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Pluggers, 11/19/11

I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty relieved that there is a separate, distinct “Pluggerville,” because that means that my chances of actually encountering one of these freakish manimals is slim to none. Whichever band of government scientists created the monstrous, unnatural Plugger race wisely decided to exile them to a single city, which is hopefully surrounded by barbed wire, or perhaps placed on an inaccessible island somewhere, the surrounding waters patrolled by Navy gunboats. Thankfully the wretched beasts are entertaining themselves with pie-baking contests and such, rather than organizing into a fearful human-animal hybrid army bent on revenging themselves on the real monsters, the ones who created them in violation of all morals and decency, i.e., us.

Judge Parker, 11/19/11

SOPHIE-UNIT’S ALGORITHM OF EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT IS NOT ADVANCED ENOUGH TO ANALYZE “COMPLEXITY!” DOES DEREK-UNIT LOVE HONEY-UNIT OR NOT? Y/N/RETRY/ABORT? RETURN LATER FOR GUITAR LESSONS AND AN IMPROVED SOFTWARE PACKAGE FOR EMOTIONAL MODELING! RECOMPILING … RECOMPILING … STAND BY …

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Gil Thorp, 11/16/11

Trust me, the current plot of Gil Thorp is totally not worth time time it would take for me to describe it to you, but I do think everyone can find today’s strip amusing. Say what you will about those Mudlarks, but they sure are together emotionally. Most high school athletes would probably be cowed or angry when one of their coaches freaked out on them, but these guys just sweatily crack wise and do a little armchair (or sideline bench) psychoanalysis. “Ho hum, another high school football coach who’s just living vicariously through us, probably because his life peaked during his own high school days and now he’s way too emotionally invested in these largely meaningless contests! I mean, he’s right, we do suck, but he should be taking an entirely different motivational tack if he expects us to respect him.”

Judge Parker, 11/16/11

If only Derek were so self-aware; instead, it’s becoming increasingly clear that his feeble teenage wits are no match for Sophie’s robotic intelligence and grim determination to possess him “I’m sure you had no idea … but she threatened me today, after I openly declared my intentions of stealing you away from her! It was totally unprovoked, except for the part where I kept taunting her!”

Ziggy, 11/16/11

Ha ha, those wacky foreigners! Not so bright, but very, very hungry! They’re starving! Literally. Because of the famines. Wacky!

Hi and Lois, 11/16/11

In other news, Trixie thinks her mom is fucking the dog, I guess.

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Family Circus, 11/9/11

“Seriously, mommy, what is the point of even worshipping an omnipotent deity if I can’t demand that He smite my enemies?”

Judge Parker, 11/9/11

“Seriously, all you’ve got to do is hitch your wagon to some rich girl and then you can buy all the RVs you — uh oh, I’ve said too much.”