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Momma, 11/23/14

A genuinely disturbing scene: despite the large sign letting visitors know that this is a farm where LIVE TURKEYS are raised, Momma, declining rapidly into dementia, is unable to identify these common barnyard animals by sight. Instead of gently helping his mother out, Thomas, no doubt to get a measure of revenge for decades of controlling behavior and barely veiled contempt for his wife, gives her some weird, wordy, obtuse description. Fortunately, these angry free-range birds have dimly perceived that their honor has been slighted and will now be rising up and destroying all humanity, presumably starting with the representatives nearest to hand.

Funky Winkerbean, 11/23/14

This is a nice coda to the story of Bull’s failure to get that college coaching job: we get a reminder that everyone wants to get the hell out of this cursèd town, but nobody can quite figure out how to do it.

Mary Worth, 11/23/14

I was going to make some joke about Mary Worth finding its true level by rejecting quotes from highbrow French philosophers and just going with Nicholas Sparks, but then I visualized Hanna enjoying a little post-coital flute-playing in Sean’s room only to be shushed by some busybody Somerset employee and my mind literally exploded with happiness.

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Blondie, 11/22/14

I’ve been doing yoga for years now, and I’ve come to accept that I’ve just got really tight hamstrings — I’m never really going to be able to touch my toes without bending my knees. Dagwood, however, is in another class altogether, with his knees constantly bent, even when he’s apparently relaxing as in panel one. I always cringe when I see him lying on the too-short couch, forcing him to hook his ankles around the armrest, but now it breaks my heart to know that he considers this pose to be “stretching.”

Funky Winkerbean, 11/22/14

Were you worried that Bull’s failure to get that big new job would put a damper on his love life? Don’t worry: he and his wife are going to have sadness-sex, the Funkyverse’s most common form of erotic congress.

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Heathcliff, 11/21/14

So Heathcliff being depicted as hanging in the mid-air, on the verge of descending onto some hapless soul with claws unsheathed, is a thing in Heathcliff that happens semi-regularly! This is the first time Heathcliff’s owner-grandma and owner-boy have gotten in on the action, though. Ha ha, it’s funny because Heathcliff’s owner-grandpa has money, and his family is going to tear his flesh from his bones in order to get it!

Funky Winkerbean, 11/21/14

Haha, remember when Bull got offered a job as a college coach and was so rapturously happy that he and his wife threatened to spend the week fucking? Well, instead they spent the week gloating about how much more money he was going to make, but now the job has been cruelly yanked away from him. This is why I think Funky Winkerbean is pretty savvy about its sadness-brand: when you make all your characters intensely unlikable, your readers don’t really mind knowing that only bad things will ever happen to them!

Dennis the Menace, 11/21/14

So … we’re not going to talk about the fact that Margaret is just wandering the streets dressed up as an angel? It’s not Christmas pageant season or anything. She’s obviously experiencing some kind of psychotic break, and all Dennis can do is make a joke about being a “bad boy.” I dub this whole scene pretty menacing in its callous neglect of her mental health.