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Gil Thorp, 11/16/11

Trust me, the current plot of Gil Thorp is totally not worth time time it would take for me to describe it to you, but I do think everyone can find today’s strip amusing. Say what you will about those Mudlarks, but they sure are together emotionally. Most high school athletes would probably be cowed or angry when one of their coaches freaked out on them, but these guys just sweatily crack wise and do a little armchair (or sideline bench) psychoanalysis. “Ho hum, another high school football coach who’s just living vicariously through us, probably because his life peaked during his own high school days and now he’s way too emotionally invested in these largely meaningless contests! I mean, he’s right, we do suck, but he should be taking an entirely different motivational tack if he expects us to respect him.”

Judge Parker, 11/16/11

If only Derek were so self-aware; instead, it’s becoming increasingly clear that his feeble teenage wits are no match for Sophie’s robotic intelligence and grim determination to possess him “I’m sure you had no idea … but she threatened me today, after I openly declared my intentions of stealing you away from her! It was totally unprovoked, except for the part where I kept taunting her!”

Ziggy, 11/16/11

Ha ha, those wacky foreigners! Not so bright, but very, very hungry! They’re starving! Literally. Because of the famines. Wacky!

Hi and Lois, 11/16/11

In other news, Trixie thinks her mom is fucking the dog, I guess.

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Family Circus, 11/9/11

“Seriously, mommy, what is the point of even worshipping an omnipotent deity if I can’t demand that He smite my enemies?”

Judge Parker, 11/9/11

“Seriously, all you’ve got to do is hitch your wagon to some rich girl and then you can buy all the RVs you — uh oh, I’ve said too much.”

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Slylock Fox, 11/7/11

Oh, Reeky! Foiled by the waiter’s clumsiness … and some dirty snitch who will be getting a Reeky-style ass-kicking as soon as Reeky can post bail, obviously. Still, you have to wonder if this little restaurant heist hasn’t compromised our rodent antihero’s dignity a little bit. Reeky normally styles his hair to show his contempt for society, whether he’s wearing it in a resplendent pompadour/mullet, or maybe just a shag dyed manic panic red. For this job at a snooty restaurant, though, he apparently feels compelled to shape his hair into some kind of hideous helmet, which is presumably the sort of haircut that he thinks would be worn by a respectable people, whom he views through a veil of seething class-based contempt. I dearly hope that his plan was to whip off this awful wig and let his true ’do cascade magnificently down his neck, right before he pulled out his gun and snarled out his demand that the assembled bougies start handing over their valuables.

Luann, 11/7/11

So, things have been happening in Luann, and I guess I’m supposed to be telling you about them? See, Toni physically threatened Brad’s boss and we’re supposed to like her and … no, wait, uh, see, Toni and Anne are jockeying for Brad’s sexual favors and … gah, no, um, Brad needs this minimum wage job at Weenie World to maintain his dignity, and … er, by which I mean, Anne is thrusting her breasts around because Brad is supposed to be desirable, I guess, and you know what? I can’t do it. Look up the archives if you really need the info, I can’t deal with it.

Judge Parker, 11/7/11

“The problem is she doesn’t have a boy, and the solution is that she’s buying one! It’s like you’re not even paying attention.”

Apartment 3-G, 11/7/11

Ha ha, Ruby’s swivel-headed look of horror in panel two is priceless. “Lu Ann, I’ve held my tongue about your pre-marital whoring because I know that’s how they do things in the big city, but I will not let the sanctity of wedding dress symbolism be violated! Your dress is champagne colored or I walk.“