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Family Circus, 9/7/11

I have to admit that I’m delighted at the look of unalloyed maniac joy on Dolly’s face in this panel. It’s fun to imagine her methodically pulling these tissues out of the box, one by one, faster and faster, shouting the latest count out at the top of her lungs. This is the sort of behavior normally associated with the abuse of amphetamine-based stimulants, but I’m sure the Keane parents are far too protective to allow anything like that in the house, so we have to assume that something is just terribly wrong with poor Dolly’s brain chemistry.

Mary Worth, 9/7/11

In case you were wondering, Mary has hit the full-on platituding stage of her latest meddle. “Where there is love, there can be no fear! Only crushing, suicidal disappointment when you discover that your childhood love has moved on with someone else. What have you got to lose, except for all of your treasured hopes and dreams?”

Pluggers, 9/7/11

Wait a minute … pluggers would never eat fancy elitist foreign food from un-American places like “Belgium” or “Denver.” FALSE PLUGGERS! UNCLEAN!

Spider-Man, 9/7/11

“Really, I’m kind of out of it … I’m not sure where I am or what I’m doing … but I’m going to be an aggressive dick about it!” THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN, EVERYBODY!

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Judge Parker, 9/4/11

Oh, hey, have the mega-rich of Judge Parker stumbled into yet another opportunity to maximize their already unspeakably hegemonic spending power? Sure looks that way! I look forward to a solid week of this oddly bearded man simpering and groveling, hoping that the sudden appearance of some wealthy people who want to buy a stupid RV on a whim will keep the business solvent and his health care benefits in place for another few days.

Family Circus, 9/4/11

Wow, Billy sure is looking ludicrously smug as he thinks fun thoughts about the summer just passed. You’d think that he’d be sad about the coming school year, but perhaps he’s looking forward to regaling his unwilling classmates with smug tales about how much better his summer was than theirs.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 9/4/11

Miss Prunelly is in such an ecstasy over the gift offerings she’s receiving from a long line of worshipful students that she isn’t even bothering to correct their nonstandard use of “brung.” It’s sad, really.

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Gil Thorp, 9/1/11

“I’m Wildcat Maris — no relation to an actual wildcat, though we are both mammals. Nevertheless, despite what my quick reflexes and lustrous coat would lead you to believe, I’m actually a human being, just like you! Only better.”

Gasoline Alley, 9/1/11

“Plus, if you believe in a literal interpretation of Genesis, all human beings are descended from Noah, since only he and his immediate family survived the Deluge! Hey, what’s the matter? Are my irritating conversational stylings making you wish that God would destroy all life with a world-cleansing flood?”

Family Circus, 9/1/11

“Gah, Billy accidentally came into contact with science! Quick, lock him in the isolation chamber until we can figure out how to disable the picture-radio!”