Archive: Mark Trail

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Mark Trail, 8/3/10

Well, this is a disappointment: Mark successfully rescued Sassy from her mustachioed kidnapper without even bothering to clench his fists. Now Sassy is safe and Rusty is happy and Sally and her stray dogs have a new home, but we didn’t get any pleasing cathartic violence to mark the transition to the next story. In fact, when it comes right down to it, our bad guy got off remarkably easy: sure, he didn’t get that big reward he was angling for, but he also didn’t get a fist to the face, and his original goal — to get rid of the old lady next door and her smelly collection of dogs — has actually been achieved!

The real question is: will Sally really be happy out on the farm? Sure, there’s lots of room for her pups to run and play, but it’ll be harder for her to haunt alleyways and compulsively find stray animals to hoard. Plus, once she’s out in the sticks, she can forget about getting Indian food delivered.

Beetle Bailey, 8/3/10

Considering how anachronistic most of the uniforms and equipment are in this strip, it’s fairly realistic to depict Beetle as gazing upon a fairly modern weapon (the M-249 was introduced in 1984!) with a mixture of awe and reverence. Sarge had better hope that Private Bailey doesn’t decide, once he has his hands on an actual killing machine, to turn it on his nearest tormentor — namely, Sarge himself.

Luann, 8/3/10

After last week’s Toni-smelling horror, I’ve never been more glad to see this foursome of losers and their harmless antics. Say, Knute, perhaps it would be best not to draw attention to Gunther, as he attempts to surreptitiously masturbate over by the ladies’ dressing room!

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Your comment of the week momentarily, but first, an important item that you almost certainly missed if you fail to read the Letters to the Editor page of the Richmond Times-Dispatch. Fortunately, faithful reader Mary from Richmond reads it for us, and noted the following nugget in the midst of a rambling diatribe from Eric Pickering in Midlothian about cruelty to animals and the relative newsworthiness thereof:

The police shootings happened in tense domestic situations where owners allowed their little Fido to attack the policeman. While these shootings may have been inappropriate, none of this would have happened if the animal was controlled. Loose, unsupervised animals will cause trouble somewhere and also have a good chance of getting hurt by another dog, car, or person. Mark Trail should learn this with his puppy Sassy.

You can read the whole thing here (it’s the first letter on the page), but trust me when I say that no more context is provided to those who do not follow Mark’s adventures than what you see in that paragraph.

And now, your comment of the week, which refers to some commentary of mine in this post:

“Josh, I don’t even play golf and I know what Torrey Pines is. I do not, however, know what ‘Eli Roth-style torture porn’ is. I think this says more about you than it does about me.” –Monkey David

And your runners up! Also hilarious!

“Ha ha, Tommie’s a bit more sadistic than I gave her credit for. ‘Are you in those tacky clothes that you wear every day yet? Laughing at you today will provide one of the few non-bleak memories that I have in life.'” –Fata Morgana

“Why is Dr. Mike holding a giant kitchen match? Is he going to try to immolate Mary Worth? Oh what joy! She’ll burn and burn, but not be consumed!” –zenvelo

“Dr. Mike’s hand gesture in panel one needs a little work. You’re supposed to raise the middle finger, doctor.” –Digger

“I don’t call Jenna because I’m in love with her. And I keep my computer screen turned out toward my office because it shows respect for HIPAA privacy laws. They don’t call me Dr. Opposite for nothing, Mary.” –Patrick

“Besides, Mr. Policeman, sir, we need him to ’member where we buried PJ.” –T Clone

“I can’t believe my political opponent is about find out I have cancer, and I haven’t even managed to find out his name. Talk about an informational imbalance!” –ks

“Dr. Mike’s attempt to intimidate Mary with a demonstration of his physical strength backfires badly: ‘Alas, because of previous failed romances, my heart is as fragile as this pencil. One more disappointment could cause me to snap, just like this … like … this … wait, give me a minute … mrphh … just like THIS … RRRGGH…’ As Dr. Mike, red-faced and grimacing, wrestles the unbroken pencil to the floor, Mary leaves to go plan the wedding.” –Walker of Dog

“A ha! Its obvious that Dr. Roberts deliberately did not contact her right after the date knowing that meddling Mary Worth would come in and request an appointment to demand an explanation. Cha ching! Now he can bill Mary’s fat health insurance policy and still get the girl. ‘Uh yeah, I’ll contact her, um, I think you also need a MRI.'” –Government Cheese

“If Dr. Mike’s feelings are too intense to express, he should try chugging down a bottle of wine like Jenna. It takes the edge off.” –Petal Metal

Hronk? That’s a noise I expect from a Mark Trail second-panel goose, not a … second-panel … deformed … hand? What IS Gil Thorp known for these days anyway? I’ve lost track.” –Dragon of Life

“My take on that last panel is that the mortgage crisis is far worse than we knew — they’ve foreclosed on Baba Yaga’s chicken-legged hut. The giant kettle was probably considered a fixture, so they got that too. And now Baba’s hungry, so hungry. Townsfolk, keep your children close.” –Écureuil Écumant

“The cop says ‘Let’s go get your dog’ but didn’t add and ‘Let the punching commence’ because that goes without saying. Or, perhaps, ‘Let the punching commence’ because Murf thinks Mark might like to make a play on words. He’s wrong.” –Farley’s Revenge

“With Mary in the shrink’s chair, I’ll be over here desperately praying that a cigar remains a cigar for the duration.” –jayjaybear

“It took me several minutes of serious thinking to figure out the ‘joke’ in Wizard of Id. Not only is that the longest period of time I’ve ever spent concentrating on this particular strip; it’s also the entire allotment of time I’ve set aside for reading Wizard, ever. I didn’t expect to use it up so abruptly, but then, I didn’t expect this strip to still exist as late as 2010.” –Mollie

“Obviously the waitress is giving him the cake to placate him until the police arrive. The seventh difference is the police in the bottom panel won’t show up before the massacre begins.” –Flamedrake

“Wait, Smitty’s alibi is that he was just sitting there watching TV with a giant ceramic pig in his lap?” –Andy L

“It’s too bad Mark doesn’t have a ring like that Phantom’s, that would permanently scar those he strikes. Instead of a skull, it could leave an indelible imprint of Rusty’s hideous visage. Then again, Mark would never wear jewelry of any kind. So maybe he could just pick the kid up and swing him like a baseball bat, whacking the bad guys with his face.” –cheech wizard

“Oh my. ‘Sam seems to have taken a liking to Jules!’ Does it still count as subtext if Judge Parker puts it right there in the narration box?” –Ed Dravecky

“I think Kat’s right about being mindful of the message one’s appearance conveys. She went through some heavy deliberation before settling upon the image she wanted to project: Hillary Clinton, business leprechaun.” –Violet

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Mark Trail, 7/26/10

Ha ha, dognapper! Mark Trail and Officer Murphy have used technological wizardry to track your ransom call back to your home! Dognapping being a crime of the most heinous nature, they don’t need any warrant from any fancy judge in order to rip your house to pieces looking for the poor mutt! In fact, since this is a “ticking time bomb” scenario (who knows what horrors he has planned for that dog, or for America?), they’re well within their rights to torture you, by letting loose that horrifying demon-thing at the lower left of panel two! Let’s take a closer look at this gap-toothed, bug-eyed monster, shall we?

Yes, we can see why you wouldn’t want this little demon in your house, screeching and clawing at the faces of your wife and family. But I guess you should have thought about that before you became a crime suspect, crime suspect!

Apartment 3-G, 7/26/10

In panel three, it’s clear that Tommie has become far too accustomed to the abuse that everyone heaps upon her, as it appears that she’s decided to save everyone a lot of time and just punch herself in the face.