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Dick Tracy, 7/12/21

Oh, hey, remember when Dr. Ghost and Dr. Sail stole one of Diet Smith’s space coupes and Diet sent it careening off into deep space, and we all assumed the villains had suffocated, or maybe ate each other? Well, good (?) news: it seems they actually were crushed into pulp as they plunged ever deeper into Jupiter’s thick atmosphere, or — best case scenario, in terms of visuals — were blasted into pieces by some of the planet’s intense lightning storms.

Judge Parker, 7/12/21

Oh, hey, remember how Judge Parker Senior has spent the last several months moping around the house in a drunken fog? Well, good news! Now he’s in a much better mood, apparently because he’s traded in alcohol for some powerful stimulant.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/12/21

OH IS THAT HOW YOU REMEMBER IT, JUNE?

BECAUSE I REMEMBER WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A CHARITY BOOK TO BENEFIT THE ART MUSEUM TURNING INTO A BIG PAYDAY FOR YOUR FAMILY

GUESS WE’RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO AGREE TO DISAGREE ON THIS ONE

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Beetle Bailey, 5/29/21

I guess it was probably a colorist’s decision/error, but I am truly tickled by Beetle’s slice of pizza, which appears to be devoid of any toppings or even cheese, just a sad triangle of crust. Truly, Sarge’s insatiable gluttony is ruining everyone’s day at Mama Rosa’s. The saddest thing is Beetle’s big smile: unlike the dude at the next table, he at least gets a little starch for dinner, and he’s grateful for it.

Dick Tracy, 5/29/21

Speaking of sad, Dick Tracy, a comic strip that once depicted a maniac in a gimp suit being eaten alive by rats, can now no longer bring itself to print the word “damn.” Sad!

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Dick Tracy, 5/25/21

Wow, who could’ve possibly predicted that taking a protectee who already faced one assassination to the theater would’ve been a bad idea? Turns out this dress rehearsal wasn’t anywhere near as closed to the public as promised, so you better believe that our lovable pair of goth murderers are here to finish the job on ol’ Charlie. Anyway, I’m featuring today’s strip mostly to ask the very serious question of what in God’s name is going on with the mysterious figure in panel three. Is this yet another villain with a bizarrely specific costume shtick, wondering who’s here to horn in on his theater crime business? Or is this production of The Tempest just particularly avant-garde?

The Lockhorns, 5/25/21

Though I am by chosen profession a Comics Curmudgeon, and though I poke fun at The Lockhorns as much as anyone, my fundamental position on this comic from the beginning has been that I unironically like it. Today is a great example of its purity of essence. Leroy writhes in pain, having failed at a mundane household task, and Loretta looks at him, saying something cutting and genuinely funny, with absolutely dead eyes. It’s perfect. No notes.

Dennis the Menace, 5/25/21

It is absolutely in character and yet still absolutely infuriating that Henry has suited up for his macho weekend chores by putting what I’d bet money is a brand-new baseball hat and tool belt over the immaculately pressed dweeb-ass work clothes he wears most of the time. And I know some of you are going to say, “No, Josh, you don’t get it, he’s not planning on doing any chores, this is sex thing,” and if that’s the case he honestly ought to be more embarrassed about how he’s dressed.