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Daddy Daze, 3/10/20

Ah, yes, what you’ve all been wondering about the Daddy Daze Daddy ever since I started covering this strip: since he lives in a weird insular world inhabited by only him and a preverbal infant onto whom he projects various insane motivations, what does he do when his ex-wife, with whom he shares custody, has the baby? Well, apparently he goes down to his local coffee shop and mopes with a local goth (?) who he’s friends with, or maybe it’s just some guy he sat down next to and started talking to, who can tell, really.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/10/20

“Could she be making a hasty choice that she’ll come to regret? That’s very possible, but I can’t emphasize enough that once she walks out the door, that will be very, very much cease to be my problem.”

Family Circus, 3/10/20

Hey, remember last week when Billy realized that his mom might capable of inspiring erotic thoughts? Weird how he’s been spending this week imagining various over-the-top ways his father could die. Probably a coincidence!

Judge Parker, 3/10/20

Oh God, has Toni become a blogger? Who knew she could stoop so low?

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Panel from Mary Worth, 3/8/20

Here it is, folks: the greatest Mary Worth throwaway panel ever created. It’s a wild swing from an emotionally resonant quote from one of the great works of classic literature to the big reveal of the title of that Star Wars parody film they’ve been nattering on about all week, which is like fourteen times dumber than any of us could’ve possibly imagined, and I for one am enjoying the ride.

Judge Parker, 3/8/20

Hey, remember when Judge Parker Senior, the title character of the strip Judge Parker, went to jail? Later he got out and that was less fun, but, hear me out: what if everyone in this strip ends up going to jail?

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Judge Parker, 2/27/20

How’s Judge Parker Senior’s mayoral campaign going? Well, when he had his surrogates float the idea to the media that he might be thinking about a run, they ran a story on the evening news featuring footage of him being led off to prison in handcuffs, so, not great, it turns out! Still, Sam urges Alan to keep his focus on the people he’s really working for: the prisoners, the ones he met in jail and who helped him understand things about society that he never had before, the ones who he’s going to free by dynamiting the prison walls and turn into an unstoppable army that he’ll use to rule Cavelton with iron fist. Remember how Bane ran Gotham for the last half of The Dark Knight Rises? It’ll be like that.

The Lockhorns, 2/27/20

Wow, never mind the typical gloomy facial expressions on Leroy and Loretta: check out the profoundly intense frown on the face of their poor houseguest. I mean, you don’t expect anyone hanging out with them for any length of time to be happy about it, exactly, but this poor fellow seems to have absorbed the house’s negative energy like a sponge and is probably going to drop dead of a bile overdose at any moment.

Zits, 2/27/20

Zits is not a strip I talk about very often here, but I promise you this: I will always absolutely let you know when it abruptly veers into ass-themed body horror.

Mark Trail, 2/27/20

Wow, you heard it here first, folks: Rusty is going to get red-pilled by reading the unpleasantly ribald comments about Luann on GoComics.com.