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Gil Thorp, 3/1/16

Hey, everyone, let’s check in with Gil Thorp! I don’t actually care about whatever half-assed basketball-season story is in progress right now, nor do I care that the long dragged out “Which college will contrarian star quarterback True Standish finally end up at?” plot has been resolved. I mostly want to point out Coach Kaz’s resplendent gold jacket/red turtleneck combo in panel three here. I like the way he’s holding up an index finger as he delivers his line. No doubt someone told him this makes him look thoughtful, probably the same person who advised him to wear a red turtleneck under a gold suit jacket.

The Lockhorns, 3/1/16

Leroy died several days ago, and Loretta is going to call the coroner to take him away eventually, but right after it happened she thought up this little joke and now she’s making her friends come over one by one to listen to it.

Blondie, 3/1/16

I mean, I guess the winner of the “which comic strip character is most likely to talk about a hamburger like he wants to fuck it?” competition isn’t going to come as a surprise to anyone, exactly.

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Judge Parker, 2/17/16

A subplot of the Derek-Sophie storyline that I haven’t been dwelling on because I’ve been super not into it has been “Oh no! Derek wants to do sex stuff!” I’m actually pretty glad that today’s strip acknowledges that, you know, teenage girls also have sexual desires! I’m also glad to see that despite her transformation from a bullied nerd into a popular cheerleader with a hot boyfriend, Sophie is still the family intellectual, unleashing her brilliant “You know, this roadie business is the only thing preventing me and Derek fucking non-stop” strategy that will keep her parents befuddled.

Gil Thorp, 2/17/16

Speaking of young love, Amazonian rugby-star-turned-basketball-goon Kenzie Hanley and former placebo abuser Max Bacon are totally an item now, everybody! Mainly I’m posting this to point out that exaggerated mid-conversation “time out” gestures are exactly what I’d expect from the amiable athlete-dorks of Milford.

Crankshaft, 2/17/16

This is kind of delightful on its own, but if you want an explanation, it’s a follow up to this strip; apparently Max intended to send his mom a pic of himself in the tub as an E-Valentine (ew?), and got mixed up. Anyway, I want to point out that the fact that he’s inexplicably clean-shaven in panel one, combined with his pinched facial expression in panel two, makes it look like he’s pooping a little beard out of his chin.

Pluggers, 2/17/16

Pluggers know that, the way they eat, they’re gonna be dead in five years, ten tops, so who really gives a shit, you know?

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Spider-Man, 1/29/16

Ah ha! I knew Dr. Liz Bellman’s introduction was meant to imply that there was something significant about her identity. Seems she’s the granddaughter of Betty Dean, who, according to Comic Vine, “played a large role in convincing Namor to aid America and the Allied Forces in the fight against Nazi Germany,” so I guess she only convinced him that some of surface men were not his people’s enemies, ha ha! Comic Vine goes on to say that “Betty would eventually be reunited with Namor and the two would engage in a romantic relationship,” and that her “powers” include “Attractive Female”, which, come on, Comic Vine. ANYWAY, I guess Namor’s Surface-Dweller Fever will probably save humanity again, or at least give Spidey enough time to regain his strength and run away.

Gil Thorp, 1/29/16

Speaking of soap opera plots I don’t care much about, over in Gil Thorp the basketball season plot is about Kenzie Hanley, a very tall and strong elite rugby player whose athleticism has earned her a spot on the basketball team but mostly as a hulking enforcer, as her actual basketball skills are lacking, demonstrated by an egregious airball from the foul line earlier this week. I’ve been so bored by this that I don’t even have any strips posted to demonstrate the fact that up until two days ago, Kenzie was white! But never mind this colorist mixup, because we’ve at last arrived at what I hope will be the hilarious heart of this storyline: Kenzie switching to Rick Berry-style underhand free throws. Will this start a craze of underhand free throws, with the usual gang of Mudlark idiots working to outdo each other in how awkward they look? We can only hope!

Family Circus, 1/29/16

Ha ha, how much do I love Jeffy’s facial expression here? It’s like he’s finally figured out that he’s not the dumb one.

Pluggers, 1/29/16

Pluggers peaked in high school and are 100% OK with that.