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Gil Thorp, 5/5/08

Well well well, look who’s turned out to be the Mudlarks’ chief nativist! It’s Andrew Gregory, who, I feel obliged to point out, wasn’t such a law-and-order type back when he had a half-drunk Marty Moon pretending to be his father for the benefit of a state social worker. Did Marty’s attempt to teach him the importance of sticking it to the man come to naught? I guess in the A-Train’s hierarchy of faceless, dysfunctional government bureaucracies, U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement gets an “honor and obey”, while Social Services rates a “go ahead and mess around with.”

I’m hoping that Marty, flush with his victory in the battle to help underaged Andrew half-competently raise his young siblings without interference from the government, decides to take on Homeland Security for Elmer’s sake. I’m imagining him wearing a huge sombrero and a poncho and spouting quasi-Spanish gibberish like “No es bueno!” and “No mas!” and “Hasta la vista, baby!” It won’t help Elmer at all, of course, but it’ll be hilarious.

Family Circus, 5/5/08

Wow, the Keane Kompound has the most boring wall calendar ever. I guess when your strict religious beliefs regard any depiction of humans, animals, or plants as sin against the Creator, all you’ve got do to entertain yourself is make up sad little stories about the names of the months.

I also question the wisdom of giving a long, pointy stick to a six-year-old, or however old Dolly is supposed to be. At least she’ll probably use it against others, not herself; if Jeffy were wielding it, it’d be buried in his eye in no time.

Panel from Apartment 3-G, 5/5/08

For reasons that I can’t quite verbalize, and hopefully don’t have to, Alan’s thought-balloon whinge in today’s Apartment 3-G was hands-down the funniest thing in the comics section today.

Spider-Man, 5/5/08

…although “Crime-fighting and the flu don’t mix” was a close second. In other developments, we learn that, in his BDSM relationship with his wife, Peter is a bottom. Nobody is surprised.

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First, on Friday I got a mysterious box in the mail. What could it be? A bomb? A container of anthrax? None of these, it turned out! Instead, it was fabulous commemorative Family Circus plate from faithful reader Krazy Kat!

The lovable Keane Kids are rolling around in the leftover detritus of an orgy of Christmas consumption, while their parents are passed out exhausted on the couch, hoping that at least one of them will choke to death on a small toy part so that there’ll be less shopping to do next year. Thanks, Krazy Kat!

(By the way, does anyone know if you can actually eat off these commemorative plate dealies? I’ve heard a rumor that the paint on them is often lead or something equally unpleasant.)

Also! Faithful reader Harold, maker of several fonts, has developed one based on the lettering of former Gil Thorp artist Frank McLaughlin! Behold, Ohmigosh! Perhaps the new artist can swap it in for Comic Sans? It can be yours for a mere $30!

Also also! Faithful reader KT has completed his Comics Curmudgeon Get-Together cartoon diary. There are photos too!

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Gil Thorp, 5/2/08

Sorry I haven’t been covering the Very Special Story of Elmer Vargas the Accidental Illegal Immigrant, but turns out it’s kind of boring! Elmer has lived in America since he was six months old, so he’s thoroughly acclimated to the culture; this is why he invokes TV as a totem to protect him, since he knows Americans love it before all else. Still, I fear that we’re going to see the Vargases deported just in time for Cinco de Mayo next week, possibly at the behest of the blonde-haired uber-Aryan in panel three. Is that Coach Mrs. Coach Thorp? I’d say I can’t tell yet who people are with the new artist, but honestly I had a hard time with the old artist too.

Pluggers, 5/2/08

What’s the saddest possible interpretation of this panel?

• Pluggers is a shameless sell-out, willing to take cash from any fast food restaurant chain willing to throw money their way.
• Pluggers is too dumb to sell out, and is just throwing in names for color because it can’t conceive of a world not completely defined by the omnipresent branding of multinational corporations.
• This family of pluggers will drive directly from KFC to visit their friend the chicken-lady while still gnawing on the bones of her slaughtered kin.

Mary Worth, 5/2/08

I’m not sure what exactly Ron is holding in the second panel, but I sincerely hope it’s his mother’s soiled bedpan, and he’s about to brain his brother with it.