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Gil Thorp, 9/15/22

Sure, all the FLASH AND DAZZLE in Gil Thorp lately has been “there are trans and nonbinary characters in Gil Thorp now,” but those of us paying attention to the subtle threads have been wondering: who is Mel Gordon, Tobias’s mom, to Gil? They “hadn’t seen each other in years” when she showed up to register her son at Milford, and yesterday we learned that she thinks the Thorp kids are lucky to have Gil and Mimi, who were “so kind” to Mel, as parents. What could this all mean? Today we learn it means that Gil tried to browbeat her into having an abortion at some point, which, based on her reaction, wasn’t particularly kind, but I guess they’d let bygones be bygones, at least until the part where Gil brought it up again, right here at the Bucket. I feel like I need to know who the dude in panel one is, standing there looking depressed? Probably he’s the guy who knocked Mel up? He looks like he’s thinking “I respect a woman’s right to choose, but I sort of assumed that my opinion on the matter would rank higher than Gil Thorp’s.”

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 9/15/22

In several places, the Buddhist scriptures preserve a list that has come to be known as the list of games that Buddha would not play; these were pastimes that he and his disciples felt were “cause for negligence” and were persevered as a way to demonstrate the difference between Buddhists and other kinds of ascetics who, we’re meant to understand, are less serious about asceticism. Board and dice games are on the list, but there’s also a host of whimsical activities that provide a glimpse into what people did to kill time in an era before widespread mass media or other forms of passive entertainment. They include blowing through pipes made of leaves, guessing a friend’s thoughts, trying to guess what letter a friend is drawing on your back, and “dipping the hand with the fingers stretched out in lac, or red dye, or flour-water, and striking the wet hand on the ground or on a wall, calling out ‘What shall it be?’ and showing the form required — elephants, horses, etc.” Basically, people had to make their own fun in the Buddha’s day, just like they have to do in Hootin’ Holler, though Snuffy and his pals at least have the detritus of industrial civilization to use as props while they do it.

Dennis the Menace, 9/15/22

Hey. Hey, Mr. Wilson. The strip is called Dennis the Menace. We already have a comic about an old guy who’s an asshole to everyone; it’s called Crankshaft and he goes the extra mile to make puns. We definitely don’t care about you annoying your optometrist, so how about you go back to yelling at your neighbor kid, which is your actual job, buddy.

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FOLKS!!!! It is I, Josh, your Comics Curmudgeon, and I am back from vacation! Let’s all say a huge thank you to Uncle Lumpy for his delightful filling in, and let me say a huge thank you to everyone who contributed to the fundraiser (though you’ll all be getting individual thank yous soon enough, of course). Uncle Lumpy cannot choose favorites among you so Urlance Woolsbane’s COTW dominance will last until next Friday, but I still have some Saturday jokes to tell and feelings to work out.

Crankshaft, 9/10/22

Primarily, the feelings I have to work out involve the significant portion of my vacation I spent seething about the narrative violence being done to the Funkyverse timeline as the strip grinds into its 50th anniversary. Huh, Crankshaft and Funky Winkerbean, which have been a decade apart for something like a decade now, are suddenly happening at the same time? No thanks! Oh, that reunion the Funky characters are going to is supposed to be their 50th, which means the characters are all in their late 60s now? Wrong! They’re in their mid to late 50s, they just look and act older because they’re miserable and hate themselves. And now they’re dragging the literally unaging Lois Flagston into this whole mess. Don’t care for it! Don’t care for it at all!

Curtis, 9/10/22

Speaking of age-appropriate behavior, we all know that one of Heartthrob’s roles in this strip is to be a spinner of tall tales, but you know this one is bullshit because nobody born before 1987 has a Facebook account.

Gil Thorp, 9/10/22

Uncle Lumpy covered all the soapy drama in nu-look Gil Thorp, which I guess means it’s my job to tell you about the … sports? Specifically, I’m here to tell you that the strip is covering a non-football sport (volleyball) during the fall, which is certainly a change of pace! It’s definitely a change for Marty Moon or whoever is doing the play-by-play, who hasn’t had a chance to learn any of these people’s names and is just yelling their numbers and hoping for the best.

Anyway! I’m glad to be back! Look for more comic jokes from me in this space, every day, indefinitely! I love you all!

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Slylock Fox, 9/7/22 (panel)

Well, you could find all the S-words. Alternatively, you could assign names beginning with the letter S to all the elements: Siamese, sycamore, stratus, sun, starling, shack: try it!

Slylock‘s original premise seems rooted in the ancient gnostic belief that knowing the “true names” of things and beings confers power over them. You could give that a try, too, and maybe acquire godlike power over the stuff in today’s episode of Slylock Fox and Comics for Kids. For which, congratulations, I guess.

Gil Thorp, 9/7/22

Wow, the plot developments in the new Gil Thorp are coming thick and fast. Here we learn that the Thorps’ impending divorce has less to do with Gil’s roving eye or frequent absences and more with Mimi’s long-suppressed LPGA dreams. Which I could really get into, except Mimi’s Mom is wearing Gil’s face and it’s creeping me out.

Luann, 9/7/22

It’s an iron law in comics that nothing must ever change. Calvin and Dennis must stay five forever; Marvin never leave his diaper; Charlie Brown never grow up. When a cartoonist slips up in the name of “progress” or “development,” all hell breaks loose. Characters in real-time strips like For Better or for Worse or Gasoline Alley age out of their cute zones into boring adults or, eventually, horrifying rattletraps like century-and-change Walt Wallet. The famous time-skip in Funky Winkerbean tried to shift focus to sons and daughters, failed, and went back to its increasingly creaky main cast.

So it is with Luann‘s post-graduation stories. A few characters got cashiered outright: Knute, Crystal, Mr. Fogarty. But with some obvious substitutions—ethnic ciphers Dez and Bets for ethnic ciphers Delta and Rosa—the cast and plots are the same, except for Tiffany here. She literally grew out of her “shallow, pretty cheerleader” role when she gained weight “dealing with depression” in 2017. So, in classic Darwinian fashion, here comes Stef to occupy her niche. The strip is now working hard to throw her a lifeline with a “poor little rich girl” role. Hold onto it, Tiff—hold on for dear life. The shadow of Walt Wallet looms large.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/7/22

Buck! Buck! All is forgiven! Come back Buck, please! Buuuuuuuuuuuuck!

–Uncle Lumpy