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Archive: Dick Tracy

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Sincerely hope everyone else who got an invite got there, muttered “the hell is this?”, then left

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Dick Tracy, 2/23/22

Kind of weird that Dick Tracy, the man who had a portable voice communications device decades before the rest of us had cell phones, apparently has a … pager? In the year of our lord 2022? Seems implausible, to me. Probably more likely that he’s just desperately trying to get away from Sam as Sam tries to ratiocinate his way to the solution that Dick is going to get by doing some light enhanced interrogation on an informant or two next week. “I’d love to really get into your thought process, Sam, but I’m [tries and fails to come up with a plausible-sounding excuse] getting a page from [tries and fails to come up with a normal-sound name] Riger.”

Crankshaft, 2/23/22

Look, I am a huge history dork, OK? Last fall one of the high points of my trip to New York was going to a tiny train museum in the Catskills where I bought this sign and was sincerely disappointed that we had dinner reservations and couldn’t stay for the talk they were giving about … I don’t remember now, but it was definitely train related. But even I would be very upset if I got a mysterious invite that made it seem like I’m about to learn that my great-aunt was going to leave her entire fortune to anyone brave enough to spend the night in a haunted house, but I show up and it turns out it’s just at the local Historical Society. This is going to turn out to be some NIMBY bullshit where Crankshaft And The Gang Stop Evil Developers From Tearing Down An Old But Disused Silent Movie Theater or something and I’m going to wish they had ended up saving journalism instead.

Funky Winkerbean, 2/23/22

Funky Winkerbean has taken a break from its a plot about how the Oscar nominations work that was marred by a number of errors of fact and chronology, and is now doing a riff about how everyone in Hollywood has an eating disorder, which I have to admit is pretty on point.

Mary Worth, 2/23/22

Oh, sorry, it looks like Cal isn’t going to bring his smoldering youthful libido into Toby’s staid life and reawaken her sexual self, which she thought died years ago in Ian’s bed. No, he’s going to want her to be his substitute mom, but like a cool mom, who doesn’t yell at him when he gets high with his bros and does getting-high-adjacent stuff like playing frisbee or watching Netflix but instead tells him he’s “feeding his creativity.” He will still expect her to sleep with him, though.

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Somewhat murderous Saturday

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Dennis the Menace, 2/12/22

This is in reality an extremely egregious example of working backwards from a punchline to a joke, without putting much effort in trying to figure out how to make the backstory work logically, but damn it, now I’m trying to figure out the backstory behind a guy receiving an epiphany from the Lord above at a church and then switching to another church. I’m imagining the heavens opening and a divine voice informing Mr. Wilson that his current denomination, the General Six-Principle Baptists, were heretics, as were the General Association of Baptists, the General Association of General Baptists, and the General Association of Regular Baptist Churches, and only the General Conference of the Evangelical Baptist Church carried the true faith.

Mark Trail, 2/12/22

You know, I remember a time when Rusty would be over the moon just to be allowed to go on a trip with Mark and Cherry, and would certainly not plan on killing a cryptid for social media fame without their permission. I guess it’s true that the only way to raise a respectful ward son is to keep him in a “Rusty coop” out back 350 days a year. Parents these days are going soft, and it’s the source of nothing but trouble!

Pluggers, 2/12/22

I think a lot about a story a friend once told me about a Bay Area Vietnamese restaurant that was famous for serving fake but very convincing meat in its dishes. Once my friend was eating there and a guy came in and started berating the owner, who always was out and about serving as host, about how even though they weren’t serving meat they were still promoting meat culture, which is a culture of death. The owner listened to his whole diatribe stone-faced and finally just replied, “Look, we’re Buddhists, we like pork but we can’t eat it.” Anyway, after seeing this panel, I’m going to spend my weekend working on “horseshoe theory, but for pluggers.”

Dick Tracy, 2/12/22

This doesn’t actually have anything to do with the Moran case directly; Dick just knows that the best way to loosen up and get his head “into the zone” as we go into the weekend is to hunt a PR guy for sport.

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Plus does Wilbur even have a “soul,” honestly

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Mary Worth, 1/24/22

It’s definitely an interesting choice to show Wilbur’s loved ones sobbing over his death after we’ve already been shown that he’s not only very much alive but is almost certainly at this exact moment enjoying another round of yummy margaritas on a private resort island somewhere. This pushes this whole scene out of the realm of heartfelt drama into that of farcical melodrama, which frankly is a more comfortable mode to engage with Mary Worth in, for me anyway. Speaking of melodrama, you have to respect that Mary knows better than to blurt “the sea has probably claimed him” out loud, not so much because of the fatalism but because it’s extremely overwrought.

Dick Tracy, 1/24/22

Wow, I guess, the Neo-Chicago police force is “woke” now, giving officers who have been involved in an officer-involved immolation paid time off to be “in their feelings” and experience “trauma-informed self care” or whatever the kids say these days. Still, it’s nice to see that Dick has a little time to pursue some his hobbies, like eating hamburgers semi-shirtless and wandering around the woods looking for goo that used to be some guy who blew up.

Gil Thorp, 1/24/22

A guy I knew who ran a winery told me that, during Prohibition, some vineyards survived by mailing people grape juice and various other wine-making ingredients along with a note that said “Whatever you do, do not follow these very detailed instructions that we’re about to give to you, because if you do you’ll have made wine and that would be illegal.” I’ve been thinking about that a lot during this Gil Thorp teen gambling plot, where the theoretical teens who are the audience for this strip are simultaneously being set up for a heavy-handed plot where a gambling teen suffers for his gambling ways but also being educated in the mechanics of all the fun and exciting bets they can place on online betting apps that are free and easy to download!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/24/22

Ironically, this page from Sarah’s diary would become the key exhibit in the plagarism lawsuit filed against her father by the heirs of E.C. Segar.