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Dick Tracy, 11/21/25

Look, I don’t like to speak ill of the dead, and I’m not going to say I’m glad that Sheriff Somners plummeted to his death off that cliff. But if the guy saw this horrifying country fair act where “Roacho the Clown” ran around spraying poison onto two weirdos in comically grotesque giant bug costumes and thought to himself, “Now this is the vibe I want at that local charity event,” then I question his judgment, honestly.

Hi and Lois, 11/21/25

Hmm, this seems like good news, so why does Hi look so disappointed by this big reveal? Because Ditto is describing a shift from a violent and primitive mode of production to a more orderly capitalist one, and Hi is familiar enough with the theory of historical materialism to know what comes next: full-on communism.

Mary Worth, 11/21/25

I was gonna do a riff here about Mary suspecting that Toby has taken a lover, but look at her face in that first panel. She’s clearly more like, “Wait, is another person here? Does Toby know someone socially other than me and Ian? Hmm. Hmm. No, sorry, that just doesn’t add up.

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Hi and Lois, 11/18/25

Sorry, Lois. The latest Gen Alpha trend is eldermaxxing. Kids are putting on their grandpa’s clothes, and they’re so young they don’t even remember the Macklemore song so they don’t think it’s cringe. They’re shoplifting Ben Gay from local pharmacies so they can get the smell right. They’re setting off airhorns near each other’s ears so they can get into the “Eh? What’s that, sonny?” vibe. It’s happening all over the country and there’s nothing you can do about it. You’ll beg for skibidi toilet or “6-7” or whatever when Chip starts demanding dinner at 4:45 p.m. so he can finish in time to doze off in front of the local news.

Archie, 11/18/25

Sure, yes, Jughead’s hat is dumb-looking, or at least extremely out of date, but here’s the thing, Reggie: he’s been wearing it, depending on how you think of the chronology, either since 1941 or the whole time you’ve been in high school together. Everyone has already arrived at an opinion about it, and probably has pretty much stopped thinking about it, years ago! What made you think this would be a successfully sick burn that would raise your clout amongst your peers?

Dennis the Menace, 11/18/25

Now, Reggie, this is a sick burn. This is genuinely the most menacing thing Dennis has said in years, in that it’s simultaneously very funny and also if he said it to me I would die inside. The face he’s making is also great! Kudos all around.

Hagar the Horrible, 11/18/25

I love that she distinguishes between “the god Baldr” and just plain Thor. I assume this means she’s referring not to Baldr’s brother, the storm god, but just some guy named Thor, maybe one of their neighbors. His face is enh but he’s extremely ripped.

Beetle Bailey, 11/18/25

Hey, now, Killer — Otto walks around on two legs and wears human clothes! He’s not stupid at all, and honestly I’m not 100% convinced that he’s a dog.

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Shoe, 11/17/25

I was about to get really mad and go on a diatribe about how graves are famously clearly labelled with both the occupant’s name and date of death, but then I realized that this bird lady has been dancing on an unmarked grave, and generally the only way you know the location of an unmarked grave is if you’ve dug it yourself. Years ago, she ambushed and murdered someone in the dark who she thought was Shoe and buried them deep in the woods; she occasionally returns to it to celebrate her victory over her tormentor with choreography, but today she decided to visit some of his old haunts to find out what legacy he left behind, only to be confronted with knowledge that has truly merited the patented Shoe goggle eyes of horror.

Mary Worth, 11/17/25

Uh, excuse me, Narration Box, that’s not just “the veterinarian,” that’s beloved Mary Worth tertiary character/Wilbur’s ex’s new husband, Dr. Ed! And boy, he looks happy, doesn’t he? Maybe it’s because he’s settling into the joy of married life now that the emotionally grueling wedding planning process is over, or maybe it’s just that today for once he gets to offer simple, helpful advice like “add good quality pellets to the food you give him” instead of euthanizing a bunch of dogs. And if his animal hospital is the only local vendor of the parrot pellet brand he recommends, well, that’s just an added bonus.

Hi and Lois, 11/17/25

Look, Lois, you have an infant and cannot be much older than your early 40s, you do not remember when streaking was a fad. Though I guess it’s possible that there’s more of an age gap here than meets the eye and her question isn’t rhetorical. “Remember when streaking was a fad?” asks Lois (born in 1986). “Was it, like, during the first Clinton Administration? I think I have vague memories of it as a kid.” Hi (born in 1967) sighs heavily.

Dick Tracy, 11/17/25

Ha ha yes, the, uh, the Ghost Cat. The … Ghost Cat. The beloved character (?) that we all know (??) and love (???). The cat who’s a ghost, and also, in certain jurisdictions albeit not this one, a duly appointed law enforcement officer. Very normal! Ghost Cat!