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B.C., 4/30/26

I guess I hadn’t really given it a ton of thought, but before today, if asked to describe the relationships between the various character species of B.C., like the humans and mid-sized animals and the ants, I would’ve described them as operating on different planes or scales of existence, largely unaware of each other’s sapience. The idea that the anteater, say, would stick his tongue into an anthill not merely driven by instinct to find food but fully aware that he was devouring alive a group of children who had come together to learn outdoor survival skills and experience fellowship is a deeply upsetting one. But it turns out that’s the reality of this disturbing universe.

Gearhead Gertie, 4/30/26

You can tell that this guy has been Gertie’s neighbor for years. He isn’t just saying “Hey! What the heck? Why are you ramming into my riding mower with your riding mower?” Instead, by necessity he’s embarked on a journey of self-education, learning all sorts of NASCAR minutiae simply to understand this old lady’s actions and motivations.

Mark Trail, 4/30/26

DAMN YOU TRIXIE!!! STOP ENTRANCING THE HORNY OLD MEN OF THE COMICS WITH YOUR AI-ENHANCED CLEAVAGE

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Mark Trail, 2/18/26

Mark has been invited to Las Vegas to compete in the Woodsman Olympics, a Trailiverse competition that somehow has avoided a nuclear lawsuit from the actual Olympics, and Rusty is up to his old foolish antics, sneaking into forbidden areas of his hotel’s garden. And you’re probably wondering, how much trouble could he possibly get up to, since he’s still on hotel grounds? Well, you never know, maybe the hotel uses a secluded wooded area on its property as an exclusive gaming zone for high rollers and Rusty is going to end up in the entourage of one of the Emir of Dubai’s less reputable nephews. Or maybe they just let the tigers from the main stage show roam around out there and he’s going to get mauled.

Judge Parker, 2/18/26

Oh, man, do you want to know how brutal and hardcore the ice prison where Randy is being held captive is? Well, his captors have gotten wind of his plots to escape, so he’s been forced to go to this nice, warm office and listen to the warden give a pissy lecture about how you’re not actually allowed to escape from this prison. He also isn’t handcuffed or anything and there don’t appear to be any guards present. So it’s not particularly brutal, is what I’m saying.

Mary Worth, 2/18/26

“Yeah, how would that work? I guess I’d have to spend less time over there, ha ha! I mean … oh no.”

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Blondie, 1/28/26

Oh, man, I was all ready to go on a riff about how this is clearly a joke about the idea of a celebrity “hall pass,” e.g., the idea that a monogamous couple would give permission to each other to sleep with specific celebrity crushes, safe in the knowledge that it’s never going to actually happen, but then got sanitized down to the idea of “dining” with a celebrity, even though “dining” is transparently not what this is about, but then I got to the last panel and discovered that the Blondie brain trust is aware of the existence of Sydney Sweeney, and I’m sorry, that’s way too contemporary a reference. Nobody in Blondie should know about anything that’s happened after, oh, let’s say, 2013. “Is Emily Ratajkowski on their list?” is a punchline I’ll allow for this one. Anyone newer than that? No thanks.

Mark Trail, 1/28/26

Speaking of things that are and are not new, what about nature? Pretty old, right? Old and boring? It’s existed for billions of years? Well what about phones though? What if there were a nature crisis … about kids and phones, and kids stealing each other’s nature photography, via phones? That’d be pretty cutting edge, right? The perfect mix of the old and the new? A falcon, right there on your phone? Mark Trail is going to have to punch file metadata by the end of this somehow?