Archive: Dick Tracy

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Dick Tracy, 3/7/20

Apologies for not keeping you up to date on this Shaky plotline, but long story short, Dick Tracy’s wife Tess is a PI now and she got some guy sent up the river and Shaky is blackmailing her because he says he has evidence that she falsely accused this dude. Tess knows this evidence is false, and has already talked to Dick about the whole situation, but nevertheless Shaky is extremely confident that he’s going to pull it off, even though he’s fairly obviously walking into a trap. This Shaky is a relative of the original, classic Shaky, so I guess the lesson here is to never trust failsons (or, in this case failcousinonceremoveds) just coasting on their family legacy to get the job done. Look at this dink! He can’t even do an animal metaphor right! Merging together two inscrutable animal metaphors doesn’t create one metaphor that makes sense, Shaky!

Mark Trail, 3/7/20

Aw, look at this mischievous little orphaned imp! I wonder what “trouble” he got up to that ended up with him being forced into doing nature stuff? Robbery? Assault? Con artistry? Hopefully Rusty can tell him what it’s like to have a dad: first you don’t have a dad, then you find some weirdo who lives out in a forest compound who vaguely feels like he should have a family but definitely doesn’t want to do sex stuff with his wife, then you live with him for a while, then you wait until a tree falls on him and you start calling him “dad” and he doesn’t actively stop you. Maybe Rusty can help you find a dad, Kevin! There’s plenty of big trees out here the two of you could drop on somebody!

Mary Worth, 3/7/20

While Dawn is out nerding it up with Jared, in Paris, Hugo is … spending time? With a woman? Like a whore? I mean, it looks like they’re in an “office” which means they’re “co-workers” and have to “spend time together” for their “jobs,” so I guess those sluts over in France just do things differently, but still: Hugo, you dog.

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Dennis the Menace, 2/12/20

Just to show you what it’s like to be me, a guy with a head full of random trivia, I read “homeowner’s rates” and thought Alice was using the British term for property taxes, which made me wonder if the Mitchells had relocated to the UK so that Dennis could take on his actually much more menacing rival. But a little Googling shows that sometimes people say “homeowner’s rates” when they mean “what I pay for homeowner’s insurance,” which sounds very strange to my ear but feel free to sound off in the comments if this is part of your everyday speech and you think that I, personally, am an idiot. The important thing here is that Dennis would not have any possible impact on the Mitchells’ property taxes, but could very well be the source of their skyrocketing insurance premiums, because he breaks so much stuff.

Dick Tracy, 2/12/20

Good news, everyone! Mysta escaped from Mr. Robot’s clutches and defeated him using her Lunarian powers, so now we’ve got a new story, about the origins of a bad guy called “Shakey,” because he shakes. Few things in recent comics history have made me laugh more than today’s Dick Tracy, in which the narration box says little Shakey “quickly learned the Golden Rule” and depicts him beating the shit out of other kids and stealing their money. There’s not even an attempt to make some kind of pun or wordplay on “Golden Rule!” “Here’s your Golden Rule, kids: just absolutely terrorizing people with violence is a great way to make a lot of cash.”

Mark Trail, 2/12/20

Ah, yes, it’s an all-too-common story: a sad, isolated person — say, an newly disabled man who isn’t sure who he is anymore — gets big on Twitter and gets a chance to reinvent himself — say, as a guy whose leg was eaten by a yeti. How often do we have to hear this tale before we learn its lessons? Anyway, Minga and Pemba are watching all this from afar, probably wondering if anybody is going to be able to pay them, now that the guy who hired them is dead.

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Hi and Lois, 1/28/20

True story: When I was a kid and my mom first got an answering machine, her mother did not know how to deal with it, and would leave messages like she was talking to a person who wasn’t us, e.g., “[long awkward pause, then speaking very slowly] Tell Carol that mother called.” Anyway, this is just to say that Lois clearly has a physical answering machine attached to a landline, not “voice mail,” and you can’t listen to the latter in real time, so I question when this strip was actually written, or at least when the joke was conceived. I also don’t think we’ve ever seen Lois’s mother appear in the strip, so maybe she’s running to the phone to turn down the volume, because she doesn’t want her kids to know they have grandparents.

Mark Trail, 1/28/20

So, uh, the Mark Trail art is continuing to shift and change even outside the context of Dr. Camel’s flashback? Not sure if this is meant to represent everyone slowly losing their mind due to oxygen deprivation or if new-ish artist James Allen is trying to put his own visual stamp on the strip rather than hewing to the models established by his predecessors, but the important thing is that Mark and Harvey are going to snipe at each other until they freeze to death.

Gil Thorp, 1/28/20

Finally, something interesting is happening in Gil Thorp: the bully clique is going to mess with the aspiring valedictorian by playing what I firmly expect to be a series of escalating fart noises during his oral report. I hope this goes on for weeks.

Dick Tracy, 1/28/20

Mister Roboto acts like he’s mad that he has to mansplain Styx’s concept album Kilroy Is Here to a sexy part-alien lady dressed as a robot who he’s tied to a chair, but let’s be clear: he’s very excited that he gets to mansplain Styx’s concept album Kilroy Is Here to a sexy part-alien lady dressed as a robot who he’s tied to a chair.