!

“No, no Rusty, the drug guys aren’t in jail. They’re still tied up to that tree where we left them. Have you ever dealt with the federal government? No, they won’t be in jail for two or three weeks, assuming they survive that long.” –cheech wizard

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Dying in childbirth? Honey, what decade do you come from? Update that subscription to W magazine, sister! It’s all about surviving childbirth so you can micromanage your child’s life these days!” –C. Sandy Cyst

“It all makes sense now. Every edition of Crock is addressed to one specific person and/or grudge, and is a complete mystery to everybody else.” –lorne

“Congratulations if you just googled ‘ABORBS’ to figure out if it was a real world. We’re equally idiotic!” –Chareth Cutestory

“Today on Reruns of Archie: that memorable storyline when the cast was turned into a swarm of buzzing bees! Here we see them abandoned by their queen and left to wander, bereft of purpose! Tomorrow: Jughead attempts to sting Coach Cleats!” –Black Drazon

“Look at the grin on Crankshaft’s granddaughter’s face, one of the biggest and most genuine in the history of the Funkyverse, as she gleefully and grattuitously forces him do something he really, really hates.” –Nekrotzar

“Miss Grundy’s all like, ‘Hey, you kids! Turn off those dildos!'” –Doctor Handsome

“The Riverdale ever-buzzing hive mind has been chastised by Miss Grundy, and for a moment, its seven lobes share a flickering of guilt. It leaves the building, lockstep, in unison, unhappiness creasing its seven brows. Then, the node of id, the Jughead, resumes its customary disdainful smirk. Soon, each unit mirrors it, and spoken simultaneously from seven mouths is the final decision: The fall of man.” –bunivasal

“That bus is perhaps the single greatest thing I’ve seen yet in Gil Thorp. I hope we’re treated to more storyline transitions inspired by the clip art options available in Microsoft Word 97.” –sporknpork

“I like that really shitty-looking ponytails are now an acceptable hairstyle for brides.” –Vulvarine

“There is no one on the other end of the phone. Mark is desperate to get out of the long-promised fishing trip with Rusty, so he is pretending to have an incoming call, and shouting to make sure Rusty will hear him from the next room. ‘WHAT? YOU SAY YOUR FATHER IS ACCUSED OF MURDER! AND THE PRESIDENT SAID THAT ONLY MARK TRAIL CAN HELP? BUT I PROMISED RUSTY I WOULD TAKE HIM FISHING! WHAT? THE PRESIDENT SAID THAT I HAVE TO COME THERE RIGHT NOW, OR HE WILL INVADE IRAN? I CAN’T HAVE THAT ON MY CONSCIENCE! RUSTY WILL UNDERSTAND … WON’T HE?” –Calvin’s Cardboard Box

“How can that lawman resist giving up all the answers? Mark has totally thrashed him in their ‘leaning furthest forward whilst exclaiming’ competition!” –Adam

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Crock, 5/6/12

OH SNAP I JUST GOT TOTALLY BURNED! It may have taken six years, but the good people over at Crock have finally noticed that they’re in a feud with me, and have responded appropriately. While the idea that I began my blog as the result of some kind of massive traumatic brain injury would explain a lot of things, the jokes on them: I never had any artistic talent in the first place, suckers!

Of course, if you aren’t me or part of the fairly small slice of the comics-reading public who also reads my blog, this strip would make exactly zero sense to you. Just another Sunday Crock, in other words.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/6/12

That lovingly rendered next-to-last panel sure isn’t going to change the minds of anyone who thinks that the creators of Rex Morgan, M.D., have some kind of sick nostril fetish.

Apartment 3-G, 5/6/12

“So my suspicions are correct: Nina is an eternally undead vampire! At last, a worthy adversary!”

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Funky Winkerbean, 4/19/12

Congrats to Funky Winkerbean for coming up with a storyline that finally makes me feel hate for it again, instead of just bemused indifference! I don’t know why I find Underclassman Nerd Whose Name I Don’t Remember’s love for Summer so irritating. As a nerd myself who likes feisty, non-demure gals, you’d think I’d be in his corner, but I just find his whole strategy and technique annoying and doomed. Since he first fell for her because she rescued him from a bully, I suppose that the inevitable ending of this plot, in which Summer punches U.N.W.N.I.D.R. in the face, will at least provide some O. Henry-style chuckles.

Today’s strip also made me laugh joylessly at the thought that Montoni’s represents “good pizza,” rather than “the only pizza you can eat outside your home in this hell-burg, and also Summer’s dad works there so what do you expect.”

Crock, 4/19/12

You guys, nobody tell the creators of Crock that “pitch a tent” is a euphemism for sporting a visible erection, OK? I don’t want them to be embarrassed about how they accidentally used the phrase in this comic. (I choose to believe that they’re unfamiliar with this bit of modern-day slang, because the alternative is too awful to contemplate.)

Marvin, 4/19/12

Marvin’s parents can’t bring themselves to kill him with a rock, so they’ve just fled from the house and are letting him starve to death.