Archive: Dennis the Menace

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Dennis the Menace, 8/25/18

If I know my Dennis Mitchell, he’d never say “he will” rather than “he’ll.” And if I know my genre conventions, inappropriate failure to use contractions is a sign that what we’re dealing with here is an android, presumably one that Mr. Wilson built in his garage workshop to make him feel like he has some kind of control over his life. “Ha ha,” says the Dennis-bot, “Mr. Wilson will need a calculator to count so many calories, because biological life forms are not good at mathematicak operations, even simple ones like addition!” George looks incredibly smug because he knows he could turn Dennis off whenever he wants.

Family Circus, 8/25/18

“Your eyes, Daddy!” Dolly exclaimed, grabbing at them with her short, stumpy fingers. “So wise and learnèd.” She began to really dig in there with her surprisingly sharp nails. “I want them.” Her voice deepened, and echoed like something very far away, yet at the same time rose to a deafening pitch. “I want your eyes. Give them to me. Give me your eyes. I want them.”

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Crankshaft, 8/22/18

I’m all for seasonally recurring gags in the comics — since I’ve moved to Southern California, one of the few signals I get that we’re transitioning from summer to fall is when the moms on Crankshaft’s bus route go into their training routine to prepare to get their children to school safely despite the district’s steadfast refusal to fire their most incompetent employee. Still, I feel like today’s strip has lost the plot a little bit? I mean, if you feel like you need to work out your anger towards some overly aggressive personal trainer (or possibly towards some middle aged lady who won’t try hard enough) in your comic, more power to you, I guess, but let’s not forget to include a little Crankshaft content in there!

Dennis the Menace, 8/22/18

Casually mentioning within Dennis’s earshot that Henry and Alice never wanted kids in the first place is one of the more menacing things Mr. Wilson has done in a while, you have to admit!

Funky Winkerbean, 8/22/18

It never took Mr. Dinkle this long to “drive all the way up the east coast,” if you know what I mean! (I mean sex. Mr. Dinkle had sex with Holly’s mom and as a lover was both generous and efficient.)

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Dennis the Menace, 8/19/18

Man, I’ve been asked to believe some improbable things about Dennis Mitchell in my time — that he’s six and allowed to roam unsupervised around the neighborhood, that his parents talk smack about other adults in front of him somehow not anticipating that he will immediately spill the beans when he meets said other adults, that he wears literally the exact same clothes every day and hasn’t been diagnosed with a serious personality disorder or reported to child protective services, etc. But I absolutely refuse to go along with the idea that Dennis can distinguish between different types of jazz, and moreover prefers some types to others! I won’t have it, do you hear me? I won’t!

Panel from Slylock Fox, 8/19/18

Wait, how is this Weirdly-bot getting power? Has the kooky Count developed some form of perpetual motion machine, or perhaps an engine that can derive electricity from the air or ambient light? Once again, the lede is extremely buried.

Mark Trail, 8/19/18

Mark, I have to disagree with you: I think the relative harmlessness of snakes sounds like a delightful topic for breakfast conversation! Nothing like shoving cereal down your food hole, maintaining unbroken eye contact with your partner, and saying, “Look, I know hognose snakes are venomous, but they aren’t likely to pose any serious threat to human beings. So go ahead and pick it up! What are you, a baby?