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Archive: Heathcliff

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I promise this post is not #sponsoredcontent

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Funky Winkerbean, 11/25/15

Hey, Pete and Darren, as a relatively new transplant to LA, I understand that the little things can be tough — things like figuring out your favorite places to eat. In a huge city like Los Angeles, you have the additional dilemma caused by a wide variety of choices, a marked contrast to your hometown, where literally the only places that serve food are Montoni’s and the Toxic Taco. Anyway, my personal favorite pizza place that I’ve found so far is DeSano in East Hollywood, although they don’t deliver; Hard Times Pizza, on Glendale Boulevard in Echo Park, does, and they’re great too, though you might not be able to get delivery from them if you live over towards the Westside. I’m sure there are a number of great options there, though! I’m sure there are a number of options that are infinitely better than terrible Montoni’s sadness-pizza that’s been put on dry ice and shipped across the country, come the fuck on.

Spider-Man, 11/25/15

I’m not gonna lie to you: this extremely low-stakes brawl in the UN General Assembly hall could go on for weeks as far as I’m concerned and I will love every minute of it. Did Namor just kind of … swipe in the general direction of those security guards in panel one? Did everyone just sort of forget to look up as the floating Atlantean Combat Platform drifted into the chambers? How did it get through the door, anyway? And why did a race that lives under the sea bother to developer technology that can make things float in midair? Anyway, I hope this whole sequence lasts long enough to not answer any of these questions but raise a lot more questions through endless additional hilariously dumb details.

Pluggers, 11/25/15

Do you think plugger-cat paid for this fantasy? I’m just imagining plugger-cat talking to some confused male escort he found on backpage.com, and saying “Your ad says you’re up for anything.”

Heathcliff, 11/25/15

You can tell by his blank, expressionless stare that the Garbage Ape is super not into this scene. “Remember when they used to cheer like this just because I was swinging garbage cans around?” he thinks. “When did I need to start getting topical all of the sudden? Why can’t they just love me for the garbage?”

B.C., 11/25/15

Ha ha, it’s funny because living as an adult makes you want to die!

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Still disgruntled Tuesday

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Dennis the Menace, 10/20/15

The angry look Mr. Wilson is flashing Mrs. Wilson here ought to send a chill down anyone’s spine. One assumes that, like their namesake characters in Who’s Afraid Of Virginia Woolf, the frustrated, childless George and Martha have an imaginary son that they discuss only with each other as part of their cruel banter, and now Dennis is getting too close to the truth. Unless … Dennis is their imaginary son? Will he wink out of existence, once he becomes self-aware?

Funky Winkerbean, 10/20/15

Hey, remember the interminable storyline where Holly became a comics nerd so she could put together a complete Starbucks Jones collection together for her son Cory, who was off in Afghanistan, and this helped her feel close to him when he was far away and in grave danger? In related news, remember how Cory’s main deal before the time-jump was that he was an insufferable, ungrateful little shit, and it was never quite clear whether or not military life had cured him of it?

Gasoline Alley, 10/20/15

Hey, remember beloved comics characters Mutt and Jeff from days of yore? Well, Mutt’s the only one left. Jeff’s dead now.

Heathcliff, 10/20/15

Haha, wouldn’t it be funny if James Bond didn’t wear pants, and drank water out of the toilet?

Six Chix, 10/20/15

LOL LADIES ALWAYS EXPECTING YOU TO INTERACT WITH ’EM WHADDYA GONNA DO AMIRGHT FELLAS

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Friday quickies

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Apartment 3-G, 10/9/15

Oh man, kind of a bummer that Margo’s mom’s psychic Latina (?) powers worked to save her daughter’s dumb roommate but not her daughter! Though maybe that’s because, as you can tell by comparing that strip from 2007 to this one, Margo’s mother has been replaced by someone else entirely.

Funky Winkerbean, 10/9/15

Gotta assume that Mason is towards the depressive end of his bipolar cycle, and was just overcome with exhaustion and ennui such that he had to pause for a few seconds between the syllables “bipolar” to gather his energy. Because otherwise Cindy would’ve just blurted something out in mid-word, and that doesn’t make any sense at all!

Pluggers, 10/9/15

Pluggers don’t just give companies money in exchange for goods or services; they construct an identity by conspicuously displaying loyalty to their favorite brands. Pluggers, so silly, amiright? (Haha, just kidding, we all construct our identities out of our relationships with corporate entities to one degree or another. The matrix of capitalism is inescapable!)

Hi and Lois, 10/9/15

Haha, fellas, turns out if you want to have a romantic relationship with someone you have to do things that interest them! Women, whaddyagonnado?

Heathcliff, 10/9/15

As that coin hit the water deep in the wishing well, all across the world, all at once, the innumerable cloacae of innumerable birds squeezed shut forever. A few hours later, the birds began to explode in bursts of guts and feces and feathers — at first just one here and there, then more and more frequently, until everyone on the planet was deafened by the awful, repulsive noise.