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Gil Thorp, 11/13/24

Oh yeah, remember Coach Perm Gerads, who briefly seemed like he might be Gil’s new nemesis but then he got beat up by his own students? Well, this sent him on a downward spiral into madness that delivered him here, his perm now stringy and wild, promising to eat a shoe for the amusement of the sort of layabouts and yahoos who watch local TV during the middle of the day. Gil at one point was doing his own ads for this used car impresario, and if you need to know what this Valley Conference grandee thinks of the relative strengths of the Goshen and Milford squads, run the numbers on the proposed trade here: if Goshen wins, Fox promises to reduce their revenues by 50% indefinitely, which would swiftly bankrupt the dealership, and if Milford wins, Coach Gerards will livestream himself doing something humiliating, which will cost Fox nothing and also bring new subscribers to the dealership’s various social channels.

Judge Parker, 11/13/24

I would’ve thought that Problematic Age Gap Discourse was very late 2023/early 2024, but apparently we’re going to get some in Judge Parker, which is fine because I find Glen’s facial expression in panel one very amusing. Also I will note that he is supposed to be in his early 20s and has shown up for his date with his college sophomore girlfriend wearing a grey suit jacket and a white dress shirt, which may signal a Problematic Coolness Gap that the stubble simply cannot mitigate.

Gasoline Alley, 11/13/24

I feel like “Look at Saturn’s rings while you can, kids!” is a pretty ominous statement, like it clearly implies that this is the last they’ll see of them, and the final panel really doesn’t fully walk it back. What does Arty the AI know about certain Events that will happen in the next twelve months that will result in these children, and possibly the rest of our species, never seeing Saturn’s rings again? Guess we’ll find out, haha!

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 11/13/24

Finally, after nearly 80 years, “Bunky” has returned to this strip. Who knows what sort of wild, exciting gags this will provide opportunities for? [LITERALLY ONE DAY LATER] Hey, you guys heard about this pumpkin spice stuff? You heard about this?

Dennis the Menace, 11/13/24

Aw, look at Martha’s face! Even after all these years she’s tickled by George’s bullshit. I think it’s sweet!

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Rhymes With Orange, 11/10/24

Hey, everybody. Have you ever wondered if demons, the dark angels who have turned their back on God and now live in Hell, where they have the job of inflicting awful tortures on the damned for all eternity, have to go to school, like orindary children? Well, apparently they do. I’m just as surprised as you, to be honest. Doesn’t seem like it’d be up their alley in my opinion. They really strike me as being more into the cursing their Creator and inflicting inhuman suffering on his creations kind of thing rather than learning new information and skills in a supportive environment.

Dennis the Menace, 11/10/24

“Based on the fact that he’s walking towards Mr. Wilson’s house, I bet he’s walking towards Mr. Wilson’s house.” Do you even hear yourself, Henry? Do you and your wife truly have nothing better to talk about than this? That’s sad, man.

Crock, 11/10/24

Every once in a while I like to play the game of “What Year’s Topical Issue Is Today’s Crock Rerun About?” This one clearly is about “health care reform,” obviously. But, that doesn’t really narrow it down: was it from 2010? 1993? 1974? 1945? Could be any of them! This strip’s been around forever!

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Intelligent Life, 11/8/24

I can’t believe I’m saying this about Intelligent Life, a comic strip that’s usually about unpleasant bug-eyed people saying fandom words at each other, but today’s strip is actually based on fairly complex semiotic play. Rather than simply having a conversation, Skippy, and, uh, the other guy are talking about the sort of conversation they expect to have, while simultaneously undermining those expectations. Skippy’s reply being put in quote marks, indicating we’re at least one layer of metanarrative deep here, is a particularly effective device.

Hagar the Horrible, 11/8/24

Speaking of narrative, if they had put an eggheaded intellectual like me in charge of today’s Hagar the Horrible, it would’ve been about how the canonically illiterate Hagar believes that his people’s lore should be preserved via their ancient oral tradition of poetry, and is horrified to see Hamlet reading it out of some book. But you could also do a joke about how he’s afraid of spiders, I guess. I mean, why not, if you want to. I don’t like spiders either, for the record.

Mary Worth, 11/8/24

Incredible visual storytelling here: in panel two, we discover that this whole time Wilbur was standing just in front of these ladies, ready to start manically ranting about how great Mary and her food are, certainly better than the sad Lean Cuisine meals he microwaves every night and baptizes with his tears — but only the sudden pullback of our viewpoint reveals his face, in a real jump scare.

Dennis the Menace, 11/8/24

Wait, doesn’t the “world’s best dad” formulation imply that there aren’t any more like him? Does … does Dennis not know that other people have dads, or what?