Archive: Mark Trail

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Mark Trail, 3/17/14

“I guess there’s no harm, since you’re collecting a gambling debt!”
“I guess there’s no harm, since you’re with the NSA!”
“I guess there’s no harm, since you’re a bounty hunter!”
“I guess there’s no harm, since you’re his estranged wife!”
“I guess there’s no harm, since you’re his criminal rival!”
“I guess there’s no harm, since you’re a cop! May I also direct you to the shallow, unmarked graves of his victims?”

Crankshaft, 3/17/14

The quest for a Prime Mover led Thomas Aquinas to God. But in the Funkyverse, the search for ultimate causes always winds up in somebody’s attic with a goddamn comic book.

Curtis, 3/17/14

Oh, that Curtis — such an imp! His creator, too:

I seriously hope this isn’t foreshadowing.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/17/14

June Morgan becomes a part-time adjunct professor, a.k.a. Becka’s Revenge. Don’t expect any free clams from this gig, sweetie.


— Uncle Lumpy

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Mark Trail, 3/13/14

Haha, so, obviously I was right about Marlin being a terrible nogoodnik, and since he’s a Mark Trail villain he’s also a moron, keeping meticulous photographic records of him and his buddies doing illegal things. It seems Jessica isn’t implicated in the nefariousness, though; presumably this sinister, silent army of pelicans that she’s nursed back to health has been trained to obey her every command and will unleash hell on the boyfriend who betrayed her trust.

Heathcliff, 3/13/14

Wow, so Heathcliff’s dad isn’t the only one in the family who’s an actual convicted felon! It actually minimizes my respect of Heathcliff as a notorious badass that he feels like he needs to kiss his parole officer’s ass like this. Look how badly he’s sweating! Is he afraid he’s going to fail his drug test?

Slylock Fox, 3/13/14

The relationship between sapient predator and prey animals in this strip is not, in my opinion, adequately explored, though today’s Six Differences offers some tantalizing hints. Based on that wolf’s facial experession, I’m guessing he’s watching some kind of sleazy porn for carnivores. “Oh, my,” says the pig, as he slowly unbuttons his tuxedo, “I certainly am feeling plump, juicy, and succulent today.”

Dennis the Menace, 3/13/14

Wow, congrats, Dennis, you’ve actually summoned up a fairly disturbing scenario I hadn’t contemplated before! If I had to guess, I’d imagine something like this?

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Mary Worth, 2/25/14

This current storyline would be fantastic enough if it only featured the return of Tommy (who, despite having no dialogue today, is satisfying my need for Tommy-related content with his hilariously theatrical moping in panel one); but as a bonus, it’s also featuring Wilbur’s desperate, transparent attempt to win back his true love Iris! I have a special place in my heart for this pairing, considering that the very first Mary Worths I covered on this blog, nearly ten years ago, involved Wilbur asking Iris out on a date and then processing endlessly with his daughter about it. Nice to compare those old strips to today’s and see that his arms are as hairy and virile as ever! Anyway, never forget that today’s panel two — in which our combed-over lothario idly strokes one of his chins and explains that he’s decided to not do half of his fairly undemanding job — represents Wilbur “turning on the charm.”

Mark Trail, 2/25/14

While Jessica Canupp may turn out to be virtuous, I definitely remain convinced that her boyfriend Marlin is up to no good, what with his constant suspicion of Mark and now his refusal to help make Rusty’s dreams of a mounted, taxidermied fish looming over his bed come true. In unrelated news, I’m an unrepentant city slicker and thus have no idea how one transports a game fish to a taxidermist, but if panel two is any guide I guess you wrap it tightly in a neat cylinder of paper? My first suspicions were that Mark had brought a freakishly enormous baguette to his hosts for dinner, or perhaps a giant novelty cigar for everyone to enjoy afterwards.

Gasoline Alley, 2/25/14

Oops, it turns out that this terrible Fountain of Youth riot was just a cover story for one of Gasoline Alley’s occasional mass orgies. Molly Ballew almost slipped up and informed everyone who hadn’t been invited! How awkward!

B.C., 2/25/14

This turtle’s shell, which was literally a part of his skeletal system, was apparently mortgaged and foreclosed upon, or perhaps was seized in some sort of brutal bankruptcy settlement, because he’s been unemployed for months and months. Today’s B.C. is super fucking depressing, in other words.