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Gil Thorp, 10/23/17

THE GIL THORP FOOTBALL SEASON STORY SO FAR: The football team is not great, and quarterback “can do some things well,” so Gil’s gonna resort to some classic Milford trickeration, like “the veer,” which I assume is some dumb weirdo formation from the leather helmet era like the wing-T, and which they’ll practice for weeks only to see it work for exactly three plays until their opponents figure out how to stop it, and also it’ll result in the whole offensive line getting concussed, somehow. Anyhoo, I’m a little in love with panel two here, in which Gil attempts to wow his mediocre quarterback with an expansive gesture in the direction of a 2009-vintage netbook where he’s managed to figure out how to make the file folders on his desktop different colors.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/23/17

Oh, right, that’s what happened to Buck’s abusive ex: she went to jail! Briefly, and none of the safeguards that were supposedly put in place actually worked. This continues to be a depressingly accurate depiction of how domestic abusers operate.

Mary Worth, 10/23/17

I think it’s a fantastic touch that Iris imagines Wilbur’s girlfriend as being the same height as him, and with greying hair. Like she’s hung up on on him and even she can’t get her head around this.

Crankshaft, 10/23/17

OH YEAH IT’S FALL AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS: CRANKSHAFT IS MAKING JOKES ABOUT PUMPKIN SPICE COFFEE! Anyway, anything that makes Ed Crankshaft so furious can’t possibly be bad, so it’s official: pumpkin spice is extremely good now.

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Mark Trail, 10/20/17

Oh, hey, I’ve been neglecting the antics in Mark Trail, haven’t I? Well, Mark and the robbers ran out of the old saloon out into eye of the tornado [is this an actual thing??? check before publishing] and Johnny and Sheriff Violent McMustache have emerged from the bear cave at the same time, and now gunplay’s afoot! Blonde Bank Robber Lady Whose Name I’m Not Sure We Ever Learned And I Definitely Don’t Feel Like Looking Up probably thinks that running away from the gunfight is a good way to not get shot, but she hasn’t reckoned with the frontier’s casual attitude about officer-involved shootings, or even random-dude-an-officer-gave-a-couple-of-guns-to-involved-shootings. Presumably everyone will just testify at the cursory police investigation that the tornado blew the bullets into her, and then head out to lunch.

Gil Thorp, 10/20/17

Jeez, Uncle Gary, will you lighten up? Maybe head injuries are gonna cause a little light damage to Rick Soto’s brain sometime down the line. But that’s years away, and as we can all see in the final panel, the mysterious glowing space-barrier is tightening its grip around the Earth now. Only a tiny slice of sky beyond it is still visible, and who knows what will happen when it completely encases our world in its energy field? Live for the moment, I say!

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Gil Thorp, 10/17/17

[unspoken, but shown to be true in the final panel] “…or, I could tell you, but then you’ll realize that it’s just four incredibly banal and nonspecific sentences that carry no real information and would be extremely dull to you and your listeners. I care about you, Marty, I really do. I don’t want your show to be cancelled. I know that giving you this faux-aggressive response is better for you than actually answering your question. I’m doing this for you, and the saddest thing is that I can never tell you and you can never know.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/17/17

Oh, so you think comics art forgery is boring, huh? What about, uh, fake news? Yeah, fake news! Really ripped from the headlines, huh? The real headlines! Plus, cyberbullying! This storyline is totally extremely relevant now!!!