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Blondie, 11/12/23

You ever notice how most of the women in Blondie have pretty normal-looking eyes but most of them men have these inky black stretched out ovals that take up half the height of their skulls? Honestly, despite years of reading this strip, I really hadn’t, until they decided to do a whole Sunday strip where the premise is that Dagwood just had his pupils dilated at optometrist, and now it’s all I can think about — which, honestly, is more appealing to dwell on than “ho ho, Dagwood would certainly be horny, if he could see better,” so I’m not complaining.

Mary Worth, 11/12/23

Having been fortified by a Mary Worth pep talk, Keith has dug deep into his Marine training and is going to fight for a decent, meaningful relationship with Kitty and then his daughter, no matter how fraught these conversations get or how hard he has to tr– oh, wait, what’s this, he got halfway through his apology and then Kitty was like “Oh, sorry I was so mean, let’s have a decent, meaningful relationship going forward. My treat! We’ll have lunch and I’ll explain how you can make friends with our daughter. Don’t worry, it won’t be difficult.” Problem solved, everyone! Problem sovled.

Six Chix, 11/12/23

Actually, Tom, I think what they’d say is that it’s been thousands of years since the civilization of their Builders passed away and not once since have they been bedewed with sacrificial blood. They’re thirsty! So thirsty! They’re an ancient megalithic monument, so they definitely don’t know what TripAdvisor is, but they know what human blood tastes like and they miss it terribly.

Dustin, 11/12/23

I’m kind of burned out on raging against Dustin but I do want to point out that Dustin’s parents — or, I guess more accurately, the people who write the strip from Dustin’s parents’ point of view — think getting Doordash/Grubhub delivery involves calling somebody. Jokes on you, dummies! Kids today are even less motivated than you think!

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Dustin, 11/8/23

There’s a lot of reasons to dislike Dustin, and one of the biggest is that it was cooked up with the premise of “Ha ha, these lazy millennials are moving back in with their parents because they’re slackers who refuse to get a job” and then was launched in newspapers in January of 2010, when the Great Recession was at its peak and unemployment stood at more than 10%. Anyway, the family dynamic has remained constant over the subsequent decade plus of economic change, and so today, with some the strongest employment numbers in living memory, we can maybe start hating Dustin for his own personal shortcomings rather than as a symbol of his generation; but I think we also might need to consider that in the world of Dustin, it has never stopped being 2010. Certainly it would explain why someone in their early 20s might talk about “the Brad Pitt look” as if that were a novel and contemporary cultural reference, although I guess it would make even more sense if the strip were actually taking place in 1997.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 11/8/23

At least in the context of the Barney Google and Snuffy Smith Present … Sparkplug’s Grandson Li’l Sparky strips, horses in the Snuffyverse are capable of human speech. But still, it makes me very sad that they apparently need to exchange money for goods and services. They’re domesticated animals! Shouldn’t they just get a nice feed bag in their paddock to meet their needs?

Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/8/23

“It doesn’t have anything to do with health, so it’s not my problem! Some people say that there’s a ‘mental’ kind of health, but I’m not buying it.”

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Dustin, 10/21/23

Dustin is, of course, a comic explicitly created to explore the irreconciliable differences between young people and old people and the resulting struggle between the generations. But it’s also a comic the irreconciliable differences between men and women. For instance, did you know that men love to swear, but women are deathly offended by it? It’s true! Look at that guy across the street in the third panel. Look at how happy he looks! “Finally,” he’s thinking, “some swearing around here!” His wife, on the other hand, is concerned that this public profanity is going to lower her property values.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 10/21/23

Look, I like to think I’m an open minded guy. I don’t want to “yuck” anybody else’s “yum.” I understand — nay, even celebrate — the fact that there are honest, upstanding citizens out there who can only get off sexually by looking at weird misshapen cartoon hillbillies reenacting the Pietà, with some kind of infantilizing thing involving one of the parties giving the other medicine thrown in for good measure. I just think that’s the sort of thing you should have to pay for with cryptocurrency on the dark web, rather than seeing it in newspapers everywhere. If that makes me “sex negative,” then so be it.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/21/23

I was going to make fun of the idea that a minor local (?) grifter quietly and peacefully turning himself into the police would make the local news, when the local news could be covering literally anything else, but then I remembered that Mud is obliquely related to this story, and this is a universe where anything even vaguely related to roots country music sends people into utter hysterics. This is gonna be the top story at 6 and 11! They’ll be playing “Muddy Boots” and “Glenwood Motel” leading into every commercial break! This is huge news!