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Beetle Bailey, 5/13/20

Literally every single one of Beetle Bailey’s running bits has been repeatedly done to death over the strip’s decades in print, with all possible variations mined for even trace amounts of humor, so I guess it shouldn’t come as a surprise that today’s edition of “Let’s crap on Lt. Fuzz” focuses on the fact that he gets more information via sound than smell. What a nerd, amiright?

Funky Winkerbean, 5/13/20

Look, Les, I do have a certain amount sympathy with … well, not with you, per se, but with anyone who finds themselves in the position of needing to perform some version of their genuine grief for professional reasons. But I guess you should’ve seen that coming when you decided to build your entire creative career and indeed your entire personality on the foundation of “I lost my young wife to cancer.” Now dance for the nice lady, Les! Dance! Weep real emotionally genuine tears if you want that sweet, sweet Hollywood cash!

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Gasoline Alley, 5/11/20

A problem with any kind of narrative is distinguishing between the things individual characters know and ways they interact with each other on the one hand, and ways the creator of the narrative intends to interact with their audience on the other. What I’m trying to say is that it would be very likely in-universe that this shambolic event would eventually devolve into a speaker telling the audience specifically to Google some 36-year-old Don Henley lyrics, rather than, say, actually listening to the song on Spotify or something, but it’s just as likely that Gasoline Alley sincerely intends this to be a helpful suggestion for the comic’s audience itself. Anyway, check out this long-haired young fella’s thoughts on the farming crisis, he’s got some good ideas!

Funky Winkerbean, 5/11/20

Wow, Les, act like you’ve been here before, will ya? Because you have. During your last ill-fated trip to LA to try to turn Lisa’s Story into something people might actually enjoy, the studio actually put you up at the Chateau Marmont, so you’d think you would gotten all that actress-leering out of your system! Anyway, I certainly hope that ‘Pink Entertainment’ is the newly founded studio arm of the Susan B. Komen Foundation, set up solely to create entertainment products that raise awareness of breast cancer, because that will make it all the sweeter when they reject Les’s little graphic novel as unfilmable schlock.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/10/20

Hey, everyone! Were you worried that Buck was going to be inconvenienced, even briefly, by Truck’s illness? Well, good news: he won’t be! Also, it’s very sporting of you to pretend that you actually were worried about Buck. I know for a fact that nobody is worried about Buck. Anyway, a good way to enjoy your Sunday is to imagine that Buck is saying “Autographs. Always with the autographs” the same way Martin Sheen says “Saigon. Shit, I’m still only in Saigon” in the opening scene of Apocalypse Now.

Funky Winkerbean, 5/10/20

There are a lot of Mother’s Day comics out there today that depict moms getting appreciated by their kids and partners, but that frankly isn’t the thing that satisfies my twisted reasons for reading the funny pages, so here, here’s a strip where Les calls his wife and just monologues for five panels about how everything sucks.

Dennis the Menace, 5/10/20

Ha ha, it’s funny because Dennis was going to kill his best friend, but now he’s just going to kill his dog!