Archive: Dennis the Menace

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Mary Worth, 3/19/18

Hmm, how does Mary Worth fare on the suddenly very relevant Soap Opera Comic Museum Verisimilitude Test? Well, significantly worse than The Phantom, which meticulously reconstructed a room at the Met for its protagonist to ruminate sourly in. It turns out that Botticelli’s Birth of Venus is in the Uffizi just to the left of the same artist’s Pallas and the Centaur, and not, as today’s Mary Worth would have you believe, next to Some Trees Or Whatever.

Spider-Man, 3/19/18

Oh, man, remember the tense drama that arose in this strip when, for for reasons that were explained in only the sketchiest of ways, Bruce Banner could no longer turn into the Hulk? Well, good news: now he can turn into the Hulk again, with no attempt to explain it at all.

Crankshaft, 3/19/18

Don’t get your hopes up, people. Last year’s Funky Winkerbean strip where we finally had it confirmed that Crankshaft’s moldering husk is still technically alive in the ten-years-ahead section of the Funkyverse’s fractured chronology wasn’t just weird and distasteful; it also robbed us of even fleeting moments of anticipation that Crankshaft might actually die in his own title strip.

Dennis the Menace, 3/19/18

The vision of a child stuffing cookie after cookie into his mouth from a trash can infested with chittering vermin as he mutters “Still clean enough, still clean enough for me,” is … uh, menacing, yes, let’s say that.

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Blondie, 3/11/18

I was going to say that this reads like someone who’s never worked in an office making jokes about what working in an office is like based on things they’ve read or seen on TV, but then I thought about “Yeah, this water won’t drink itself!” and now I think it’s someone who’s never spoken to another human being making jokes about things human beings say based on what they’ve read or seen on TV.

Mary Worth, 3/11/18

Soooo, this strip has the distinct vibe of wrapping up this storyline, and if that’s the case all I can say is wow. If there’s a lesson we’re supposed to learn here, I guess it’s that if you try to use your skills for profit, you’re a whore and you’ll be treated like one, so the best course of action is to dedicate yourself to God and His representatives on Earth, and also not ever tell anybody about the time some guy tried to rape you because who’d be interested anyhow?

Dennis the Menace, 3/11/18

Not sure what’s more menacing: that Mr. Wilson is going to teach Dennis phrases that signal solidarity with bigots without being overtly racist, or that he’s going to trick him into summoning a vast pack of hungry dogs who will devour him.

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Dennis the Menace, 3/10/18

“Who would’ve guessed we’d get to spend the afternoon burying a dead guy, just because Mr. Wilson says we’re too young to go to ‘grown-up jail’?”

Pluggers, 3/10/18

This is hoarding. It’s real diagnosable condition and pluggers have it! They’re literally hoarding things!

Beetle Bailey, 3/10/18

YOU HEAR THAT YOU MILLENNIAL PUNKS? YOU LIKE TEXTING, DO YA? WELL YOU’RE GONNA FUCKIN DIE!!!!!