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Funky Winkerbean, 9/18/20

Wow, if the Funkyverse gang thinks that Bill Clinton has the influence to convince the current U.S. government to think twice about deporting someone, I have some extremely bad news for them. Not only is this not going to work, but Montoni’s is probably going to displace Comet Ping Pong at the center of fevered #pizzagate conspiracy theorizing on various unsettling Facebook groups.

Marvin, 9/18/20

Normally I complain about Marvin doing poop jokes, but today’s Marvin is about how these two fish are stuck in this bowl together and one of them wants to be friends and the other one very much does not. It’s depressing and I hate it! At least the poop jokes don’t make me actively sad!

Family Circus, 9/18/20

What’s your favorite image in today’s Family Circus? I’m a fan of Daddy’s football fantasy, a key part of which is the pile of crockery on the table next to him. He’s enjoying a beer now, but we can tell he’s already had some coffee and at least two meals and he’s still not getting out of that chair. My second favorite is the scene of Daddy keeping his kids entertained by reading what appears to be a menu.

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The Lockhorns, 9/25/20

What with his suburban lifestyle, his commute by rail, and his Jets and Mets fandom, Leroy has always clearly been a creature of Long Island. However, given that the Mets last won a World Series 34 years ago and yet Leroy looks not a day older today than he does in that photo, we must come to the terrifying conclusion that he’s a creature of another kind — namely, one that drains the life force of others in order to gain eternal youth. Perhaps the source of his energy is the hapless Mets themselves, which Leroy doesn’t even realize, which means that he can only continue to walk the earth as long as their on-field failure continues? This seems fully in line with his general cursed air.

Family Circus, 9/25/20

Jeffy, it’s not a question of how old you have to be as much as one of how smart you have to be. So, uh, good luck with that!

Mary Worth, 9/25/20

“Why sales? Have you done it before?”

“Uh…”

[SMASH CUT TO: TOMMY’S THOUGHT BALLOON]

Mary Worth, 10/5-12/04

“…no, not, uh, not really.”

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Family Circus, 8/28/20

My favorite facial expression in this whole crowd is definitely Barfy’s. “I’m sorry, what? You thought that was fun? Do you know that my ancestors gave up autonomy and life in the wild and hitched our stars to you clowns so we could live inside, where it’s warm and soft and there aren’t any ticks? If I wanted to be a wolf I’d still be a fucking wolf. What’s the matter with you?”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/28/20

Well, there have been a lot of boring plots in Rex Morgan, M.D., lately but at least this time around we’ve got a fun villain and good timely plot so I for one am excited to watch the drama unf–oh. Oh, I see, the cops have caught up with him already. Welp, that’s it for this one folks, tune in next week when [spins wheel] Buck befriends a down-on-his-luck [spins wheel again] classic car restoration expert and helps him set up a website.