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Judge Parker, 11/19/23

Way back in the early days of the War on Terror, “black site” was an ominous phrase used to describe grim, secretive locations in countries willing to look the other way when it came to various human rights laws where the CIA could torture people, but the phrase’s sense has shifted over the years, to the extent that in the 2019 film Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbes and Shaw, there’s a recurring location that is identified as a “black site” on-screen that appears to simply be some office space that the CIA has rented in London. You can see why the Agency might have given up on the phrase in exasperation and now just calls them “detention centers”. Anyway, I’m really enjoying the pissy-face competition Sam and this CIA lady are having, which I assume will end either with him defeating her and becoming a high-ranking official in the American intelligence apparatus, or with him getting tortured to death right there in the middle of this “detention center.”

Six Chix, 11/19/23

Like all right-thinking people, I get nauseated just thinking about cottage cheese, but I note here that this particular can (?) of the accursed substance seems to be glowing with some unearthly power. Has the Cottage Cheese Board figured out a way grant their repulsive product the ability to hypnotize hapless consumers to overcome their natural disgust?

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Mary Worth, 10/6/23

Oh, root beer? You guys both love root beer? You’d describe it as your “favorite”? Well, I think we can forget DNA tests or the “necessary Q&A” about who failed to pull out of who when: paternity has now pretty much been confirmed! Congrats to all!

Beetle Bailey, 10/6/23

Ha ha, wouldn’t it be funny if a guy was in the army but — get this — he had a cell phone, like you and me, and he accidentally dropped it in the sink? Such a thing would be impossible, of course, but it’s truly whimsical to imagine. An army guy! With a cell phone! Oh, mercy.

Curtis, 10/6/23

Look, I’m not saying I want Curtis to wrap up and stop publishing — far from it! Please, grace us with crazy stories for many Kwanzaas to come! But I am saying that a very cool way for Curtis to end its run in the funny pages would be for one of Greg’s old enemies to escape from prison, forcing the Wilkins family to flee for their lives.

Judge Parker, 10/6/23

Oh, hey, a guy got tased in Judge Parker! Don’t really have much to add to that, just thought you’d want to know. He got tased right in the neck!

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Gasoline Alley, 9/7/23

Hey, remember the human baby who was abandoned in the woods and rescued by a talking bear? Well, the bear viciously bared his teeth when he found out that the authorities were coming to arrest the baby and take him away forever! But then he had it explained to him that there are different kinds of “authorities,” and these were the kind that care for children and try to reunite them with their parents. Problem solved! He should go back to doing bear stuff now, I guess.

Judge Parker, 9/7/23

“We’ve been talking about all that nonstop for days! Mostly I wanted to talk about how we were supposed to have sex on the trip but then never did. Anyway, do you have 20 minutes?”

Family Circus, 9/7/23

I really enjoy how contemptuous PJ looks here. He doesn’t know how to talk, but if he did, he would be hissing “Jeffy, you idiot, that cat does not like our house, he is shitting” through gritted teeth.