Post Content

Apartment 3-G, 4/7/11

Abandoned by her roommates, Margo is forced to bathroom on her own! That’s kind of an oddly drawn toilet brush; at first glance, I thought it might be some sort of archaic feathery masturbatory aid, but surely Margo is far too self-actualized to refer to self-pleasure as “dirty work.” Anyway, whether we’re talking cleaning the commode or rubbing one out, Margo doesn’t need to do it because Trey’s shown up. Have fun, Trey! Hope you don’t have to go to the bathroom, I hear it’s gross.

Mark Trail, 4/7/11

The Mark Trail drug-smuggling plot has ended rather anticlimactically, with Mark guiding his stolen plane to a nearby commercial airport, dropping off his escapee passengers, and he idle small talk with his government handler, who I assume had written him off for dead weeks ago. “Oh, hey,” he remarks casually, “there’s an island within a day’s boat-drift of U.S. soil where a narcotics kingpin rules with an iron fist and keeps people as slaves. You might want to look into that or whatever.”

I also look forward to the confused encounter between Lonnie and the Coast Guard that will result from Mark’s brush-off in panel two. “Your family? Uh … do they live near a coast?”

Dennis the Menace, 4/7/11

Ha ha, this is exactly the sort of thing that would normally send Mr. Wilson into a rage! But his pupils are invisible because his eyes are rolled back behind his drooping eyelids, indicating that he’s been in a dissociated state for hours. If Mrs. Wilson wants to call that “senility,” that’s fine, I guess; whatever keeps him out of her hair, amiright?

Post Content

Dennis the Menace, 3/7/11

Fart joke + slur on treasured American brand = Menace Level 4.7. Points off for the grin.

Mark Trail, 3/7/11

Mark realizes he will soon be shipwrecked with a boatload of arms smugglers! At that precise moment, a beloved animal friend appears as if to remind him that it’s turtles all the way down. That must have been some bump on the head.

Note to comic strip characters: whether you are a man or a woman, it is OK to be named Lonnie. Do not, however, stand next to anybody named Lonnie, whether on the street or at the altar.

Dick Tracy, 3/7/11

Ah, the deaths of Dick Tracy villains. Torched in a wind generator fire. Killed in a fall from the U.S. Capitol Rotunda. Brain wiped clean. Killed in a fall down a smokestack. Blown to bits. Crushed under a bulldozer. Dismembered by a pack of dogs. Immolated in a car fire. Pancaked by a falling antique warplane. And now, eaten alive by rats. Say it with me: Eaten. Alive. By. Rats.

Next Sunday, the Dick Tracy franchise will pass to a new creative team. So Mr. Brozman, thank you for the wonderful rats. And sincere congratulations on your retirement, Mr. Locher — for the five years this blog has followed you through thick and thin, you have never disappointed, not once.

Momma, 3/7/11

What passes for pride in the Mommaverse.

Luann, 3/7/11

Tiffany counts on her fingers how many minutes it will take her to “date” the rest of the football team.

— Uncle Lumpy

Post Content

Dennis the Menace, 3/2/11

No matter what your opinion of Dennis Mitchell’s ability to install fear via menacing, you have to admit that he’s generally speaking one of the comics’ less introspective characters. Thus, this little scene is actually kind of poignant. He’s too old to menace people Marvin-style by crapping in his drawers, and too young to slap on some Drakkar Noir and menace the ladies with his aggressive adolescent sexuality. So he just looks glumly at his half-eaten cookie. Is this all there is? Cookies? Man, this is no kind of life.

Mary Worth, 3/2/11

It’s come to my attention that some of you don’t know who Iris is. Iris is Wilbur’s girlfriend, so you may have “forgotten” about her in the sense that your brain, in a vain attempt to make the world make sense, refuses to store the words “Wilbur’s” and “girlfriend” next to each other. Anyway, it’s pretty rich that Iris is waxing about how she eventually learned she had to let li’l Tommy out of the nest, because, of course, this is the sort of decision Tommy made on his own:

The world famous Tommy the Tweaker storyline was the very first Mary Worth plot covered on this blog, and if you missed it it’s totally worth your while to start here and work your way forward. Long story short, I think we all know now that Dawn is building an illicit Twitter lab in her room, and we’re on a collision course with heartbreak and/or wackiness.

Wizard of Id, 3/2/11

Hey, remember yesterday, when the Wizard of Id made no sense but at least didn’t involve eating cockroaches? God, I long for that more innocent time.