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Dennis the Menace, 3/12/15

“With him, you never know! I mean, he’d smash a potato, probably! That’s pretty menacing! And why is he eating an actual meal here, instead of just mooching off our cookies or whatever? What’s happening? What time of day is it? Who am I? What’s going on?”

Family Circus, 3/12/15

“You don’t understand,” Mommy Keane told the stern representatives of Child Protective Services. “They said they were grown up! They said they were ready to leave the house. It would’ve been bad parenting to not change the locks!”

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Apartment 3-G, 3/10/15

Oh, snap, remember Sam, Margo’s harried and possibly love-struck assistant, whom she summoned out of the narrative ether nearly eight years after his last appearance to cater to her mother’s every insane whim? Well, turns out he’s treating that more as a personal favor and not as part of his no doubt ill-paying job. Frankly, it makes Margo sick, violently ill, hopefully with emphasis on the violent.

Family Circus, 3/10/15

Billy’s pig-nose is making the front of his big melony head look even more flat and squished than usual! I certainly hope that the weight of his backpack caused him to pitch face-first onto the sidewalk, where he lay for several minutes, struggling to right himself.

Crankshaft, 3/10/15

Ha ha, it’s funny because when a woman wants to spend time with a man instead of leaving him to stew in isolation and aimless, thrashing loathing, it’s a trap!

Herb and Jamaal, 3/10/15

This last panel is really great: it’s perfectly capturing the facial expression for “Wait, is he having a stroke or am I?”

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Slylock Fox, 3/9/15

It’s clear that the sapient animals of Slylock Fox used the ruined detritus of our civilization as the building blocks for theirs — why else would that owl judge be wearing a black robe, or that bird juror a necktie? But clearly the cultural material they drew from had gaps. For instance, despite today’s near omnipresence of the Law and Order franchise, apparently not a single episode survived for the entertainment of the triumphant beasts, because otherwise they’d know that the law enforcement apparatus consists of two separate yet equally important groups: the police, who investigate crime; and the district attorneys, who prosecute the offenders. Instead, they have Slylock fulfilling both these roles, and additionally providing entertainment to courtrooms when cases are so open-and-shut as to be boring. Even Shady Shrew is enjoying the performance. “Heh heh, it’s the sun! They’re never going to guess it! Oh, soon I’ll be back in prison, where my freedom of action is restricted but life has an order and structure I’ve never been able to create for myself on the outside. I guess that’s probably why I stole that lady’s bike off her porch in broad daylight.” Anyway, once Slylock’s done here, he’ll head over to a lawsuit involving a doctor whose husband was killed and son terribly injured in a car crash.

Mark Trail, 3/9/15

Ooh, is this Mark Trail storyline going to be about the importance of a work ethic and self-reliance? “Our young beaver knows that support a family, he’ll need to industriously build a dam, using nothing but his teeth, paws, and gumption. Meanwhile, Littlefoot grows fat on the Trail family’s handouts and refuses to even do basic foraging for himself.”

Momma, 3/9/15

Ha ha, it’s funny because Momma’s emotional world is so twisted that her idea of a happy home is one in which her children have gathered together so she can make them all feel bad about themselves! Also, hashtags are … a thing that exists, I guess?

Family Circus, 3/9/15

NO, LADY, DON’T LET HIM TAKE OFF THIS MITTENS AND TOUCH YOU WITH HIS GROSS CLAMMY GERMY SKIN, IT’S A TRAAAAAAP