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Hi and Lois, 4/14/12

The people in this scene don’t go from smiley to frowney because of Thirsty’s little jab — obviously they’re all well acquainted with the sad, hateful Thurston marriage’s dynamics. No, the sudden shift in mood comes because between panels they’ve all fallen through some kind of wormhole portal into a literal mirror universe, where everything is swapped right-to-left. Good luck processing right-handed amino acids in this terrifying hostile dimension, guys!

Mark Trail, 4/14/12

“Do you think he’ll like my green lipstick? I know he’s a square who hates marijuana, hopefully it won’t freak him out too much.”

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Dennis the Menace, 4/12/12

Yes, ha ha, Dennis tried to annoy Mr. Wilson while Mr. Wilson was going to the bathroom and Mrs. Wilson actually prevented this from happening for once. But wouldn’t it be a million times more awesome if Mr. Wilson had actually snapped and decided he was one of history’s more obscure kings (Louis XI of France, say, known to his people as “the Universal Spider”), had purchased a throne on eBay, and was currently sitting on it in his living room, barking out deranged orders to his nonexistent subjects? It would be a million times more menacing than anything Dennis had ever done, unless you count Dennis’ undoubted contribution to his insanity as the root menacing cause of the situation.

Luann, 4/12/12

In case you’re wondering, Luann has taken a break from its queasy-making storylines about teen sexuality in order to treat us to a queasy-making storyline in which Crystal tries to pee while Knute and Gunther stand right next to her stall and Gunther admires her shoes. (You may consider this to in fact be yet another queasy-making storyline about teen sexuality, but for reasons of my own mental health I am trying very hard not to do so.)

Mark Trail, 4/12/12

“Wait, no, that emphasis is kind of stilted, right? Let me try … ‘We are already here — surprise!’ Yeah, that sounds much more naturalistic. OK, mister, can you say your sentence again? Try to still act surprised when I yell surprise, it makes it more fun.”

Shoe, 4/12/12

“Ha ha, get it, because old people are old, like fossils are old? Old people? Ha ha? Seriously, though, I’m having lots of trouble pooping, so hand over the prune juice pronto.”

Ziggy, 4/12/12

The Home Shopping Network is a for-profit business whose margins depend on its operators taking customers’ payment information as efficiently as possible. They can’t afford to talk to sad, hairless gnome-men calling just because they’re lonely and need to hear another human being’s voice.

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Mark Trail, 4/6/12

Obviously the idea of a Mark Trail storyline about marijuana sets the bar for hilarity very high, but I have to say that we haven’t been disappointed so far! I absolutely love the fact that this forest ranger has to stare at the pot plants for a while before he can remember what they are. I’m not a botanist or a stoner, but aren’t marijuana plants pretty distinctive-looking, especially to a trained naturalist type? I mean, I guess he’s trying to identify a plant growing in the underbrush from an aerial photo, which is pretty impressive. Anyway, even better is his outraged declaration in panel three. “Someone is growing marijuana on government property! Nobody gets away with that unless Uncle Sam gets a taste!”

Crankshaft, 4/6/12

It’s really sad to me that Crankshaft seems to regard a little light garden paraphernalia hoarding as an impetus for sinister chuckling. It’s like he can’t enjoy life unless he at least pretends to himself that he’s being a dick.

Apartment 3-G, 4/6/12

Aaaand we’re back to the prego porn.