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Blondie, 2/10/22

One thing that Blondie absolutely loves doing is to mine broadly appealing cultural events like “the Big Game” for laughs in the most generic way possible, without getting into specifics like what team Dagwood roots for or violating sacred NFL trademarks. Anyway, it’s really too bad that so much of the joke-space of today’s strip is dedicated to that sort of weaksauce bullshit, because I am frankly quite intrigued by the way Dagwood has clearly become extremely and erotically fixated on the forbidden chili in the final panel.

Gil Thorp, 2/10/22

Gil Thorp has somehow made its teen gambling plot, in which Pranit is using his brother’s sportsduke dot com account to accidentally become a bookie, boring, so the girl’s plot is going to have to veer into more traditional troubled youth territory. Are you telling me that some high school seniors at a party might’ve had a third of a can of hard seltzer apiece? Watch out, everybody, we got a new Euphoria on the funny pages today!

Dennis the Menace, 2/10/22

Honestly, you have to really admire that the Mitchells are so dedicated to high culture that they keep coming to this fancy restaurant with a black tie dress code even though Dennis ruins the experience so consistently that the wait staff knows their name. Dennis is never going to be snooty like you, Henry! It’s just not going to happen!

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Mother Goose and Grimm, 2/8/22

Do you think the various bird-women with glasses that Mother Goose talks to in Mother Goose and Grimm are all supposed to be the same character, or do subtle differences in hair color and beak shape indicate that they’re a mostly interchangeable but still distinct series of interlocutors? I ask because if this strip is taking place less than a week after the one where Mother Goose wistfully said she wished her boyfriend shared her desire for a big church wedding, it would be quite poignant, but if she’s talking to same woman her boyfriend wants to have sex with, it just got a lot darker.

Mary Worth, 2/8/22

Just like Mary Worth, the character, tries to browbeat all her friends into tolerating Wilbur despite the fact that he’s obviously a monster, Mary Worth, the comic strip, is trying to get us to accept his continued existence by showing that his assholery can serve as a prompt for exciting new non-Wilbur storylines. It’s honestly working on me a little, as today’s second panel absolutely perfectly captures Toby just as her carefully buttressed emotional superstructure shatters into a million pieces, hopefully presaging a truly hilarious downward spiral in the weeks to come.

Dennis the Menace, 2/8/22

The only way I can understand Dennis the Menace doing a “Dennis teaches Joey that it’s OK for a man to cry when he’s sad” panel is by assuming that King Features has an entire lab dedicated to making the least menacing Dennis the Menace panel possible under the laws of physics as we understand them.

Pluggers, 2/8/22

You know, a lot of people think I’m a little too hard on the plugger demographic on this blog, but even I couldn’t come up with anything as mean as the plugger-identified reader who contemplated the characteristics that make up the plugger identity and then submit an entry that boils down to “pluggers sure take a long time to shit!”

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Mary Worth, 2/7/22

OK, I’ve been agitating for a while for another Toby and/or Ian storyline, so I’m hoping that today’s strip heralds a transition to a glorious Toby and/or Ian storyline and isn’t just another opportunity for someone else to react to Wilbur by chuckling “Ha ha! That’s our Wilbur!”

Assuming this is, in fact, the end Wilbur Winter and the beginning of a Cameron Springtime, I feel like we’re laying some good groundwork with this sad little birthday party for Toby, which is taking place in the Camerons’ frankly cramped living room, where the spread consists entirely of a bottle of champagne and three muffins, with the only attendees being Mary and Wilbur. I guess Wilbur and Estelle haven’t made up enough for her to be his date to this shindig, eh? Or maybe she just never cared for Toby. Either way would make perfect sense, to be honest. Too bad Toby has literally no other friends to invite! Not even anyone from the downtown art center! Overall the whole party is clearly a disaster, and that’s going to take a lot of emotional unpacking for Toby, which I anticipate that Ian will be unwilling and frankly unable to help with.

Crankshaft, 2/7/22

True old-head Crankshaft readers remember that, years ago, there were a bunch of rowdy kids on Crankshaft’s bus who he called “the rough riders,” and one day he promised to pay for their college education if they would just shut up and leave him in peace, which they did, and which he mostly forgot about until they reminded him right before they graduated, so he cashed in his retirement savings to fulfill his vow, which I guess is why he’s still driving a bus for a living despite being a million years old. Anyway, Ed’s never been what you’d call a pious man, but in light of all that I suppose it shouldn’t be too surprising to see him beseeching whatever higher power may be to please let him have some paid time off of work, just for a day or two.

Hagar the Horrible, 2/7/22

I’ve always thought it was kind of odd that there aren’t any strongly defined recurring characters in Hagar’s warband other than Lucky Eddie, but it only occurs to me now that this is maybe because they all get killed on a regular basis and he has to find new people to replace them.

Dennis the Menace, 2/7/21

TIRED: Ha, that Dennis sure is a menace! Why won’t he leave poor Mr. Wilson in peace?
WIRED: DON’T 👏 TALK 👏 TO 👏 CHILDREN 👏 ABOUT 👏 YOUR 👏 BOWEL 👏 MOVEMENTS