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Gil Thorp, 8/23/21

Say what you will about Gil Thorp, and I’ve said a lot, but at least it has a certain level of realism that other strips lack, in the sense that it’s about a high school sports program and the teams have mediocre seasons more often than not, like most high school teams do. This realism even extends to its characters’ everyday non-sports lives! Did you know that proving your mettle with some cool detective work isn’t going to secure you a journalism career? It really isn’t! Sorry, Heather! I guess you’ll be breaking the glass ceiling and becoming the first woman to get an unpaid “job” coaching high school football in Milford, I’m sure that will open up all sorts of opportunities for you.

Dick Tracy, 8/23/21

One of my favorite sci-fi short stories is Isaac Asimov’s “The Dead Past,” about a near-future society where technology that can view the past has been invented but its nature is kept secret and its use is heavily restricted by the government, and a group of heroic historians and scientists manage to reinvent it and publish the plans worldwide, only to realize too late that a machine that can see 1,000 years into the past can also see 30 seconds into the past and they’ve just eliminated privacy for everyone, everywhere, forever. Dick is going to be thrilled to hear about this invention, in other words.

Rex Mogan, M.D., 8/23/21

“Plus, uh, remember all that stolen valor I did? Probably for the best not to invite those guys, is what I’m saying. I’m all about the future, not the past!”

Curtis, 8/23/21

You can put your dad’s face on your social media accounts, Curtis, but his butt? That’s reserved for paying subscribers to big_ass_greg’s OnlyFans account.

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Funky Winkerbean, 8/2/21

“Hey,” you almost certainly are not thinking, “Wasn’t Mason trying to make a Lisa’s Story movie the right way, and they had gotten into filming but then there was a fire that burned huge swaths of Los Angeles to the ground? Whatever happened with that? Did they cancel the production because it’s so obviously cursed?” Sadly, they apparently continued to spit in the face of the gods and are determined to see this thing out to the end, and now they’re having a big-time Hollywood “wrap party”! Cayla has once again proved herself an unworthy partner to Les because the prospect of going to a fun, elite event is filling her with excitement, instead of the crushing ennui that is the only acceptable emotion to experience about anything in the Funkyverse.

Dick Tracy, 8/2/21

Look, actually making comics might not be very lucrative, but making them into games or collecting them is another story. I’m beginning to think this Dick Tracy storyline is a plea to comics creators to grasp the importance of ancillary revenue streams before it’s too late.

Mary Worth, 8/2/21

I know we’re supposed to think that Drew is thinking of his ex while trying and failing to concentrate on some poor doomed patient’s chart, but I for one very much hope that he’s walking around with a clipboard holding an 8 1/2 by 11 headshot of Ashlee — exactly the image in his thought balloon — and nothing else.

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Dick Tracy, 7/27/21

Look, I have no insider knowledge and I’m not saying that the Dick Tracy creative team is in the midst of a contract dispute with their syndicate, but I am saying that if they were, claiming that “I don’t need the comics pages, I could get into the lucrative game design business” wouldn’t be the worst negotiate tactic! It would work a lot better if they actually owned the rights to Dick Tracy so they could turn it into a game, though.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/27/21

Say, have you somehow, against all odds, gotten emotionally invested in the character of Kyle Vidpa/Jake Rowling? Well, if so, the fact that he appears to be on the verge of fatherhood is probably making you feel … something? This is making you feel something, right? Sound off in the comments to let us know that that might be, exactly!

Mother Goose and Grimm, 7/27/21

We all, of course, are familiar with Grimm, one of the beloved title characters in Mother Goose and Grimm. Today’s installment of that strip poses the question: what if Grimm died, and was condemned to eternal torture in Hell, forever outside of God’s grace? That’s a real knee-slapper, if you think about it!

Pluggers, 7/27/21

AWWW YEAH IT’S THE PLUGGERS WET T-SHIRT PANEL YOU ALL ASKED FOR

WAIT, WHAT’S THAT? YOU DIDN’T ASK FOR THIS? YOU NEVER COULD’VE EVEN CONCEIVED OF ASKING FOR THIS?

HUH! LOOKS LIKE WE’RE ALL BEING TORTURED FOREVER OUTSIDE OF GOD’S GRACE, I GUESS