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Mark Trail, 6/12/15

Oh, good news, everyone: Mark has recovered from his little getting-hit-with-a-tree incident, mostly. Though he does seem a little groggy, so maybe there’ll still be some fun with this. Amnesia, perhaps? Or maybe that was a radioactive tree, which will cause him to become Tree-Man, the man with the … proportional … powers of a tree? Whatever the case, I think we can all agree that it would be pretty hilarious if in panel two Mark said “Yeah … I’m OK!” and then just silently stood there, hand on his knee, for a full minute, letting the water drip off of him.

Judge Parker, 6/12/15

Man, Marie sure does take an unseemly interest in people’s sex lives, doesn’t she? “Yep, I’ll be gone tonight! Just completely out of your hair … out here in the guest house … in case you wanted to have any guests … like if you wanted Mark’s penis to be a ‘guest’ in your vagina … anyhoo, see you later!”

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Slylock Fox, 6/10/15

Slylock and Count Weirdly have a pretty adversarial relationship, which mostly consists of Slylock humiliating the Count and undermining his schemes, no matter how victimless they are. But oh, as soon as Weirdly has a time machine and Slylock decides he wants to go freak out some dinosaurs, all of the sudden they’re best pals. I’m not sure what’s sadder: that Weirdly is so lonely and hungry for Slylock’s approval that he’s willing to overlook years of abuse just to spend some quality time chrono-journeying with him, or that Slylock’s ethical code, always more focused on strict enforcement of the law than on kindness, allows him to exploit the sad Count like this.

Mark Trail, 6/10/15

As the Trail’s extralegally adopted ward, Rusty generally refers to his guardians by their first names. Thus, panel two, in which he blurts out “Dad!” at the unconscious Mark, should be emotionally affecting. Unfortunately, he’s blurting “Dad” out of that … face, with the dead black eyes, and the flesh and the tears and the lips and the gums all the same off-peach color, and NOPE NOPE NO THANK YOU NO THANK YOU AT ALL SIR

Blondie, 6/10/15

EQUAL OPPORTUNITY UNSPEAKABLE FILTH

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Mark Trail, 6/9/15

Rusty isn’t just a hideous boy-thing that the Trails took in because nobody else would let him live inside; he’s also a constant danger magnet who needs to be rescued on the regular! You’ll remember, of course, the time he got stuck under a car, which led to Mark sacrificing his moral code and punching a cop in the face. Today’s drama plays out much more quickly: not only is Rusty endangered not by some human-made machine but by Mark’s beloved nature, but it’s Mark who ends up unconscious and concussed at the end of it. Will Rusty have to find hitherto unseen reserves of strength and drag Mark to safety? Will he allow Mark to die and just forlornly stare at Mark’s corpse until he gets hungry, and then start eating it? Either way, I think the real lesson here is that this lake is surrounded by rotting trees that just fall over when you barely look at them, so maybe there needs to be a local beaver population to clear out the literal dead wood.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/9/15

“I mean, my daughter is an actual apprentice art forger for the mob, so what’s a little light counterfeiting between friends? Anyway, take care of it, but don’t feel a need to let me in on the details. Remember, I can’t testify about anything I don’t know about!”

Dennis the Menace, 6/9/15

Dennis embraces the dystopian future where human offspring are grown in vats and, once weaned from their wire mothers, delivered by flying robots to their assigned workstations, A+ menacing.