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Archive: Mark Trail

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Wow, “those bugs,” the Trails are so contemptuous they won’t name the species or even the order

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Mark Trail, 4/11/15

OH MY GOD MARK TURNED DOWN PANCAKES???? There’s only one possible explanation: bugs are gross, and Mark’s gonna have to deal with bugs, so he doesn’t want to barf up some perfectly good pancakes. MARK TRAIL FINALLY ADMITS THAT THERE’S SOME PART OF NATURE THAT’S ICKY, EVERYBODY

Mary Worth, 4/11/15

You know, Adam, if you care this much about Congressman McDugal, you can help him in other ways! Probably after your heroics he could arrange for a staffing job in his office. Or maybe you could work on his campaign! What better fundraising speech could there be than the man who literally sacrificed his body for the congressman explaining why he’s so passionate about the man’s agenda? You are more than a slab of bullet-stopping meat, Adam!

Shoe, 4/11/15

“Also, you’re constantly in danger of violence, both from fellow prisoners and from guards! Our dangerous prison system turns a blind eye to this sad state of affairs! But mostly it’s the clothes thing. Ladies be shopping, and be wanting to shop even when their penal detention prevents them from doing so, amiright?”

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Dirty dog cops

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Mary Worth, 4/6/15

Protective services, it turns out, involves protecting important officials like Congressman McDugal, Adam’s favorite Congressman. Adam’s dedication to McDugal’s political career was so intense that he had both break up with Terry and get shot in the leg. Was someone trying to assassinate Congressman McDugal? No, of course not. Taking a bullet for the Congressman was just something Adam was compelled to do … something he believed in. So did he have to rig up an elaborate mechanism that would fire a gun at the Congressman’s office door while he was standing in front of it? Yes. He was compelled to do it. It was an integral part of his political ideals, of his vision for America.

Mark Trail, 4/6/15

Man, Wally sure is taking us on an emotional roller coaster ride here, isn’t he? “Ha ha, Mark, you and Cherry are going to leave, but then come back! That’s super and terrific! Now, we’ve had some laughs, but in all seriousness, these trees are everything to me, and if I go down, I’m not going down alone.”

Slylock Fox, 4/6/15

“Yeah, look, Sly, Max, I … uh …. I gotta be somewhere,” said Chief Mutt, sweating profusely. “Can you, uh, can you feed the prisoners? Food’s already here. Shouldn’t be a problem.” He was gone before Slylock could even answer him. Not really my department, Slylock grumbled to himself as he pushed the cart down to the holding cells. As the metal door clanged shut behind him, he looked it up horror. Four hardened criminals were in a cell whose bars were so far apart they could easily just walk through them. They all smiled at Slylock with murder in their eyes.

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Genuinely love how not cool grandma is with this

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Apartment 3-G, 3/28/15

I guess I’ve sort of resigned myself to the notion that Apartment 3-G is now a perpetually vague dreamscape where odd things blandly happen for no particular reason and subject to no human logic. Anyway, is Margo’s ex-boyfriend Greg still James Bond? Is Eon Productions starting production of the next Bond film without announcing the lead actor, even to his co-stars? Will Bond just be inserted into the movie in post-production, via the same advanced green-screen technology that allowed the Owen Wilson-voiced Marmaduke to hit William H. Macy in the nuts, twice? Has Skyler just answered a Craigslist ad for a “Bond movie” that will turn out to be a porn shoot? Stay tuned!

Pluggers, 3/28/15

Wait, is a wrinkle mustache just when your upper lip gets so wrinkly it looks mustache-y? Does this only happen to pluggers? Or do only plugger grandchildren dare to be so rude to their elders?

Mark Trail, 3/28/15

Oh wow so you think big government is going to take care of our beetle problem, huh? NO THANKS LIB!!!!!!!!