Archive: Mark Trail

Friday, Oct 06, 2006 Comments are closed

Lu Ann Powers: Girl detective

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Apartment 3-G, 10/6/06

The Case Of The Dumb Blonde In The Mysterious Dark Building has been grinding on slowly while the other A3G girls enjoy their old-man-taunting dinner party. It’s not exactly clear where it is that Lu Ann is sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong; presumably its door was opened by the mysterious set of keys Alan left for our blonde bombshell back in August, and it’s the only building in New York that isn’t in the midst of a condo conversion. Hopefully the moodily lit Lu Ann will get to the top of the stairs and discover that Alan has been living for the past few months Phantom Of The Opera style in a ruined but strangely beautiful aerie, where he’s been perfecting his art in isolation and brooding over the girl who got away. Either that, or it’ll be some kind of sex dungeon.

I don’t like to criticize when I can’t offer alternative solutions of my own, but: I’m not really sure how in the context of a single relatively small panel you’d indicate that a character’s flashlight is starting to flicker on and off, but I’m pretty sure having it emit the words “BLINK BLINK” isn’t it.

Mary Worth, 10/6/06

OH MY GOD FUNERAL FUNERAL FUNERAL! You know what happened the last time Mary went to a funeral, don’t you? Don’t you? AWESOMENESS! Even if Aldo really is dead, surely the presence of the evil meddlers who drove him to desperate self-harm will cause some sort of angry riot among his (no doubt many) friends, family members, and loved ones. Will Mary and Toby have to flee one of Santa Royale’s classiest funeral homes one step ahead of an enraged mob of Kanes and Kelrasts? Will Ian and Wilbur find their bodies strung up from the nearest lamppost the next day? Or (better yet) will this “funeral” turn out to be an intervention for inveterate meddlers, presided over by none other than the not-really-dead Aldo himself? I mean, in real life, it’s probably going to be a chance for Mary to dispense Bartlett’s-worthy bon mots about alcohol abuse, but let a guy dream for a day or two, OK?

Mark Trail, 10/6/06

Uh, yeah, but Mark is really just lulling Hoyt into a sense of complacency, and then he’s going to turn around and punch him in the jaw, right? Right? I mean, the phrase “Keep your dogs off of Lost Forest property, Hoyt” would be best delivered with Hoyt supine, cowering, and nursing a broken nose.

I have a feeling that Molly is going to have a hard time understanding the hostility towards her from the administrators of the local hospital and the county health inspectors.

Ballard Street, 10/6/06

Uh, yeah, her own mind. That’s what she’s deriving all that pleasure from. Riiiight.

Thursday, Oct 05, 2006 Comments are closed

Five one-sentence wonders

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Mark Trail, 10/5/06

Molly is a coward who would rather humiliate herself than fight.

Marmaduke, 10/5/06

Marmaduke is a sexual harassment lawsuit waiting to happen.

Pluggers, 10/5/06

Pluggers have senile dementia.

Spider-Man, 10/5/06

Hitler is a big fan of Nicole Kidman.

One Big Happy, 10/5/06

Aldo Kelrast really was the ghost of Captain Kangaroo.

Tuesday, Oct 03, 2006 Comments are closed

On tap for Tuesday: Filth, cowardice

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Apartment 3-G, 10/3/06

Wow, for a strip that had to tiptoe its way around what was blatantly supposed to be an extramarital fling a few months ago, Apartment 3-G sure seems to have enthusiastically transformed itself into a Viagra commercial today. I like the way Margo and the Professor are all smiles throughout the exchange, to show that Margo’s impotence cracks are all in good fun. Gina, meanwhile, looks suddenly concerned in panel two, as if she hadn’t considered this possible downside to her old-man-snagging ways.

Beetle Bailey, 10/3/06

Ha, ha, it’s funny because General Halftrack and Beetle are both cowards! But is it also a cutting commentary on the array of active and retired generals who have questioned Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld’s leadership in the Iraq war? Who says it can’t be both! Well, I do, because this is Beetle Bailey, so it’s really only the first thing. Except for the “funny” part.

Fox Trot, 10/3/06

The interlinked man-woman symbol pendant is a nice touch, and the “beetle music” line is groanworthy, but neither should distract from the fact that Jason is using his iguana as a prop to hit on his mom. Ick. And ick.

Mark Trail, 10/3/06

OK, arrow-ass-bear-whose-arrow-seems-to-have-mysteriously-disappeared-but-we-know-it’s-still-you-probably, you need to remember that you are a vicious, 1,000-pound beast, with flesh-tearing fangs and razor-sharp claws. The fact that you allowed this pasty, defenseless, hairless ape to bop you on the snout with a tree limb — as if you were a dog to be chastised with a rolled-up newspaper! — and ran away, leaving all of the human’s internal organs safely inside his body, brings shame to all wild bears everywhere. You’re not expected to try to understand the hostility towards you, just react to it with savage carnage.

Judge Parker, 10/3/06

GAYEST. JUDGE PARKER. EVER.