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Luann, 11/10/11

GOD DAMN IT DO I REALLY HAVE TO TALK ABOUT LUANN? FINE. So, here’s a thing I noticed about Luann: Check out how broad-shouldered and grim-faced and bad-ass Brad is looking in panel one there. Does it remind you of anything? Like, maybe the strip from last week where Toni strode off in triumph from WeenieWorld, after having physically threatened Brad’s boss?

Even the jacket is more or less the same! This probably means that “Brad” and “Toni” are actually two different aspects of the same individual’s personality. The question is, who’s the real one and who’s the delusion? I’m certainly hoping Toni is the projection, because really, who would want to make up Brad, even in their subconscious, gross.

Seeing that panel from last week in isolation also makes me realize that Anne is moonlighting at the mall as one of Santa’s elves, which means that her erratic behavior may be a result of stress brought on by overwork.

Hi and Lois, 11/10/11

Not wanting to know about the contents of your hot dog is actually a pretty good policy. Don’t worry, kids, there’s not much nutritive difference between “cow anus” and “turkey cloaca.” And turkey dogs are still chock-full of the delicious nitrates you love!

Apartment 3-G, 11/10/11

Ha ha, Lu Ann, Paul has already seen the wedding dress, since it was worn by his mother and all his sisters and sisters-in-law for every Linsky Compound wedding ever! It is probably all moldy and disgusting, like this one, but wearing it is an inviolable Tradition, just like the ceremonial head-shaving/lobotomy during the reception.

Spider-Man, 11/10/11

“Yup, I knew! But I still passed out and let myself be chained up anyway. Actually succeeding at something … it just didn’t feel like me, you know?”

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Funky Winkerbean, 10/28/11

I have to admit that I like the sly little smile on witch-girl’s face in this cartoon. “Tee-hee! He sassed back to our teacher, using a vaguely appropriate bit of wordplay! He’s a bad boy who plays by his own rules, but isn’t a complete dolt! I’m totally going to regret losing my virginity to him in two years!”

Hi and Lois, 10/28/11

Ha ha, it’s funny because Chip can set specific songs for his ringtone, which is a feature that’s actually been available on phones for years and years now and isn’t new or awesome, and also isn’t funny. But, um, his dad sure hates it, so, hilarity?

Apartment 3-G, 10/28/11

Wait, Margo is talking about liking Lu Ann, and hugging, and her face isn’t twisted with rage and disgust? This is what comes of this “art without rules” business. ART NEEDS RULES! THERE ARE TERRIBLE CONSEQUENCES WHEN ART HAPPENS AND THERE ARE NO RULES!

Mary Worth, 10/28/11

Meanwhile, Bobby and Gina are driving down Easy Street, far in excess of the posted speed limit, while gazing into each other’s eyes! What could possibly go wrong?

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Hi and Lois, 10/4/11

Fun fact about Hi and Lois (yes, fun facts about Hi and Lois exist): “Thirsty” Thurston was originally given that nickname because he was a chronic drunk. At some point, the strip toned down that aspect of his personality — you know, for the children — mostly by getting rid of his bright red nose and visible intoxication bubbles, and for the past several decades we’ve just been left to fill in the blanks for the origins of his shiftlessness, slovenliness, and unhappy marriage. But it appears that someone at Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC suddenly realized (probably right about here) that children stopped reading the comics long ago, and so Thirsty’s boozehounding can now come back in full force! Earlier this week there was already a strip about how he passed out drunk on Hi’s couch and spent the night in a stupor, so I look forward to the hijinks that will ensue once he polishes off this minivan-sized box of Beer™ brand beer.

Apartment 3-G, 10/4/11

I’m pretty sure that we’re always supposed to find Margo’s high-handed demands unreasonable, which is why I find it odd that her current set of high-handed demands involve asking Lu Ann to do her job rather than comparing different shades of pastel for bridesmaids dresses and matching napkins all day. Rather than responding with “Weddings! Bah, humbug! My heart was broken by my fiancé’s death, so I must crap on your happiness!” it would kind of make more sense if Margo said, “Yeah, so, you know I’m paying you to, like, work at the art gallery, right?”

B.C., 10/4/11

Ha ha, those jokesters at B.C., they’re sure stickin’ it to those hippies, and their grass! Hippies eat grass, right? That’s how you “do” grass? If you’re a hippie? Anyway, long story short, this hippie is about to be savagely killed by a dinosaur, for his drug crimes.