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Family Circus, 7/18/19

There’s a common joke that little kids act like they’re on drugs sometimes because everything — even fairly basic human biological functioning — is new and strange to them. I don’t know if drugs are quite the right metaphor here, but I appreciate the extent to which heavy-lidded Jeffy is just luxuriating in the sensation of sweating, which most adults find somewhere on the spectrum between uncomfortable and gross. Not Jeffy! His body is magically creating water out of nothing, and keeping him cool in the process, and he can’t get enough of it. It’s like taking a refreshing shower, except he’s the shower! Ahh yeah, that’s the stuff.

Mark Trail, 7/18/19

Oh, snap, JJ! Looks like you followed the boring “conventional wisdom” that if you point a gun at a person at point-blank range, they’ll more or less do what you say, because you can pull the trigger in just a split second and they don’t want to be killed. But Mark Trail doesn’t worry about any of that business! Mark Trail knows his unerring fists are faster and more powerful than any pistol! Mark Trail is always ready to powerfully twist his torso and knock out evil-doers an instant, no matter if they’re fully bearded or just lightly stubbled! Remember, to stop a bad guy with a gun, you need a good guy … who’s Mark Trail.

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Pajama Diaries, 7/16/19

I freely admit that it’s entirely irrational, but I’ve developed an extreme aversion to the strips where Pajama Diaries gets horny. Like, it’s not Luann-level distasteful, of course, but it still squicks me out, possibly because nobody actually talks like this. “Hey mom, be sure to make me a special second dinner for tonight, because after my dinner date I’m gonna go fuck somewhere, then come home later and eat that second dinner, because if there’s one thing having sex does it makes you hungry, right? Post-sex hunger is a thing? Because of all the sex exercise? This is exactly how I talk to my friends in my dorm, and I’ve definitely had sex before.”

Funky Winkerbean, 7/16/19

I dunno, man, in this flashback Young Cliff Anger looks less like a guy whose best friend just went to jail for a murder he didn’t commit and more like a guy who’s pretty jazzed to be the new owner of a chimpanzee named Zanzibar. Ha ha, the chimp is smoking a cigar and wearing a shirt! He thinks he’s people! Anyway, if Zanzibar turns out to be the real killer in this storyline, I’m willing to forgive a lot about the past few weeks in this strip.

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Mary Worth, 7/10/19

Well well well, it looks like Dawn’s big summer romance is going to be with Hugo Lambert, a handsome French exchange student (do they call them “exchange students” in college? I’m pretty sure they don’t) who took Ian’s class with Dawn last year. (Side note: how is it that we never got to see Dawn take Ian’s class? I for one would’ve loved to have seen her smirk her way through Ian’s bloviating lectures about how Tess of the D’Urbervilles will change your life.) Anyway, you can tell Hugo is French and definitely not some kind of con artist because he speaks French for things that English speakers could quickly grasp in that language, but otherwise speaks perfect English. Plus he kisses Dawn’s hand! No American man would be that romantic, based on what I’ve learned from TV sitcoms!

Mark Trail, 7/10/19

Say what you will about Mark Trail, but he’s always willing to give people the benefit of the doubt. Like, maybe JJ just doesn’t know that it’s illegal to threaten people with a gun and force them to give you all the gold they found in a hidden, magical mine. Or maybe he forgot! He just forgot that he wasn’t supposed to do this! That’s a whoopsy that could happen to anyone, and it’s kind of Mark to jog his memory a bit before punching the shit out of him.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/10/19

Wow, look at that smile on June in the last panel! Literally nothing that’s happened to her in the past decade of this strip — certainly not any of her interactions with her husband or her growing brood of children — has made her as happy as the thought of checking out a website that will tell her how much money dumb people are willing to pay to have their auras laundered or whatever.

Gil Thorp, 7/10/19

Oh, I see how it is: it’s OK for Hadley and Jaquan to live in two different places just because she already has an established legal career and he’s an NBA player who doesn’t get to choose where he lives but also he’s rich so they can afford it, but when Tiki Jansen wants to live in two different places at once so he can go to the school of his choice, he gets in trouble? This is precisely the kind of outrageous double standard that Hadley used to oppose. You’ve changed, Hadley. You’ve changed.