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Six Chix, 8/21/19

1. “And ostriches run fast, so I’m hoping to best you in this competition!”
2. “So perhaps I have my head in the sand about my athletic abilities.”
3. “The better to kick the crap out of you, my dear!”
4. “That’s why this punchline laid an egg!”

Dustin, 8/21/19

All week these folks have been getting bummed out by the news. A word of advice, Dustin people — stay away from the comics!

Funky Winkerbean, 8/21/19

“Well, of course you’re the only colorist they have. Until you get replaced by some Bangladeshi outsourcer! Or some discount freelancer on Fiverr! But hey: I hear you’re engaged to be married to Mopey Pete! God, your life sucks! I’m so grateful to be old and near death.”

Hi and Lois, 8/21/19

“Nature, red in tooth and claw” seems a little off-brand for Hi and Lois.

— Uncle Lumpy

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 8/10/19

Back in 2018 Snuffy woke his father from a decades-long slumber, presumably to the great joy of his family and other community members who had long ago written him off for dead. Now, not even two years later, it appears that everyone is already sick of the elder Smif, no doubt because of his incorrigible criminality.

Blondie, 8/10/19

Sometimes Dagwood and Blondie seem like a mismatched pair, but panel one proves they really have simpatico worldviews. “Look at that asshole,” they sneer, “trying something daring and exciting that we would never even consider doing. Does he think he’s better than us? Fuck that guy.”

Gil Thorp, 8/10/19

Ah, I see Hadley has reached the “What is truth? Can we ever fully grasp reality? Isn’t it up to each of us to interpret the flickering shadows of sensation on the wall of our cave the best we can, just as Plato explained?” portion of her pitch to the school board.

Hi and Lois, 8/10/19

Welp, it looks like the Flagstons’ golfrodisiac fun has run its course. Back to soul-crushing, sexless suburban conformity for this pair!

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Gil Thorp, 8/5/19

“Here’s what I’m thinking, Mr. Ballard. Why don’t you stop thinking of your job as determining the best and fairest set of rules for your school district and then making sure everyone follows those rules regardless of their status, and instead realizing what it really is: a means to grease the skids for people with enough power and influence to make life unpleasant for you if you don’t let them do what they want? Don’t worry, you won’t have to actually let anyone else bend the rules like this in the future, unless they also have a friend who’s a bored high-powered lawyer. Just do this one thing this one time and all your problems go away, probably!”

Hi and Lois, 8/5/19

Ha ha, it’s funny because Trixie views her place in the Flagston household as perpetually contingent, and worries she could be thrown in the trash at any time! Her parents do just ignore her for hours out of the day while she crawls around the house unsupervised, which might have something to do with it.

Dick Tracy, 8/5/19

Theater people??? Doing drugs???? UNHEARD OF