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Crock, 4/2/08

Readers, help me out here: is “hike” some kind of dialectical term for “urinate” or “defecate”? That would be the only way this strip would make any kind of sense, but I can’t seem to find any evidence that the word is ever used in that way. The real tragedy here is that for once Crock came up with a halfway funny joke (admittedly one that’s both gross and cruel, but I never claimed to be highbrow) only to have it bowdlerized.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/2/08

Apparently June, seething with contempt for her husband as usual, agrees with faithful reader indrifan’s COTW runner-up comment from last week. “Play health inspector!” Ha! And “Andy will need all the help he can get” (subtext: and you sure aren’t going to provide it). Rex would be hurt, if he cared at all what June thought.

Dennis the Menace, 4/2/08

SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO DENNIS’S RIGHT HAND? I think that somebody, knowing that Dennis’s ADD-addled mind is unable to properly weigh long-term advantage against short-term gain, has been telling him stories about the “finger fairy,” then casually leaving a chisel where he could get at it.

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Crock, 1/20/08

I’m less concerned about the ever-hapless Figowitz than I am for the fish. I realize that fish don’t have eyelids, but the poor beastie’s little frownie face makes it look as if he’d been pumped full of air (or something — is that a caulk gun?) and then sent on to Crock for consumption while still alive. Worse, he’s been treated in some devilish way that has allowed him to pass through the cooking process from scaly gray to golden brown while remaining inflated. I’d look unhappy too, I think.

Panels from Dennis the Menace, 1/20/08

I’m kind of at a loss to explain the throwaway panels in today’s Dennis the Menace. Are they some kind of allegory on international politics? Margaret in her beret represents the Europeans, who spend much of their GNP on social programs and can’t understand why the Americans (represented by Dennis in his blue jacket and red-and-white striped hat) invest so heavily in “ammunition” (i.e. defense programs). Will the two sides ever learn to see eye to eye? Or will Dennis just paste Margaret in the back of the head?

Mary Worth, 1/20/08

Dr. Drew, you show us all that chivalry isn’t dead! He’s well aware that his checked sports coat is a aesthetic crime against all that is good and holy, but he’s also seen how Vera dresses, and he knows that a gentleman always makes sure that his lady isn’t wearing the ugliest thing in the room.

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Beetle Bailey, 12/21/07

Man, forget Miss Buxley; Private Blips is obviously where it’s at. Girl is clearly a stone cold freak. She’s gone way past what some dirty book can do for her, and now she’s just going to get any man who walks into the office to talk dirty to her. Miss Buxley’s look of horror in panel two just shows that she’s just a girl, totally unable to deal with the raw sexuality of a real woman like Private Blips. You go, girl!

Killer’s “quivering hat symbolizing arousal” still kind of grosses me out, I have to say. But hey, Blips, whatever floats your boat.

Crock, 12/21/07

You would have thought that Crock had already brought Grossie to the nadir of degradation, perhaps at the very moment at which it chose to name her “Grossie.” But now, with nobody around to make fat jokes about her, she’s being forced to make them about herself. Classy!

Marmaduke, 12/21/07

“Or perhaps you’ve killed your owner and you’re wearing his hat, along with the top of his skull? Yes, that seems most likely, actually.”