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Bizarro, 7/28/26

Well, I’m excited to see that Bizarro’s Crash Test Dummies Stories weren’t just for Uncle Lumpy; now we’re fully into week two and things are getting dark. What do you mean you’re comparing your beloved to a brick wall, the very thing you and she are hurled painfully against over and over again day after day, and what do you mean she’s purring in delight at the comparison? Can’t believe they put this in the newspaper where anyone could see it, if anyone read the newspaper.

Gil Thorp, 7/28/26

Speaking of things that are still happening, the wedding of Gil Thorp is still happening in Gil Thorp, and today we learn that Marty Moon has finished his transformation from boring-ass high school sports radio reporter to multi-hyphenate content creator and influencer by becoming a DJ. Sorry if the first dance at your wedding is ruined by the DJ shouting “I’m [reggaeton airhorn] DJ MOON” every 15 seconds, but Marty has a #brand to maintain and/or establish.

Hi and Lois, 7/28/26

I really enjoy the drawing of Lois in panel one here, an asymmetrical close-up that lets you see how her face is assembled out of a series of curves. I also like how unsettled she looks in panel two. Does the suffering of some people bring profit to others? Is that truly the world we’re living in?

Archie, 7/28/26

A fun thing you realize reading Archie comics as an adult is that, despite the fact that their target audience is teenagers, a lot of them are actually about how teenagers are annoying and kind of stupid.

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Beetle Bailey, 7/11/26

The thing about the daily comics is that they’re still drawn as if the black and white version is canonical, even though probably most people who read them now see them online, in color. That means that if you want your imagined audience to know that Sgt. Luggs really dolled herself up for this date only to be humiliated by Sarge’s combo gluttony/cheapness, you have to draw her lipstick in black, even though you’ll give online readers the impression that she’s “gone goth” in an attempt to distract Sarge from his pathological need for food (it didn’t work).

Hi and Lois, 7/11/26

Genuinely love that Lois just had the Flagston home inkjet printer spit “NO JUNK FOOD” in 490 point font out and handed it to Hi on his way to the supermarket. I assume he doesn’t even have a list beyond this. “Just follow your instincts and then buy the opposite,” she said.

Crankshaft, 7/11/26

Real talk: I have zero idea who these people are supposed to be. Is it Mopey Pete and Mindy, and he’s put on a lot of weight in the last year and she’s caught whatever he has that causes the visible eyebags? Or are they day players, hired because everyone in the regular cast steadfastly refused to deliver the line “I’m glad we went with Harry to that abandoned amusement park today”?

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Hi and Lois, 6/26/26

I dunno, maybe there’s something to this whole “boys are falling behind” thing, because it seems like Chip’s girlfriend of the moment has secured some kind of high-paying girlboss email job for the summer while he’s just standing there staring at her like an idiot.

Hagar the Horrible, 6/26/26

Before today it never even occurred to me that I might have to contemplate the question “How would I feel about Hagar expressing even the slightest hint of sexual desire?” because the idea that he might ever be horny just didn’t seem like something that was on the table. This is what happens when you let Brad and Toni fuck in the shower! The answer to the question is “uncomfortable,” for the record.

Beetle Bailey, 6/26/26

At least I don’t ever have to worry about General Halftrack expressing erotic feelings for his wife. He loathes her and can only bear being her husband by drinking heavily!

Crankshaft, 6/26/26

Speaking of drunk and depressing, Harry Dinkle has been learning about his long-dead and distant father by reading a diary he found in that storage unit. Yesterday’s strip was about how Dinkle Senior, a bandleader, once wandered past a TV store where they were showing Elvis on the display units and he realized that the world was passing him by before he ever managed to become a big deal, and it was pretty grim, but I decided not to post it here because I thought “You know what, we can do better.” And boy was I right!