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The Lockhorns, 6/18/10

After more than four decades of Lockhorns dinnertime spitefests depicted from a point of view more or less level with the tabletop, today’s panel attempts to play with perspective a bit, showing us what it would be like to cower on the floor about three feet away from Leroy and Loretta as they eat. (Obviously, they’ll ignore you, as their mutual loathing is far more interesting to them just about anything you can name.) In addition to adding a bit of visual flair, this new viewing angle really gives us a good look at their dining room chairs, which they’ve clearly had specially made with incredibly short legs to accommodate their freakishly stumpy frames.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/18/10

I have to say that if, back when Rex and June discovered Brook lurking in their house, you had asked me to predict how this story would turn out, I would have not have considered the possibility that she would end up using her martial arts skills to disarm a knife-wielding thug. In fact, I would not have made this prediction a mere three days ago. But to be fair, I don’t think we’d ever seen Brook’s ripped inner thigh muscles, a result of the long hours she puts in at the dojo keeping herself in peak physical shape.

Judge Parker, 6/18/10

Wow, so Judge Parker is really going to go through with this shoe business, huh? At least today’s strip accurately depicts what would happen if you got a lawyer involved in footwear manufacturing.

Mary Worth, 6/18/10

In a desperate, last-ditch effort to end this conversation with Mary, Jenna’s brain has just triggered a massive stroke.

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Some quick one-panel entries from the Sunday funnies to begin your week!

Panel from Apartment 3-G, 6/13/10

In classic A3G Sunday style, today’s strip rehashed the last week’s worth of story and then gave us exactly five additional seconds of action — in this case confirming my guess form yesterday that this returnee was Gina. I’m feeling more than a little validated by this, because I am a sad and pathetic little man!

Panel from Curtis, 6/13/10

Today’s Curtis features the title character, who has been rockin’ exactly the same fly style since he first appeared on the comics page in 1988, offering a sneering discursis of the admittedly fairly goofy droopy-pants fashion epidemic that has been gripping America’s inner cities for the better part of the decade. Anyway, I just wanted to say that I found this throwaway panel, in which our hero was dwarfed by a boxer-shorted ass looming menacingly in the foreground, fairly delightful.

Panel from the Lockhorns, 6/13/10

One of my favorite Lockhorns tropes is when the titular pair manages to lure some other poor couple over for some kind of no doubt hellish double date. These people never appear in the strip more than once, since presumably a single evening spent with the Leroy and Loretta’s psychodrama is more than sufficient for an entire human lifetime; by the time we actually see them in the strip, the poor victims are generally sitting on the couch staring numbly ahead, waiting for the horror to be over. Today, though, the female half of the non-Lockhorns couple seems intrigued by Loretta’s fiery feminist talk. “Right on, sister!” she says, with her barely perceptible smile.

Panel from Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/13/10

I know I’ve been terribly neglectful in following the Rex Morgan drama of late, right when it’s gotten vaguely interesting (no doubt a manifestation of my recurring Rex Morgan Problem). Still, I felt it was important to update you all on the following fact: nobody calls Brook a bimbo and lives. Have any of you been calling Brook a bimbo, in the comments here, or just to your friends and family members, or even in what you assumed was the safety of your minds? Better make your peace with your God now, my friends.

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Lockhorns, 4/29/10

You’ve probably wondered: what would be a fouler expression of marital loathing than Loretta killing people and cooking them to feed to her unsuspecting husband? Hiring someone to dig up mouldering corpses from the graveyard, which she then cooks and feeds to her unsuspecting husband? Yeah, that sounds about right. Thanks goodness for his discriminating palate!

Crock, 4/29/10

Usually I’m annoyed by comics that just present two or more characters standing around describing things rather than actually depicting the action. But I have to say that I would much rather see two poorly drawn Legionnaires looking at a white square while standing in a mysterious numbered tube than see a new bride and groom being pelted with bloody chicken viscera in a scene of unimaginable horror, so big thanks to Crock!

Mark Trail, 4/29/10

Cherry has apparently decided that the root cause of the Trails’ terrible sex life is Mark’s terror of sensuality of any sort. Before he can be expected to serve as a satisfying sexual partner to her, he must first start from square one and “work on” himself — possibly while Cherry watches.

Marmaduke, 4/29/10

In I Samuel 18, we learn that the young David, in order to win the hand of King Saul’s daughter Michal, had to provide as a bride-price 100 Philistine foreskins. In order to ascend to the dignity of Demon-King of Earth, Marmaduke must prove himself a more gruesome killer than even the Biblical patriarchs.

Mary Worth, 4/29/10

Mary’s thought balloon today begins The Smuggening, which is crucial, as she can only effectively meddle in the lives of others from a place of superiority. “I also grew up poor, and yet my condo unit isn’t cluttered with stacks of boxes! Hmm, how sad that not everyone has my fortitude of character.”

Pluggers, 4/29/10

Pluggers have nowhere in particular to go and nobody to see, so why not show up for appointments 45 minutes early? The nice lady at the doctor’s certainly can’t leave the her desk, so if I say things to her while I’m waiting, she’ll probably have to talk to me!