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Mark Trail, 10/15/10

There are lots of things about this rapidly developing scenario that seem very, very off to me, though since I’ve never gone hunting I can’t be 100 percent sure. Like, do hunters really shoot deer that are this small/young? Do they shoot at deer when there are crazed children running around downrange? Do they shout at each other at high volume when deer are 10-15 feet away? Maybe they do! These are all mysteries to me.

However, I do feel like I’m on firmer ground in questioning the current senator/gubernatorial candidate interpersonal dynamics. Frank, right now you need Senator Whatshisface to convince his fat-cat donors to give to your campaign, and maybe even to contribute a bit from his own WhatshisfacePAC. And even after you’re elected, you’ll still need to make nice with him so you can get the sweet, sweet federal earmarks that lead to campaign photos of you cutting a ribbon on an eight-lane highway through Lost Forest. So maybe you shouldn’t brusquely bellow orders at him? Trying to create a relaxing environment where he can have fun and maybe kill a few things was a good idea, but you can’t force someone to enjoy himself by browbeating him.

Apartment 3-G, 10/15/10

Boy, Lu Ann sure is flailing her hands around a lot at about head level. Presumably her “awesome” hair extensions are making her scalp feel really weird, and she has to constantly hold herself back from just ripping them out in a frenzy.

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Panel from Mark Trail, 10/13/10

The first panel of today’s Mark Trail is so glorious that I felt you deserved to see it as large as I could give it to you. It’s almost like you are some corpulent political insider, hoping to enjoy a little canned hunting and some desperate promises from the next governor, when suddenly a deranged little monster and her dead-eyed deer lunge at you, demanding that you refrain from doing exactly what you’ve paid to do.

Note that her upper body seems disproportionately larger than her legs. That’s probably a carefully crafted technique that provides the illusion of the little girl moving rapidly towards you. It certainly isn’t because she’s been crudely assembled out of whatever clip art has been left lying around on the floor of the Mark Trail studios, no sir!

Panel from Mary Worth, 10/13/10

Also worthy of close inspection is our first encounter with Adrian’s opinionated friend Jill, here expressing her opinions with an eye-roll so epic she appears to have sprained her face. We’ve all been preparing ourselves for some kind of epic battle of the meddlers over how Adrian’s wedding should be run, but Jill’s deep thought-ballooned sarcasm seems to indicate that she’s already bored with the whole exercise. Perhaps she will realize that Mary is eager to do dull stuff like watch Adrian model a series of indistinguishably hideous bridal gowns, and she’ll excuse herself to go do something that doesn’t make her want to slit her wrists.

Dick Tracy, 10/13/10

Wow, it seems that the famous hobo solidarity completely falls apart once it turns out that one of them has money, and that the true proletarians are about to turn on the kulak who’s been lurking in their midst. Dick Tracy will be truly conflicted if he ends up triumphing due to the thing he hates the most: class struggle.

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Your comments of the week shortly, but first comes this haunting image from faithful readers Teresa and Joel:

“We were hiking at Judge C.R. Magney State Park in northern Minnesota this week, and came across a chain link fence out in the middle of the woods. Perhaps the current Mark Trail plot is not as far-fetched as we all thought!”

Thank goodness you didn’t try to get behind that fence, Teresa and Joel, or your heads would have almost certainly would have ended up on some senator’s wall!

And now, here is your comment of the week!

“Newspaper comics raising awareness of breast cancer? I’m pretty sure people are more aware of breast cancer than they are of newspaper comics.” –Lorne

And your almost as funny runners up!

“‘Well, Mary, Type A personality means someone who likes to tell other people what to do, who has to get their own way, who is just really pushy and sort of a control freak.’ [awkward silence]” –T. Chicana

“Hold on, Jack wanted someone more average than Lu Ann, and he somehow passed on Tommie? What’s going on here?” –Chip Whittle

“Huh. I missed the press release when Willem Dafoe was recast as Aunt May.” –monsieurjohn

“Is it raining in Gil Thorp, or is the sky made of glass because it’s some kind of Truman Show experiment where a bunch of infants were left near a pile of uniforms to see how they’d develop?” –Rhekarid

“That dead-eyed look that both Peter Parker and Aunt May are sporting in panel three is bottomless despair at the thought of spending a night away from the television.” –Judas Peckerwood

“Remember when Dad said that he never, ever wanted to be kept alive in a vegetative state, and then he asked for help setting up a ‘DVR’ order? Too bad we just chuckled and rolled our eyes.” –late2theparty

“I really hope Peter and MJ are doing that thing where Peter is pulling his fist forward and MJ is applying opposite pressure and then she lets go, and he smacks himself in the face with his own fist! Because that would be great.” –Bootsy

“I think Crankshaft has been a dream sequence all week because Jeff and Pam are acting as if the malapropisms are funny. We can only hope that in the real world Jeff and Pam are smothering him with a pillow.” –nescio

“I envy Crankshaft right now. He is dead, right?” –TheDiva

“Rex Morgan: Proof that our modern society’s conception of celebrity has gone too far. I can see the Wikipedia page now: Mayor Dalton’s prostate is a compound tubuloalveolar endocrine gland of Mayor Dalton’s reproductive system. It is most famous for having cancer. [1] While most people have never seen it and X-ray images of it are unavailable to the public, Mayor Dalton’s oncologist has called it ‘the most beautiful prostate’ he has ever seen. [citation needed]” –whozitwhatzit

“So Wally drunkenly gave Becky arm cancer?” –Plinko Commie

“Who but communist hobos would warm themselves next to a barrel of glowing uranium bars?” –Patrick

“Dick Tracy is wholly unfamiliar with the hobo gay dating scene. You can’t just ask him to take it out so you can take a looksee, you have play sly. Maybe set a garbage can fire first.” –Taquelli

“I hope to hell that’s a flashback, and not a giant portrait of Becky’s car crash that the coffeehouse has displayed on its wall. On the other hand, maybe that’s why they call the place ‘Jitters.'” –BigTed

“I don’t really understand how Crankshaft consistently misfires so badly with such a potentially awesome premise. Like if someone told me, ‘I have this idea for a comic featuring adorable malapropisms a la Family Circus but instead of being delivered by winsome tots, they’ll be coming from an angry old jerk whom everyone hates,’ I’d be like, ‘Hey, that sounds hilarious!’ I guess it only works in theory.” –Violet

“Is Tommie sleeping in her new shirt? If so, I look forward to the next thirty years of her descent into Miss Havisham-like madness, wandering around the apartment in her faded lilac ruffle and bitterly cursing those who promised to make her interesting.” –A New Day

“The Spider-Man artists love MJ’s name in lights too, because it means half a panel of text in generic free fonts instead of art.” –bman

“This nascent Spider-Man plotline is blatantly derivative of Uncanny X-Men #148, in which the Morlock Caliban emerges from his sewer dwelling to abduct Kitty Pryde (alias Ariel, alias Sprite, alias Shadowcat) and forces her to be his subterranean bride. I expect a written apology on my desk Monday morning, mister Stan Lee, if that is in fact your real name which it is not. Excelsior to you, sir.” –Chyron HR

“Well. That’s okay, everybody. You can all just ignore the gigantic nipple-covered hat in today’s Curtis. You go on having these civilized discussions on the pros and cons of this campaign, and I’ll just be over here silently screaming to myself.” –Caroline

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