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Hagar the Horrible, 4/19/16

Or maybe just the one? Gluttony? Unless Lucky Eddie is planning on somehow angrily and lazily fucking his dessert, and then bragging about it later? I guess this is more proof that Hagar and his fellow Scandinavians have converted to Christianity but don’t really have all the details down yet.

Mary Worth, 4/19/16

OH MY GOD

HARLAN JONES KNOWS PARKOUR

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE LET HIM RUN STRAIGHT UP A WALL AT SOME POINT DURING THIS STORYLINE

POSSIBLY TO ESCAPE A SEXUAL ADVANCE FROM DAWN

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Mary Worth, 4/3/16

You know, I really quite enjoy Dawn Weston’s role as Mary Worth’s perennial sad sack. Every attempt to get her to improve her life either doesn’t stick or goes horribly awry. For instance, we’re only a few days into her attempt to shake off her funk by making a bolder personal effort, and already she’s on the verge of falling under the svengali-like sway of an art history teacher/yoga guru/“renaissance man.” I fully expect her to show up for an “intro yoga class” where it turns out the only other person there is this Thomas Dewey-lookin’ chump and he’s fully nude.

Hagar the Horrible, 4/3/16

This is definitely the most maritally bleak Hagar the Horrible ever produced, and considering this is a strip where the title character tries to cheat on his wife every few years, that’s really saying something.

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Funky Winkerbean, 3/26/16

Proof positive that Funky Winkerbean takes place ten years in the future: Everyone, even people going to see classic films in retro movie theaters that cater specifically to cinephiles, just talks at full volume right through the movie now. This is basically my nightmare scenario for the future, frankly. I’d rather have the killer robots take over. At least that’d be faster.

Judge Parker, 3/26/16

“Look, I don’t actually care about this arbitrary rule you broke! Why don’t you call someone over my head? Why don’t you hire my sister? Why don’t you contemplate how small my hourly rate is compared to your vast resources? DO I HAVE TO SPELL THIS OUT FOR YOU?”

Gil Thorp, 3/26/16

Oh, yeah, right, so this confrontation ended with rugby star Kenzie breaking one of the bad kid’s jaws, and now everyone feels bad and weird because you shouldn’t resolve your disputes through violence men should be violently protecting women, not vice versa. Now Coach Thorp is going to rouse himself from his usual torpor to Fix Things With The Teens, by use of clever thought experiments that definitely aren’t going give rise to lawsuits and/or lifelong emotional scars, no sir.

Hagar the Horrible, 3/26/16

OR MAYBE SHE JUST DOESN’T WANT TO TALK TO YOU GUYS, JESUS