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Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/16/17

So, my guess on the nosy old people here is that li’l Johnny, whose father died in a drunk-driving accident, actually does have family to take care of him, despite Margie’s insistence that he did not, probably because she never liked her in-laws or something. I guess we’re up for an exploration of a thorny ethical dilemma: who should gain custody of an orphaned child? His biological kin, or the best friend from middle school of the kid’s mother, who she hasn’t seen in 25 years but whose life seems pretty together, based on what she posts on Facebook?

Mark Trail, 12/16/17

“Nothing beats a home-cooked meal! Now I’m going to lay supine on the floor and you can regurgitate those delicious enchiladas right down my gullet!”

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Mary Worth, 12/15/17

I am as always extremely here for Mary’s consistent “age ain’t nothin’ but a number” attitude about the Zak-Iris romance. It is of course all the more hilariously deployed in reaction to Toby’s gender-normative discomfort, since her transformation from hipster Greenwich Village artist to bored California trophy wife and occasional sculptor of hideous animal-blobs began when she as a mere lass was swept off her feet by a drunken, late-middle-aged Ian. Anyway, Mary’s drive-by shaming of Toby’s hypocrisy is great, but I hope the real point of all this becomes clear when one of the hunky fortysomething venture capitalists investing in Zak’s dumb video game company comes calling and Mary’s like “Dr. Jeff? I don’t know anybody by that name!”

Gil Thorp, 12/15/17

Gil Thorp is by definition a comic strip that’s heavily invested in high school athletics, and I guess we’ve finally got to the point of this football season’s storyline, which is that, sure, sometimes promising young men play football and get concussions that turn their brains into goo, but what if they love playing football, and what about loyalty, discipline, and hard work, and what are the other options, huh? Some dork with a goatee trying to strongarm you into becoming a YouTube singing sensation??? This feminized PC culture makes me sick.

Mark Trail, 12/15/17

OK, fine, if we’re not going to get an extended storyline where Mark and Johnny actually perform a wildlife census, at least let us flash back to that time Mark got stranded in the Great Plains without any food and had to survive by making “prairie dog tacos.”

Blondie, 12/15/17

As Christmas approaches, please let’s remember the real reason for the season: goosing sales in order to shore up the collapsing retail sector by offering no-interest loans to an already over-indebted populace!

Six Chix, 12/15/17

hey this is a metaphor for the current housing affordability crisis but if you take it to its logical conclusion all those pricey new homes are made from human flesh OK enjoy your weekend everybody

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Judge Parker and Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/13/17

It’s been just over a year since Woody Wilson handed over writing duties on Rex Morgan, M.D., and Judge Parker to his designated successors (Terry Beatty and Ces Marciuliano, respectively). The two strips weren’t identical before, but they had very similar vibes, and it’s been fascinating to watch them diverge. Like, remember that episode of the original Star Trek where Captain Kirk was split into a “good” but indecisive and ineffective half and an “evil” violent and audacious half? Something like that seems to be what’s happened to these two strips, and today’s dramas make for a good example. On the one hand, you have Judge Parker’s title character, a respected jurist and pillar of the community, being railroaded into helping break his assassin daughter-in-law out of prison and then flee into the murky underworld and leave his respectable life behind forever; on the other, you have some old people being just a little too nosy.

Mark Trail, 12/13/17

Oh, hey, we never did wrap up the story of Mark Trail and the bank robbers, did we? Sheriff What’s-His-Name has a bunch of paperwork to do, presumably after the bank robbers were shot “trying to escape,” and I now sincerely hope we get a solid three to six weeks of prairie dog counting. Tomorrow’s action: “One … two … three…”