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Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/25/16

“Hmm, you’re saying I could take advantage of the property I already own to acquire more property, along with a revenue stream that will go up over the years while my own costs remain fixed? It’s almost as if the system is set up so that it’s easy for the rich to get … even richer!”

Beetle Bailey, 2/25/16

There are two things that this joke could be about, both of them involve General Halftrack’s dick, and I would like to state for the record that I don’t appreciate either of them.

Gasoline Alley, 2/25/16

THAT’S RIGHT, BEAR

HE’S THE *!!!§★

MAUL HIM

MAUL HIM GOOD

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Six Chix, 2/20/16

“Whatta bunch of shallow losers! They spent all night watching stories that teams of writers, performers, and technicians had crafted just for them, that say something about the human condition! I meanwhile spent the evening staring up at the unfeeling stars, which burn on endlessly whether I exist or not.”

Judge Parker, 2/20/16

Remember, Derek’s band is made up entirely of high school students, and Sophie, who I guess plays guitar in it, literally did not know how to play guitar at all until she started taking lessons with Derek in 2011, which is probably like three months ago in strip time, tops. This will be the ultimate test of the Parkerverse’s “A Spencer-Driver-Parker always gets paid” constant.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/20/16

Speaking of the protagonist of a soap opera strip always getting paid, I love Summer’s worried facial expression in panel three here. “So, he wants to buy a house and he needs me to … oh, God, I’m supposed to give him a house, right? Just like that other guy did? Where … where am I going to find a house on such short notice?”

Beetle Bailey, 2/20/16

General Halftrack’s facial expression in panel two is exactly how you should look when you’re visualizing an undead Winston Churchill, rotting flesh sloughing off in great chunks, shambling about stinking of gin and attempting to reconquer India.

Crankshaft, 2/20/16

I feel like my suspicions yesterday have been confirmed: this is definitely a plot in which “valentine” is code for “dick pic.”

Gasoline Alley, 2/20/16

You know who else was widely thought to be dead but was then discovered alive in a cave, several days later? What is the New Testament, if not a scrapbook of the risen Christ?

Heathcliff, 2/20/16

~INFINITE NESTING HEATHCLIFFS~

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Gasoline Alley, 2/16/16

“That’s crazy! How can it burn up and down? Why do we drive on a parkway but park in a driveway? Why did our best linguists fail to fully explain the nuances of the speech patterns of Earth languages? Why did I bother with this human-shaped fleshsuit if my inky black chitinous insectoid eyes were still going to be visible after I put it on? Wait, did I say that last part out loud?”

Family Circus, 2/16/16

“Just a bunch of gross dead birds stuffed in a pie crust! Pretty weird, huh? And I’m supposed to eat that? No thanks! Hey, is anybody listening to me?”

Six Chix, 2/16/16

From the people who brought you “Ha ha, it’s funny because the fish just watched their friend die,” it’s “Ha ha, it’s funny because this lobster’s about to be boiled alive, and is just becoming aware of it!” I’m … I’m kind of worried about Six Chix, guys.