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Archive: Dennis the Menace

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Crankshaft did all this damage during work hours, so maybe he’ll bankrupt the school district too!

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Crankshaft, 8/27/16

I’ve been reading Crankshaft on and off for most of my adult life, and so I of course was well familiar with the eternal struggle between the title character and George Keesterman, whose mailbox Crankshaft routinely destroys with his bus, because he’s dangerously incompetent at his job. For most of this time, I assumed that “Keesterman” was an always off-screen presence à la Maris from Frasier, and it was only a few years ago that I realized he was the guy in Crankshaft’s sad little social circle who wasn’t what’s-his-face, the short guy with the glasses and mustache who owned the old movie theater and ran for mayor. Ralph! That’s it, Ralph. Anyway, this was hard for me to reconcile, because I had always imagined Keesterman to while away his days animated by a white-hot rage against Crankshaft, so why was he spending time with him socially? The answer, I guess, is the typical Funkyversian one, which is that all life is suffering and unhappiness, but today he’s finally decided to have his revenge by dragging one of his only two friends into court in order to ruin him financially. Should make those long breakfasts where they sit around and drink coffee and tip poorly extra awkward! Especially for Ralph.

Dennis the Menace, 8/27/16

Haha, look at Alice’s face in panel one. She knows what’s coming. “Don’t you say it. Don’t you God-damned say it.” But no, he said it, while resting a finger on his chin and looking up with big, innocent eyes. This the most calculating menacing I’ve seen in this strip in months.

Spider-Man, 8/27/16

It’s day three of Spider-Man getting punched repeatedly in the face and I’m here to report: watching Spider-Man getting punched repeatedly in the face is in fact p-r-e-t-t-y great.

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Is there a special “boatsplosion rider” you can get on your insurance

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Mark Trail, 8/20/16

Haha, remember all those boats that Mark rented using the Woods & Wildlife Magazine corporate credit card, which later got blown up? (The boats, not the credit card.) Mark would like to let you know, by wagging his finger somewhat condescendingly at you, that those massive boat explosions weren’t necessarily his fault, per se. Anyway, the boat he’s about to rent is going to blow up so hard, I think we can all agree.

Dennis the Menace, 8/20/16

I don’t really have anything to say about this panel on my usual menacing/non-menacing axis; I mainly want to know about the secret backstory of Dennis the Menace, where George and Henry go to parties at night and get super blotto.

Marvin, 8/20/16

Hey, remember back in 2011, when Marvin’s parents were trying to potty train him? Well now it’s 2016, and Marvin’s parents are trying to potty train him! To paraphrase Jorge Luis Borges, in the timeless universe of Marvin, potty-training Marvin is the only thing that has happened in the world, and it will go on happening endlessly.

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Probably she shouldn’t be surveying any Barlow property, just in case

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 8/19/16

You know, what with Hootin’ Holler being a largely lawless place, with a rugged landscape and local knowledge about property holdings more likely to be passed down through generations by word of mouth than delineated on any map, bringing in surveyors isn’t the worst idea in the world! It could be a real growth industry, and could probably help cut down on the endless, violent clan feuds whose flareups can often be blamed on property line disputes, even if control of moonshine smuggling turf is ultimately the root cause. And, let’s be real, it’d be pretty useful for someone in the Smif family to have a job.

Dennis the Menace, 8/19/16

If you want to create a portrait of a child as a low-key but effective menace to everything you think about yourself as a person who heads a civilized family, this is a good start: he stares at your guest with dead eyes and shows unfamiliarity with basic concepts, all while drooling freely onto his own dinner.

Beetle Bailey and Crock, 8/19/16

Hey kids, did you know that some of America’s longest-running comic strips take place in the military during actual violent conflicts? Beetle Bailey is stateside, for the most part, but its soldiers must know that they could be deployed at any time; in today’s strip, their nighttime anxieties escalate, from right to left, climaxing with Beetle, who, panicked but clear-eyed, can only think of massive, world-obliterating explosions. Meanwhile, today’s Crock reminds us that most of the main characters are occupation troops in a grinding, brutal colonial war. Happy Friday!