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Spider-Man, 3/19/16

I genuinely neither know nor want to know what is going on below Spider-Man’s waist in panel two here. The relative ability to rotate your femur bones all the way around of … a spider? Anyway, this is nicely distracting us from the fact that, when running to find his wife only in the company of a guy who already knows his secret identity, Peter Parker feels obliged to abruptly put on his spider-suit. It makes him feel safe, and powerful!

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 3/19/16

Parson Tuttle may be a grifter, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t experience pangs of conscience now and then. That’s why his wife is always there, to keep him on the plan! Those fancy hats aren’t gonna pay for themselves!

Dennis the Menace, 3/19/16

In the end, this is the most effective way the old can menace the young: by letting them know that the long life they have ahead of them will be filled with disappointments.

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Six Chix, 3/15/16

Hey, remember how these goldfish used to have a friend, but he escaped from the bowl, only to die in agony while they watched? We all learned a valuable lesson that day about never trying to go beyond the bounds of your everyday life, no matter how constricting they seem. Anyway, today we also learn that even we stay safe in our home, we’ll eventually die, mostly due to our own flaws, which we can neither control nor overcome.

Mary Worth, 3/15/16

Oh, so now Mary and Jeff are just, uh, rehashing the basic concept of the strip? Did Mary Worth get picked up by a new paper for the first time in years? “Shit,” they’re saying down at Mary Worth HQ, “do we gotta … explain how this thing works?” [Blows dust off a manila folder labelled SO YOU JUST STARTED READING MARY WORTH]

Dennis the Menace, 3/15/16

OK, so, I suppose a child asking another child if she has a signature cocktail is mildly menacing, but let’s talk about that uniform. I guess it’s supposed to be a Girl Scout uniform, but it in no way resembles what Girl Scouts actually wear. If Margaret is starting her own neighborhood paramilitary group, that’s gonna take menacing to a whole new level.

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Heathcliff, 3/6/16

Right there in the third panel of the middle row is where Heathcliff straight-up murders a fish. I love its facial expression — not terror, but grim resignation. “Welp,” it seems to be thinking, “I guess I should’ve done more with my life. Too late now!”

Dennis the Menace, 3/6/16

Dennis sure has been on a reign of defecatory terror lately. Money? Art? All the things that separate us from the animals? Dennis will crap on it. Dennis will crap on all of it.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/6/16

“I’ve never lived anywhere else! And neither will you, now! You can’t leave the property! There’s a curse!”

Panel from Hi and Lois, 3/6/16

ha ha ha punk rock dude, you’re in a band that plays Eagles covers