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Mary Worth, 1/27/19

“Toby, marriages are like sharks. Even as you enter into deeper waters, you still have to keep moving. Because those waters are full of hungry marriages, with razor-sharp teeth, waiting to swarm around you and tear your body to shreds in an awful orgy of blood and death. Where was I going with this? Oh, right Ian is too much of a coward to have an affair, but he’ll probably still try to justify to himself giving a student a grade she doesn’t deserve, because he’s horny.”

Mark Trail, 1/27/19

I’m assuming Sarah Emlen Mathias gets a shoutout because she brought the scourge of the Spotted Laternfly to Mark Trail and/or James Allen’s attention, but the placement of that word balloon sure makes it seem like it might be a very sarcastic “thanks.” “Originally from Southeast Asia, this invasive species popped up in Pennsylvania in 2014 right after Sarah Emlen Mathias got back from a vacation in Laos, so let’s give a big, special thanks to her for not thoroughly checking her luggage before she came home! These voracious little creatures have the potential to cost millions of dollars in damage to agricultural businesses, so, you know, nice one, Sarah.”

Pluggers, 1/27/19

Not really sure what relationship the desperately anxious plugger in the title panel has to the little domestic drama in the main comic, but I’m very keen to find out! From the look on his face I’m assuming that, having received a loved one’s finger in the mail, he’s now getting detailed instructions on where to bring the ransom money.

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Mark Trail, 1/24/19

Gosh, it’s been, what, nearly two weeks since I updated you on Mark Trail? Mark spent some more time punching the bad guys and then significantly more time fuming at Jose for failing to use the power of Mexican law enforcement to protect his extremely stupid and danger-prone son. Mark and Jose were walking towards where Rusty was last seen, Mark fuming darkly, as we all suspected that we’d find nothing but dismembered Rusty parts piled neatly in the corner. But then … womp womp! Just a couple kids playing a kids’ card game with Raul, who, to recap, once seemed cool enough to actually murder Rusty himself. Looks like all’s well that ends well! I expect this plotline will finally wrap up sometime in mid 2021.

Gil Thorp, 1/24/19

Wow, so, uh, Robby is really just a full-on part of Marty’s radio show now, huh? I genuinely can’t decide whether “unpaid assistant sports talk DJ” is a step up or step down from “unpaid assistant high school basketball coach,” but either way I’m very excited for when we get to the part of the story where Robby starts selling Marty fake uppers.

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Mark Trail, 1/12/19

Oh, right, I forgot about the beginning of the cave adventure, when there were mutterings of “coyotes” (the metaphorical kind) lurking in the area and then a giant cavesplosion trapped Mark and his pals in a cave for the next four months. I don’t remember anyone actually laying eyes on any of these nefarious human traffickers, but I trust Mark has imprinted their faces in his inerrant memory. It was awful nice of them to wait politely for Mark to punch them into oblivion one at a time, especially considering how rude he’s being, changing the subject around. “Then you left us for dead!” “Where is my son?” Jeez, Mark, give a guy a minute to think about the questions you’re asking if you really want an answer!

Hi and Lois, 1/12/19

“Like, for instance, a persistent shift in average temperatures of a few degrees that makes it possible to play golf in in January could also lead to widespread, systemic ecological collapse? Just to pick an example out of nowhere?”