Archive: Crock

Tuesday, Jun 05, 2007 Comments are closed

Wonders never cease

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Crock 6/5/07

I never thought I’d see the day when I’d say something nice about the art in Crock, but, well, when you get to 1,100+ posts on your damn comics blog, you end up in places you could never have imagined.

I kind of like the empty thought balloon over Grossie’s head in the second panel. (Yes, her name really is “Grossie,” and yes, she’s married to “Maggot.”) The execution is sub-par, but conceptually, I like it as an indicator that the thought balloonist is thinking something important for the narrative, but not something that you the reader is allowed to be privy to just yet. However, in this panel I am distracted from my brief feeling of artistic appreciation by the horror show that is Grossie’s mouth. It’s bad enough that it’s usually depicted as an black lipsticked bow that floats disconcertingly on the outside of her niqab; here it yawns open hideously, with the right corner stretching halfway down her chest to create an image out of a Dali-esque nightmare.

Hmm, so I guess I ended up not being very nice here after all.

Mark Trail, 6/5/07

Sure, we all love it when Mark Trail punches the fake beard off some ne’er-do-well, or when a badger the size of an Abrams tank appears with a word balloon coming out of its rectum, but I think we need to appreciate the lower-key installments of this strip as well. Today’s episode gives any Trailhead so many reasons to keep coming back. There’s Buzzard’s dialog, which ranges from the impossibly stilted (“I think this is the place I should be”) to the frankly ungrammatical (“It can’t be good, but as long as they pay me!”), and Buzzard’s tiny, Ted Forth-like hands, which seem so at odds with his bulky body (which is just poured into those overalls, by the way). Then in panel three, we’ve got Sam Hill, with her sexy eye makeup and sexy bangs and sexy cravat, practically throwing herself at poor, oblivious Mark as they head over to OPERATIONS WEATHER. Bliss, I tell you, pure bliss.

Shoe, 5/6/07

I’m kind of surprised the newspaper is bothering to review Roz’s diner. If I’m remembering correctly (and I might not be — despite appearances, I do try to minimize the time I spend thinking about Shoe), Roz’s is the only place you ever see the characters in this strip eating outside of their homes, and thus might be the only restaurant in Treetops. The review should just read “Roz’s: If you give them money, they will prepare food for you to eat.”

Tuesday, May 22, 2007 Comments are closed

Born 2 Menace

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Dennis the Menace, 5/22/07

Dennis the Menace rightly gets flack on this site for his repeated failure to menace anybody, and today’s installment, in which he and his pal Joey take a whimsical trip down memory lane on the family footstool, would seem to be even less menacing than most. But think about it: Dennis is well aware of the fact that Alice, who used to have a name, and, moreover, an identity of her own, has now, by the very fact of his whelping, become merely an adjunct to his own larger-than-life personality. She’s no longer Alice Mitchell, and she’s definitely not Alice Whatever-Her-Maiden-Name-Was; she’s just “mom,” and, more to the point, she’s mom to the most hated child in the county. And Dennis looks pretty damn smug about this state of affairs. That sound you hear is millions of women across the country opening the cases that hold their birth control pills, double-checking to make sure they haven’t missed a day.

Hi and Lois, 5/22/07

I like the fact that Hi is not charmed by his twins’ antics, but rather stares at their handiwork in goggle-eyed panic. The lawn is shaggy enough that he can’t really care that much about the damage to the landscaping; rather, he sees that his golf dates, which were his only chance to get away from his hated family, will now be replaced by sullen putting around his backyard to delight of his squealing kids, followed by his suicide.

Crock, 5/22/07

Today we learn that the characters in Crock are in fact parasites who live their days wandering around the bright yellow flesh of some unimaginably huge being. If you had told me that somehow they’d find a way to make this strip even more unsettling than it already is, I wouldn’t have believed you, but there it is.

Momma, 5/22/07

Today we also learn that Momma’s Francis is into watersports, or maybe scat play. This revelation really ought to make the strip even more unsettling than it already is, but after I found out that Francis surfs for Internet porn while sitting right next to his mother, frankly nothing he does could possibly shock me.

Sunday, May 20, 2007 Comments are closed

The slow march of remorse

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Slylock Fox, 5/20/07

All of Slylock’s fancy brain-thinkin’ seems to have gone to waste here: it’s pretty obvious that the sadly un-alliteratively-named turtle is the only one gripped by guilt for what he’s done. Perhaps he never imagined himself embarking on a life of crime; maybe he just needed to pay his gambling debts, or score some tiny turtle smack; maybe now he’s thinking about how tough life’s going to be for a turtle in the big house, or at least wishing he was able to run away from the cops a little faster. At any rate, he’s just about the only Slylock Fox villain I’ve ever seen look remorseful; usually Shady Shrew or Slick Smitty or Count Weirdly react to being snagged by the long paw of the law with a smug, shit-eating grin, knowing that they’ll be out on the street committing more petty crimes in a pointlessly convoluted fashion soon enough.

Also, I think there may be Fourth Amendment issues involved in this police station’s “check all suspects for ear mites” policy.

I’m too lazy to figure any of the differences in the “six differences” puzzle, but I’m pretty sure the dude on the bed is dead in both versions of the cartoon. At least he appears to have died happy. The cat seems pleased about this situation, but presumably it will change its mind when there isn’t anything left of the corpse to eat.

Judge Parker, 5/20/07

This is clear illustration that more than $2.5 million in the checking account + a total lack of impulse control = big, big trouble. For a while, many have believed that Roger has misrepresented Rachel’s dementia and his right to dispose of her property; today, I’m beginning to suspect that this isn’t even Roger at all, as he’s clearly peeled off his fake mustache as he heads out the door (and somehow managed to become even more unattractively simian-looking in the process).

Crock, 5/20/07

It’s a sad day indeed when God Almighty’s awesome power of omniscience falls out of favor in the popular mind and must thus be rebranded as “heavencams.” Of course, since He created all of time and space, He really only has Himself to blame.