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Apartment 3-G, 8/26/15

The Apartment 3-G dreamscape continues with this callback to a previous plot that almost seems to make sense in light of previous events but then not really at all when you think about it for more than 30 seconds! Lu Ann didn’t “meet Eric a few years ago”; she worked for him at his gallery, as did her drug-addled boyfriend, and was spending enough time with him to send Margo spinning into a hilarious jealous rage. She and Tommie in fact both knew Eric pretty well, so why would Tommie’s protest be that “Eric Mills died five years ago” rather than “Eric Mills looked nothing like this man standing in our apartment?” Or if he does look like Eric, why aren’t they saying “But we thought you were dead?” It’s like they’re constructing the reality of their world using logic and their vague memories of the past rather than the evidence of their senses, which, I guess, wouldn’t be the first time.

Mark Trail, 8/26/15

“That’s it! … Ken, you’ve given me an idea! We need to get our hands on a geiger counter and take it down to the sunken freighter! Fortunately, geiger counters are readily available for purchase and can even be shipped overnight!”

B.C., 8/26/15

Here’s today’s B.C.! It takes place on a nightmarish fleshscape, just underneath which seethes delicious blood.

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Family Circus, 8/25/15

I absolutely love how angry that poodle looks in this panel. “Oh, you think it’s funny how I look, you smug stump-leaning little shit? You think it’s a game? Is my grooming style incompatible with your narrow view of masculinity? You think I don’t still have razor sharp teeth?” Shit is about to get very real for our Billy.

Mark Trail, 8/25/15

Yes, that does sound like a logical explanation: a shipment of fake radioactive rods, glowing with their own eerie, mysterious light, which are an extremely popular gag gift worldwide! Nothing loosens up a birthday party or Christmas morning like the moment when someone unwraps their “radioactive” “extremely dangerous” present and shouts with delight, “Oh my God, what is this? You’ve killed us all!” These novelty items are in such high demand that they’re flown around the world via sea planes — the market can’t wait for slow container ships! Anyway, Mark, don’t worry your pretty little head about any high-tech “tests” for radiation, I’m sure everything is fine, just fine.

Wizard of Id, 8/25/15

Whoa, like, what if, like, we need both the dark and the light, working against each other, to create the huge, amazing universe we all live in, man? Anyway, long story short, this comic portrays the process by which glow-in-the-dark dorm posters and van decals were created in the 1970s and ’80s.

Marvin, 8/25/15

Oh, don’t worry, Bitsy: Marvin isn’t going to stop shitting himself just because he’s got sand in his diaper.

Marvin’s never going to stop shitting himself

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Mark Trail, 8/13/15

OH MY GOD

MARK TRAIL HAS BEEN EXPOSED TO RADIATION

WILL HE BE MUTATED INTO A NEW SUPERHERO FOR A NEW AGE????

Let’s see, Spider-Man got all the powers of a spider when he was bitten by a radioactive spider, and Mark’s been irradiated by a bunch fo radioactive rods, so … he’s going to gain all the powers of a rod? Or maybe a guy named Rod? Rod-Man, Rod-Man, does whatever Rod/a rod (A-Rod?) can? This seems like an extremely boring angle on superheroic origins, but I’m willing to see where the strip goes with it.

Mary Worth, 8/13/15

This dinnertime conversation is in fact surpassing my wildest expectations for hypnotically fascinating dullness. Damn it, Ian, this poor man has already debased himself by taking a job at your pissant little university — don’t make him live in one of the little shitbox apartments in this crumbling late ’60s condo complex too! Leave him the scrap of dignity that living in a real house represents! Meanwhile, Toby is squeezing her eyes shut and thinking about her tiny sculptures as hard as she can, which I have to imagine is her strategy for sex with Ian as well.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 8/13/15

Boy, Lukey sure looks awfully sad. You don’t suppose Elivney … ate the goat? Right in front him? I’m pretty sure she ate the goat, guys.