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The Lockhorns, 3/20/19

Oh, I guess it’s “Josh wants more backstory from The Lockhorns” week because I definitely want more backstory on what Leroy is talking about here? Because he doesn’t seem thoughtful or obsessed with analysis enough to actually be drawn to academic philosophy, nor does he seem like a guy who would’ve had a t-shirt-worthy “philosophy” like “PARTY TILL YOU PUKE” or whatever in college. Sure, both those behaviors could mask being dead inside, and maybe the point is that now, as a mature adult, Leroy feels like he doesn’t have to hide it anymore.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/20/19

“Oh, brother. I mean, it’s seems true with I think it, but when this guy says it out loud, it makes it all sound awfully petty, you know?”

Family Circus, 3/20/19

“Because they’re drunk all the time! That’s why you say we never visit Mommy’s family, right?”

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Family Circus, 3/11/19

Look, I long ago gave up on trying to figure out how exactly the process operates behind the scenes of long-running legacy comic strips, so I’m not sure why we got two Family Circus panels in the last three years with different art but essentially the same joke. Is this just a case of someone unconsciously coming up with the same joke twice and then redrawing a Dolly-praying-before-bed panel, or, perhaps more likely, pulling out a different entry from the presumably fairly sizable collection of Dolly-praying-before-bed panels? Or are the two panels meant to be companion pieces? Back in 2016, Dolly said the pledge because she couldn’t think of any “new” prayers. Today, she couldn’t even remember the Lord’s Prayer, perhaps the most important in the Christian canon, because all the space in her mind dedicated to devotional rituals is now occupied by nationalistic display. Truly, the Keane Kompound is under seige!

Dick Tracy, 3/11/19

The joke here is that Joe Sampson, the detective who came to town last week with lurid tales of gym teach murder, is Dick’s daughter Bonnie’s ex. But if you didn’t know that, you might think that Dick is just furious that Bonnie isn’t hanging on his every word. “Bonnie? How dare you be distracted, a man is talking.”

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 3/11/19

Hootin’ Holler is grindingly poor, with an economy revolving around subsistence farming, moonshining, and chicken theft, and it’s an open question as to how the various outsiders who come into town to serve professional roles eke out a living. Parson Tuttle makes it work with relentless and unapologetic grifting, but Doc Pritchart has it easier: his practice is just a front for nonstop Medicaid fraud.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/11/19

“That would mean someone might want to spend enough time with me to have a sexual relationship some day, and, really: have you gotten a handle on my personality over the past few hours? I don’t think that’s in the cards.”

Slylock Fox, 3/11/19

“Ha ha, it’s a baby! A baby was born on board! Pretty wild, huh? Now everyone calm down and let’s figure out which one of us has to drown. Should it be the baby?”

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Judge Parker, 2/24/19

Oh, hey, Judge Parker! Here’s what’s been going in Judge Parker: the police of the tropical island paradise where Marie was enjoying her honeymoon with Roy were only suggesting that she had killed him in order to flush him out of hiding, because it turned out he had embezzled a bunch of money from his employer and faked his death and now was on an entirely different resort island several thousand miles away. Obviously Marie is very broken up about this, which is why it’s extremely kind of Sam to let her fly back to the States in business class with him, right before she has to go back to cleaning his underwear and cooking him dinners that he’ll briefly acknowledge with a grunt before eating in stony silence.

Family Circus, 2/24/19

Oh, isn’t that cute! This hill is haunted by the ghosts of all the other children who died sledding down its steep, dangerous slopes! Look at Big Daddy Keane’s little smile: he knows.