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Archive: Gil Thorp

181

Wars and rumors of wars

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Gil Thorp, 10/13/26

It looks like we’re approaching the final Borys Orlov vs. Adrian Blatz showdown we’ve all been waiting for, but first, a little background on Borys: he may not remember the sound of Russian munitions raining down on his war-torn homeland, but he does remember a name, a name that echoed on the wind that blew across the Eurasian steppe. “Gil Thorp,” he heard, even as a child, even before he could understand what the syllables mean, what a name was. “Gil Thorp.” As geopolitics fell into violent chaos around him, he only had ears for that name, that mysterious name, “Gil Thorp,” that he somehow knew, without knowing how he knew, denoted his destiny.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 10/13/26

Ha ha, remember Mussolini? The guy who invented fascism, ruled Italy with an iron fist for decades, allied with Hitler, and ended up executed by partisans at a gas station? Well, what if there were a restaurant named after him? They’d probably have a dish with a name that punned on the word “dictator,” because Mussolini was a dictator, ha ha! Also, they’d probably have another dish that punned on “Benito,” which was Mussolini’s first name. Anyway, don’t think too hard about the type of guy who would open a restaurant named “Mussolini’s,” unless you want to completely ruin your day.

151

Religious fervor

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Gil Thorp, 10/1/26

[Between panels two and three] “… and … what’s that? Coach Clover seems to be discussing something with her assistants and … oh my gosh, folks, it appears that Valley Tech is parading the famous Panagia Hodegetria icon of the Theotokos — one of the Virgin Mary’s titles in Eastern Christianity — along the sideline. The Byzantines used to carry this ancient portrait, rumored to have been painted by St. Luke himself, along the walls of Constantinople in times of crisis; it was thought to be lost when the Ottomans conquered the city but it seems it’s right here in the Valley Conference! And Borys Orlov, the Slavic terror who’s been dominating tonight’s game so far, falls to his knees in a show of piety before the blessed relic, allowing Jones to make a clean catch for Valley Tech. Now it’s first and goal! Can VT make this run count?!”

Gearhead Gertie, 10/1/26

Because, Gertie, Dale is dead! He’s been dead and in the ground for more than 25 years! He wouldn’t want you to live like this. He’d want you to move on! There are lots of exciting and charismatic new drivers in NASCAR these days. It’s OK to pick one as your new favorite! It doesn’t dishonor Dale’s legacy!

137

Soapy Friday

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Mary Worth, 9/25/26

Dang, Alma, you were the most sensible person in this whole situation for about 30 seconds, but now you’re out there buttonholing people in the Charterstone parking lot to tell them the good bad news about Mary Worth and Ian maybe enjoying the pleasures of the flesh together. We’re about to finally get some forward movement in this story, though, because this constant gossiping is at last happening with Toby within earshot. I do hope she really only caught that last part. “Wait, spend that time with me? That’s time I could be spending with my parrots! No thanks.”

Gil Thorp, 9/25/26

Gotta say, the second two panels here, where a glowering, mustachio’d Marty Moon says “The success is largely on Borys Orlov’s shoulders–” and then Coach Gerards cuts him off and and declares “Nonsense! I plan and they execute” really could be an exchange between Stalin and one of his aides, as the aide tries to explain to him that one of his non-purged generals had really started to turn things around against the Wehrmacht and Stalin immediately takes credit. Except for the perm. Probably. Can you prove that, in the darkest days of the Battle of Moscow, Stalin didn’t have a long, flowing perm? He’s usually wearing hats in most of the pictures I’ve seen. Could be anything under there.