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Curtis, 5/16/19

Thanks to the operation of comic book time, as the years go by I relate more and more to Greg Wilkins as a peer, and for people Greg and my age, “the turn of the century” will always mean the late 1800s or early 1900s. But guess what! Curtis, who’s in his middle school years, was, as of today, born sometime in the later part of the first decade of the 21st century, so for him “the turn of the century” probably means, like, the 1990s. And he’s still not interested in it! Because it was before he was born, and is dead history to him! There are millions of real kids out there with this wholly normal attitude, just in case you personally wanted to dwell on that and feel the icy cold of death settling in your bones.

Gasoline Alley, 5/16/19

But if you want to feel young, on the other hand, just check in with Gasoline Alley, which isn’t afraid to repeatedly interject 1950s character actor Frank Nelson into its trademark “the characters tell jokes that are incomprehensible both to the audience and to the other characters” antics.

Hi and Lois, 5/16/19

Oh snap

Motherfuckin ouch for moths

Moths are cancelled, everybody

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Dick Tracy, 4/21/19

Were you hoping we were going to find out what made “The Professor” tick? Did you think that there must be an interesting story behind an apparently successful sports columnist whose sense of professional pride led him to kill a series of gym teachers? Were you intrigued to learn more about the whole psychological deal that led him to obsess over his nickname? Well, too bad, because Dick pretty much figured out who he was right away and then gunned him down in an alley. I guess “The Professor” should’ve gotten his Ph.D. in marksmanship, so he could have at least winged Dick on the way out, or maybe in English, so that he didn’t embarrass himself by wildly misusing the word “ironic” as he expired.

Pluggers, 4/21/19

Wait, is this the first instance in history of pluggers being depicted as snobs? There are of course no channels on which programming is introduced by random drunk dudes wearing sweaty tank tops, but if there were, they would be immensely popular, and rightfully so.

Gasoline Alley, 4/21/19

Today’s Gasoline Alley is a cruel bait and switch because it allowed us to believe right up to the final panel that Rufus, one of the most irritating characters in an irritating strip, was dead.

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Dick Tracy, 2/1/19

Obviously Dick Tracy’s rogues gallery skews more towards “seedy underworld” than “powerful supervillains,” but this current plot, involving Splitface, who used to be Haf and Haf, is testing the limits of reader interest in seediness. A couple of hobos in an abandoned factory, arguing over who did more work in ordering a pizza? “I scraped up the money … I called the pizza delivery. Made the arrangements!” bellows Splitface, as if there are any more “arrangements” involved in ordering pizza than scraping up the money and calling in your order. This guy will definitely be a challenging opponent for Dick Tracy, whose only defense consists of dozens of cops, space-age gadgets, lots of guns, and a judiciary system that’s pretty cool about him killing suspects.

Gasoline Alley, 2/1/19

Desperate to keep up with the times and relate to the kids today, Gasoline Alley today reveals that Rufus and Joel’s omnipresent jugs are no longer filled with moonshine, but rather with moonshine’s modern equivalent, purple drank.

Mary Worth, 2/1/19

Is that the slightest hint of a smile Ian’s showing us in panel two? While being complimented by his students (or, really, anyone) is flustering and confusing for him, the position he finds himself in today — being cruelly berated for no good reason — is his comfort zone.